Bachelor-Cap

Yeah, I’m back.  What of it.  These girls are too good to pass up.

Am I the only one that misses a little bit of them staying at the house?  I mean, Sonoma, San Fran, Park City, I’m sure these are all great places but what happened to old school Bachelor when they would go to the fancy places at the END?!  Whatever.  I care but I don’t care.

Is this chick a Hooters girl?  What is this outfit?

If I was the Bachelor (which I’m not, trust) there is no way in HELL you would get me to walk up this kind of a hill just for a pensive shot.

We get it – San Fran has hills.  Duh.

I kinda thought his sister was pretty.

If it wasn’t gross and wrong, I would say the two of THEM should date.  But it is sick and wrong so whatever, moving on.

I think it’s time for a….PRETTY PARTY!!!

This concludes the latest version of PRETTY PARTY!

Some chick named Emily got the first one-on-one.

Yeah, I don’t know either.

Their first date wasn’t a cute air balloon ride, or a picnic by a waterfall.  Oh no.  Their first date was to WALK UP THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE!!!

No.  Hell no.  Let me tell you what I think about this date.

No.  Hell no.  HELLLLLLLLL NO!!  Are you outcho’ DAMN MIND?!?!

HELLLLL NO!

BITCH YOU CRAZY!

AHHHHHHHHHH!

No way in a million years.  The end.

The girls…somehow…were able to spy on them like pirates.

Is that a hickey on her neck?

While I’ve never been there, San Francisco looks super pretty.

Basically the opposite of this:

Yeesh.

Ben and what’shername’s date went so well they decided to eat each others’ face at dinner.

And then this happened.

Blech.

During my viewing of this, a Hulu ad played.  Only I didn’t know it was a Hulu ad at first and I thought “when did that girl come on The Bachlor?”

Can you blame me?  Btw, I don’t believe this is the first time I’ve made fun of this girl.  I am an awful human being.

I have to admit, I think this group date is kind of awesome.

Skiing down a big San Fran street?  Hell yes!  Speaking of ‘hell yes…’

Hell yes Ben, hell yes.  This on the other hand….

Oh girls.  Hell no.

For the final one-on-one date, the girl who brought her Grandma was given the KEY TO THE CITY!

Eye roll.

This proposed first date was apparently too much for her to handle and she went into an emotional tailspin.

Ultimately deciding to leave.

Truly, truly, Ben couldn’t throw her into that cab fast enough.

“Say hi to your Grandma for me!”

Oh Ben.  Something tells me he doesn’t deal well with rejection.

So with Grandma girl gone, clearly there was a spot open for another one-on-one and who gets the sloppy seconds?

Lindzzzzzzzzzi!!!

And let me tell you…homegirl was RIL excited about it.

The trolley car, the ice cream, the Chinatown everything was just…gag.

I loved how when they went to City Hall they needed a ‘key’ to get in.  You KNOW that key necklace was supposed to be what they were going to use but then Grandma Girl already had it and you can’t give TWO keys to the city out!  Duh.

Ladies and gentleman…

THIS GUY!

As it turns out, this is Matt Nathanson and I actually have loved his music for years…I wouldn’t feel right about making fun of him.  It just wouldn’t be right.  Now back to making fun of this chick.

Ugh.  Get a room already.

And fix your hair girl, you look a damn mess.

AGAIN with this damn piano?!?!

SERIOUSLY!  Is that the ONLY seduction move he has?!  I think this is the third girl he’s “TAUGHT” piano.  If I was them I would be insulted.  “Ben let me tickle his keys.”  “He did?  Me too!”  “Bitch!”

I want this tie.

That’s all.

This chick is WAY too into Ben already.

She couldn’t stop gushing, throwing around the “L” word.  Calm down chickadee.  Its been three weeks.  Dial back the crazy (advice for us all, really).

All episode long they had been teasing the return of one of Ben’s ex-girlfriends, perhaps?  A friend?  Who knows!  My mother spoiled it for me and told me that Chantal was coming back but when they showed her boobs I was like “those boobs aren’t big enough for Chanterellemushroom.”  But wait!  It wasn’t THAT Chantal, it was……

THIS ONE!!

PRETTY PARTY!!!!!!!

Is it just me or does Chantal and the crazy eyebrow look a little alike?

Slash a lot alike.

My FAVORITE thing this entire episode was when Chantal did an ENTIRE walk across the room and all of the girls were so engrossed in their conversation that none of them looked up.  None.  Not until the end when, you guessed it…

Eyebrow’s McGee noticed her.

After Chris Harrison (whose outfits have been so boring they’re not even worth mentioning) introduced Chantal to the girls, it was very clear they were going to take it well.

It was also clear that Ben was THRILLED to see her.

Honestly, he could barely contain his excitement.

The girls understood this was a bit of a sensitive situation so they made sure to give them plenty of privacy and space.

They were so sweet, masking whatever uncomfortable feelings they may be feeling…

…and not saying a thing against Chantal, giving her the utmost respect.

I think they really understood that, while a bold move, Chantal was putting her heart on the line and they appreciated that.

At the rose ceremony, eyebrows wasn’t sure if she was going to stay due to Chantal’s presence but I’ll be damned if she didn’t snatch up that rose and start doing weird things with it.

This chick was having a tough moment.

Just….overall.  I mean, the rose ceremony was putting her THROUGH IT.

Speaking of being put through it…

Lawd, this chick.  Did she drink too much?  Did she not drink enough?  We’ll never know.  God Bless Ben and his quick reaction, though.

Fool stood in place the entire time.  GO CHECK ON HER, ASS HAT!!

Annnnd…..

She’s okay!!!  Phew.  I was so worried for those 2.5 seconds.

Ugh.

Chantal could sense the rejection and she was not pissed about it AT ALL.

“A tank of gas and a new dress for THIS?!”

After Ben gave her the heave-ho, he had one of, I’d say, the more uncomfortable goodbyes I’ve seen on this show.

Well, that is until he left the passing out girl alone on the chair in the dark.

Good ol’ Ben, always gotta out-do himself!!!

Next week….

UTAH!!!!

Oh, and a fight between eyebrows McGee and that blonde chick that walked up the bridge but we don’t really care about that, do we?  Utah!