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Where are they now… November 30, 2007

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The other day I noticed that Elizabeth Berkely is going to be starring on CSI: Miami and thought how it was a little remarkable that the Saved By The Bell original cast actually has had a little bit of success with their careers. I now present: Where are they now, Saved By The Bell.

Mark-Paul Gosselaar

Yes he has a few more wrinkles and is in need of a facial but I happen to think he’s cuter now than he was back then. Everyone always loved Slater but I was totally a Zack boy. After SBTB, Mark Paul floundered until 2001 when he was cast on NYPD Blue. Since then he has appeared on the short lived series “Commander in Chief” and the HBO show “John From Cincinnatti.” I’m just waiting, WAITING for him to become a total has-been and appear in Playgirl.

Fun Fact: MP speaks fluent Dutch; his favorite SBTB episode is “Running Zack” (ya’ll know you remember that one)

Tiffani Thiessen:

Even now I think that Tiffani is frakkin gorgeous. And I’d venture to say she has had the most successful career of the group (although Mario Lopez has done pretty well for himself). After SBTB, Tiffani went on to join the cast of “Beverly Hills 90210” as bad girl Valerie Malone. She proceeded to guest star on many late 90’s shows including “Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place,” “Just Shoot Me” and “Good Morning Miami” and originated roles on “Fastlane” and “What About Brian,” her most recent failure…I mean project.

Fun Fact: Is best friends with her 90210 nemesis, Jennie Garth.

Mario Lopez:

Those dimples!! Those arms! Those eyes!! Is it just me or does Mario Lopez look EXACTLY THE SAME? This beefcake (who also was on Kids Incorporated and an episode of the Golden Girls) has been B List DuJour while somehow managing to book gigs including “Pacific Blue,” “The Greg Louganis Story,” “The Bold and the Beautiful” and “Nip/Tuck.” He has also gotten his feet wet in reality television, most recently competing on “Dancing With the Stars” and in 2000 co-hosting the male version of “The View,” “The Other Half.”

Fun Fact: Has been friends with Eva Longoria since 1992. Also, has danced since he was 5.

Elizabeth Berkeley:

Miss “I’m So Excited” done good! Look at her now! Elizabeth famously left SBTB Senior year to star in the hit blockbuster movie, “Showgirls.” After that she did…well…not a lot. She was in “First Wives Club,” “Any Given Sunday,” and the Woody Allen movie “Curse of the Jade Scorpion.” I think she is totally an underused actress I mean, she seriously deterred me from doing Caffeine Pills. Jessie Spano forever!!

Fun Fact: Elizabeth auditioned for the role of Rachel on “Friends.” She did not get it.

Dustin Diamond:

Oh Screech….oh….Screech. After graduation, Dustin became a teacher on “Saved By The Bell: The New Class.” He did some stand-up for years after that and then peddled his sex tape to help pay for his mortgage. Most recently he starred as “douche-bag number 1” on “Celebrity Fit Club.” I saw him standing on a balcony at Sundance but didn’t have enough energy to actually chase him down. I’m not going to chase down just anybody….Belding, maybe. But Screech? nah, I’m good.

Fun Fact: Dustin’s dad appeared on SBTB in the episode “Cream for a Day” (although I can’t think of what happened in that episode)

Lark Voorhies:

Lisa was always my favorite, I think because she was so into fashion. Lark hasn’t done as well as the other SBTB alumni but homegirl is lookin goooood! She basically has just done a bunch of soaps (Bold and the Beautiful and Days of Our Lives) and UPN shows (Fire and Ice, the Parkers). She is going to be in a movie in 2008 but I didn’t recognize a single name on there so it’s not even worth mentioning here.

Fun Fact: Was once engaged to Martin Lawrence. “Daaaaammmn Gina!”

R.I.P. November 30, 2007

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Oops…she did it….AGAIN?! November 28, 2007

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Breaking News:

There are reports that Miss Britney Jean Spears is preggo again, with producer J.R. Rotem’s baby. She has been emailing friends and saying that she is four weeks along while Rotem said “yes, it’s true” to InTouch when asked if Britney is pregnant.
Oh Britney…..you’re so unfitney….

I choose…. November 27, 2007

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As my last post was filled with hate and negative thoughts and caused some fun….um…. “discussions” I choose to make this post a little different.

I choose to join the

I choose to run with:

I choose to wear sunglasses in the:

I choose to gaze upon:

And this:

And this:

Oh he makes me giggle…..


Okay I’m distracted now….


Ten Things I Hate About You… November 23, 2007

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I have very strong opinions about many things. The strongest of these opinions concerns my nightly stories. Ya’ll KNOW I love me my stories! On Thursday while watching Ugly Betty…I decided that I should make a list of the top people I HATE on TV. So let’s rock it.

(Tie) 12. Matthew Settle as Rufus Humphrey on “Gossip Girl,” and James Denton as Mike Delfino on “Desperate Housewives”
There’s just something about these guys that drive me crazy. I don’t know if it’s the scruff or the poor fashion taste or what but I cringe everytime they’re on screen. I group them together because basically they’re the same person. Mike always has a scowl on his face for some reason or other and there’s always some crisis waiting in the wings for him (He killed a man! He has a gun! He has a drug problem! He loves Susan! No he doesn’t!). Rufus is totally going to be the next Mike with the ladies (He loves his ex wife! No he loves Serena’s mom! He’s back to the wife!) We can just call him Mike the 2nd and be done with it.

11. Missy Peregrym as Andi on “Reaper”

She’s a man. Just look at those shoulders. Besides the fact that Andi is more than a little mannish, she also is a bad actress. A box of hair could act better than she does. I’m also really over my boyfriend Bret Harrison being in love with her on the show. I’ve stopped caring about them getting together and could care less if she was off the show.

10. Antwon Tanner as “Skills” on “One Tree Hill”

Speaking of bad actors….this guy is the worst. Do we really need a character who’s name is “Skills?” And really the only stuff we know about him is that he plays basketball and likes to use all kinds of slang. He is unnecessary and only on the show because there are no ethnic people in Tree Hill….or wherever they live…

9. Mary Alice Stephenson on “America’s Most Smartest Model”

Who the hell does this chick think she is? First of all, I can’t find any evidence of her being a “former” model. I mean, there’s not even a Wikipedia article on her!! What’s up with that?! She has great hair..I will give her that. Basically each week she and Ben Stein eliminate the model who either wasn’t the most smartest or the most modeliest that week. She’ll do things like make the model go through an obstacle course before a runway show and then give them a critique like “I can’t believe you had a bead of sweat on your head as you walked down the runway. You are a disgrace to this competition” She’s just ridiculous and a bit of a bitch. Ben Stien is pretty wince-worthy as well but doesn’t infuriate me NEARLY as much as Mary Alice.

8. Tim Gunn, on “Project Runway” and “Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style”

“Let’s make it work people.” “Carry on.” “Bring in the models.” This man is one walking catch phrase. He bring gay to a whole new level and is becoming more and more of an imitation than a real person. I don’t remember disliking him this much last season–perhaps it’s because Bravo has Tim Gunn-ed us to death with how fabulous he is. I dunno…maybe I’m just jealous he gets to hang out with Heidi Klum all day. Could be a distinct possibility.

7. John Pyper-Ferguson as Joe, Sarah Jane Morris as Julia, and Kerris Lillis Dorsey as Paige on “Brother’s and Sisters”

Can I please get a resounding “wah wah?” I love Bros and Sisters, f’reals. But all three of these characters are either crying, whining, or having some emotional trauma. I almost feel bad for them as the creators have made it clear that they are bit characters but did they have to make them so UNLIKEABLE? Joe a cheater, Julia’s a bitch, and Paige is…Paige–a whiny little girl who has to take medication for a reason I have chosen to forget about. Wah Wah.

6. Tila Tequila on MTV’s “A Shot of Love with Tila Tequila”

On the first episode of this reality show Tila says “you may know me from….” then proceeded to recite a long list…of which I recognized not one event. Apparently she’s big on the internet (aren’t they all?) Good news everyone–Tila is a bisexual! And she’s here to find her next new love but will it be a guy or a girl? That’s what you’re here to find out! I love trashy reality dating shows (Ie. I Love New York) but this one has uncompelling “characters” and hanging out with Tila makes me want to take both a shower and an STD test.

5. Jim Dale, Narrator on “Pushing Daisies”

I’m trying really hard to LOVE this show. I really am. And some weeks I find myself really invested while others it takes me a good six days to watch the show. Well there’s one person that I want to punch in the throat every week and that is Jim Dale, the narrator. He’s just this know it all British guy who says things like “Ned the piemaker blah blah blah.” I know, I know. I’m unwarranted in my opinion and I can feel BFF condemning me. But can’t a boy just not like somebody and give his reason as “just cuz?”

4. Adair Tishler as Molly Walker on “Heroes”
Yet another crying child. Really? REALLY? Do we need another kid who cries on PrimeTime telly? I haven’t liked Molly since the beginning and I’ve been consistently confused by her story line. Call me stupid, call me mean, call me what you will. But this homegirl and the whole “mean man in my head” thing really irks me. I’ve been praying for weeks that they’ll kill her off but no go. I’m sorry…is that harsh of me? Do I care?
3. Bindi Irwin, the Jungle Girl

I know what you’re going to say. “Really Brian?! Another young girl? And her dad’s dead! How can you hate Bindi Irwin? You’re such a cold heartless bastard!” And to that I say “shutta up yo mouth.” How can you NOT hate Bindi? She looks like she’s missing a chromosome, she’s EVERYWHERE and she’s not afraid of snakes. What little girl isn’t afraid of snakes? I mean come on. Someone also needs to A) put this girl in a girl in a color other than khaki and B) take away this bitch’s crimping iron. Stat.

2. Tony Plana as Mr. Suarez on “Ugly Betty”

“Come on now Betty…” No…YOU come on now Mr.Suarez. I’m just over this cat. His whole “deportation to Mexico” thing, the crying about his dead wife, the cooking, the moral lessons. This is not “Ye full casa” this is Ugly Betty. They keep teasing me with getting rid of him too. He was almost fully deported, almost died, almost….well….okay, just two but they were glimpses of wonder!!

And the number one person I hate on TV is…..

1. Senhil Ramamurthy as Monhinder Suresh on “Heroes”

Ya’ll know he seriously “Mo-Hinders” my enjoyment of this show (and not I didn’t think that up myself, so shut it BFF). Not cute, not funny, and his MY TWO DADS shtick with Parkman got old fast. Do I have much to base my dislike on? No. I just don’t like him. And that has to be enough.

I can hear DC Doug saying now how there are a lot of ethnic people on here but I just have to say to him “Pshaw.” There are also white boys, white girls, homos, little children….I’m an equal opportunity hater.

That’s a whole lotta eatin… November 23, 2007

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Well, another birthday has come and gone. Thanks to all who sent well wishes and loving thoughts–I definitely felt loved all day long. And thanks also to MySpace, Friendster, and Connexion who REMINDED people that it was my birthday. That was very thoughtful of them. I have to say that this year provided more tears then I had anticipated/hoped for. I’m not really sure what was going on as I wasn’t crying because of anything in particular…I guess I just needed a release.

I was treated to a very lovely dinner at Lupa, one of Mario Batali’s restaurants.
Now I didn’t have any clue who this guy was but apparently he’s some great chef/Food Network celebrity. All I know is that when I saw him he was wearing Crocs and that’s just not okay. I was informed that Lupa is one of Sarah Jessica Parker’s favorite restaurants and while that may be a complete lie, I could see how she might like it. Seriously, the place was awesome. Definitely very authentic Italian food, complete with a menu that was totally in Italian. Had a wondefully spicy pasta, some great appetizers, great wine, good company and an amazing dessert–complete with a birthday candle. Can we say adorable?
Thursday I went out to Connecticut with BFF to spend the day with his extended family. They were all very welcoming and the food was a-ma-zing. I did miss my mom’s jello salad and she always has really great Mashed Potatoes but the turkey that BFF’s Sister made was pheonom. Brills, even. I got far too drunk on lots of red wine and passed out on the train on the way back. He came over to Anthony Rapp’s place, we watched Grey’s and Ugly Betty, and crashed. It was a nice day but I’m VERY happy it’s the weekend yet again.
Aren’t we all?

Happy Birthday Indeed November 20, 2007

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Hello everyone. So today. Today is my birthday. I am officially old. It has been a pretty standard day so far. Fed Anthony’s cats, had a meltdown because of the bags under my eyes, fought with my mom, laughed with BFF, checked PerezHilton, same old same old. Last NIGHT, however, was NOT the standard night. It started off pretty normal. Went home after work and got the mail. What was IN the mail though…was a cd I’ve been waiting WEEKS for. It’s this Off-Off-Off Broadway musical called “Bare: A Pop Opera” that is about gay catholic boys and was produced in 2004 with my boyfriend, Michael Arden.

Long story short they recorded a cd of the musical with some randoms and I was supposed to recieve it like, three weeks ago. I got in an email fight with the composer of the musical and he said he would send me a cd for free and yesterday I got it!! So I hung out after work and listened to my new cd and made plans with Page Six (also known as Jarrett) and BFF to watch Heroes and then get a drink to celebrate my impending black Tuesday celebration. So I get off the train at 53rd street and am not really sure which way to walk in order to get to Jarrett’s house. I pick a direction and start walking towards where I think is right…to my left is the Ziegfield Theater where Enchanted was about to have its New York Premiere and I’m talk to Page Six on the phone about how I want to meet Idina Menzel and how I should hang out and meet her. Well no sooner had I said these words then I see this blonde girl walking towards me and I’m like “wait a minute….that looks like….”

OH MY GOD!!!! It was KRISTEN FUCKING BELL!!!! KRISTEN BELL!! For those of you who do not know….I love Kristen Bell. I totally have a straight girl crush on her from watching Veronica Mars. VM is a brilliant show and I’ve been obsessed with her since watching the show. I fear it borders on stalker, but whatever. So I proceed to gay out and gush about her:

Me: Kristen?
Kristen Bell: Yes?
(Then I kind of stare at her because I can’t beleive it’s her)

Me: Oh. My. God. Um…I love you. I loved you on Veronica Mars and I love you on Heroes and I just think you’re amazing and gorgeous.

Kristen Bell: YOU’RE gorgeous!

Me: No. Stop. Girl, you’re insane. (as in, I can’t beleive Kristen Bell just called me gorgeous)

Kristen Bell and her friend: ha ha ha ha ha

Me: My friend Jarrett is going to die because I met you, we love you! Anyway, so great to meet you.

Kristen Bell: You too!!

I honestly could have skipped down the street after that. My legs were totally wobbly. It was the GREATEST early birthday EVER! Thank you Universe, where do I send the thank you card?

Thanks to everyone who sent nice birthday wishes. It makes me feel loved!

You’re so tall…..SO TALL!! November 16, 2007

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I saw the tallest woman I’ve ever seen on the subway today. She was African-American and was wearing an ugly coat but I guess that’s what happens when you’re that tall….you can’t be picky about fashion. I’ve seen some tall people in my life but I’m serious…it was crazy. In sticking with that theme, I’d like to introduce you to a friend of mine:
Her name is Sandra Allen but us in her inner circle call her Sandy. She’s the tallest living woman alive at 7 feet, 7 1/4 inches. She lives in Shelbyville, Indiana with the oldest living woman on record. I only wish I was making this shit up….
The woman I saw this morning was taller than Sandy, I swear. She was frakkin Hagrid’s girlfriend she was so tall!
In other news…I’m tired and I’m happy it’s Friday. The end.

Ow. November 15, 2007

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I Frakked up my neck putting lotion on my face this morning, and had no Aidan to rescue me as I lay there naked on the bathroom floor. I need one of these bad boys:

It is my birthday on Tuesday you know….perfect timing!!

It’s Like the Damn Gay Pride Parade November 15, 2007

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Good morning! Ooh my goodness we have so much to talk about today.
Last night after work I went to look at some places with Spencer and, unfortunately, it appears that the really great two-bedroom won’t work out. The other apartment, a studio, was the doorway to hell and I ran out of there as fast as I could. The shower was IN the kitchen. So I’m on the phone with my mom ugly crying and who walks past me but Xanadu the musical and All Shook Up star Cheyenne Jackson!

You also may recognize him from the HILARIOUS movie “United 93.”

I went home to wallow in self-pity and watch my stories and watch my stories I did. I basically watched like, six hours of tv last night. HOT! First up–America’s Next Top Model.

Dear Ambreal: I’m sorry that you went home. I’m sorry that they gave you that really unfortunate haircut. I’m sorry that they told you you could go to China and then took it back. I’m really sorry I had to look up your nostrils during the second week’s picture. And I’m sorry that you actually had a good picture this week and still went home! Seriously though, Ambreal was on the chopping block for weeks and we all knew that this was coming sooner or later. You didn’t really think you could win, did you?

What happened to the days of Janice Dickenson, or Nole Marin, or even Miss J. Why is it that every week we have to have frakkin BENNY NINJA, Vouge-er extroirdinaire, administer all of the challenges?

I get it. You dress funky. You like to Vogue. Now Vogue your ass off my show.

And the girls are going to China. Didn’t they just go to China? Or was that Hong Kong? Isn’t Hong Kong IN China? I’m so confused….I’m also confused why Lisa didn’t go home. Seriously. The stripper looked better before she got her makeover and now she doesn’t know what to do with herself. Besides cry. Just cry Lisa. It’ll make everything better in the end.

Also last night there was a new season premiere of Project Runway. Once I saw Heidi Klum walking across the lawn of Bryant Park, it felt like an old friend was coming home again. And she’s not pregnant! I feel like every cycle of PR I’ve watched, she’s been preggo.

Tim Gunn looked exceptionally red this episode and said lots of Tim Gunn-esque things like “make it work” and “let’s go people” and “here are the models.” Some girl went home and she was so unforgettable I already forget her name and don’t feel like looking it up. For some reason it seems like every guy on this season is gay. Was it like that in the past? I seem to only remember about four each season but this year it’s like a damn Pride Parade.

Monique Lullier was the guest judge this week and is it just me or do she and Vanessa Manillo look exactly alike?

Okay…maybe not so much in this picture but I’m telling you–watch the episode and you’ll be like “Monique? Vanessa? Monique? Vanessa?” It’s CRAZAZY!!!!

I’m out ya’ll. Happy Thursday.