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Best. Movie. EVER. January 30, 2009

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In life, there are some really great text messages you can receive:



But perhaps the best text you could receive, in all the land…EVER….would be:

For those of you who don’t know….and how could you not if you know me at all….Sister Act 2 is the greatest movie EVER. Whoopi, Lauren Hill, Frankey (hey, ho) that one girl from Legally Blonde, Maggie Smith, Jennifer Love Hewitt, the list goes on and on and on. I have many memories with this movie. When it first came out they were playing it on Cinemax but we didn’t have Cinemax so I would watch it with the squibbles. You know what I’m talking about, the porn squibbles? Most people would watch porn on Cinemax, I watched Sister Act 2. Then one time in Michigan Jill, Erica, Christie and I were, for whatever reason, driving Jill’s dad’s convertible with the top down ROCKING out to “Joyful, Joyful.” Everyone in the cars around us thought we were listening to rap music. If only they knew.

So last night I’m busy uploading my Tyra video to my editor (more on that later today) and I get the Sister Act text from Page Six. Even though I own the movie, who am I to not drink up a little SA2?!?! So I turned on the telly and it was, indeed, my favorite part of the entire movie. JOYFUL JOYFUL!!!!!

Some things I loved:

Remember when Lauryn Hill WASN’T crazy? Ugh. She was so amazing in this movie. My favorite is when she is singing the first part and there’s that chick doing the sign language behind her.
This is the most diverse choir EVER. White kids, black kids, Asians, Jennifer Love Hewitts, deaf people–the only thing better would have been having a retarded guy in there. He could have been a part of the rap!
“Joyful Joyful lord we adore thee and in my life I put none before me cause since I was a youngsta I came to know, that you was the only way to go”

Omg, when the song goes from slow to fast and then they break it down with that dance….UGH. I die. I used to know the entire dance that they do but then I got old and forgot it.

I love these four girls. They’re like, the epitome of early 90’s fashion. Look at those orange shorts. Ugh. LOVES IT. I think that’s the girl that sings “Eye of the Sparrow” with Rita and is all “Rita, what’s wrong? You take the high part, and I’ll take the low.” So great.

Whoopi has never been greater in any movie before, or since.

I cry at two different parts in this movie, every single time I watch it. One is when they win the singing competition

And the other is the conversation between Rita and her mom.

Look at that face. Damn, Sheryl Lee Ralph is TOUGH in this movie. She doesn’t like music, she doesn’t like singing, she doesn’t like smiling, she doesn’t like joy, she doesn’t like happiness, she doesn’t like sunshine, she doesn’t like babies, she doesn’t like rainbows, she doesn’t like candy. She is a tough bitch. When she first sees Rita, you think she’s gonna kick her ass. But then….

She says the phrase: “You’re amazing. I am so. proud. of you.” TEAR!!! And look–Rita’s happy too!!!

The only affection we see between those two in the entire movie. Ugh. Warms my heart everytime.

Then Mother Superior tells Whoopi that because of her the school isn’t closing and everyone lives happily ever after!!!! I don’t know how anyone can NOT like this movie.

Tonight is British Ben’s going away party. It’s sure to be a fun time, but I wish we were celebrating something else and not his leaving. Sad face. And sad face to the fact that it’s Friday and I’m not even excited about that fact. I’m just busy. I can definitely feel a rut coming on.

Gotta hit the gym but remember everyone: “If you wanna be somebody, if you wanna go somewhere, you better wake up and pay attention.” Didn’t the girl that sang that part look a little bit like Tiffani Amber Thiessen?

Gorgeous January 29, 2009

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From the previous post…

Amanda said…
“Why do you always post the un-cutest pictures of me and then, as if that’s not bad enough, you
have to tease me about the fact that I have a farmer tan…thanks for that…geez…”

Amanda, you are the most beautiful flower in my garden of ladies. I apologize if you thought I was posting unflattering pictures of you. I thought you looked great in both. And I’ll make fun of a farmer’s tan no matter who you are. How can I not? At least it wasn’t as bad as this guys’:

That’s just disturbing. I love you Amanda!

Happy Birthday…. January 29, 2009

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To my one, my only, my Oprah!!!

She has provided me so much joy….

So many laughs….

And so many tears over the years.

As John Travolta said at your 50th birthday party: “The world is a better place because you’re in it.”

John Travolta on the other hand….well….that’s up for debate.

So Happy 55th B-Day, Miss O. I love you!

I’ll Be Your American Boy January 28, 2009

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What do you get when you put together:
Whym, an amazing New York restaurant….

…really great red wine and conversation….

…six games of bowling at Lucky Strike lanes….


…a couple of games of pool…..


….and a really cute British boy?

Well, you pretty much get the BEST. DATE. EVER!!

In case you can’t guess, British Ben and I went on a date! A real live date! Huzzah! He was able to rearrange his plans and put aside a night for me, which I was so thankful for. Now the smart thing, upon meeting him, would have been to just stay far far away because hello–he’s leaving! What’s the point of expiration dating? But no, I went ahead and fell down the rabbit hole. And I’m wrecked. Of course, of COURSE this had to happen to me. Clearly I did something right to have met this amazing guy, and clearly I did something wrong to have him taken away from me so suddenly. But we had a really good first and last date, I’ll be seeing him at his going away party on Friday, and I’ll hopefully forge a long and lasting intercontinental friendship with him.

Or I’ll just cry every night and pine away for years to come. I’m still undecided.
I’ve still got some “Blast from the past” pictures left so I decided to post some more for your viewing pleasure again today. Please to enjoy.
Play-Doh!
Yes that is me. And yes that is Play-doh. And yes that is me eating the play-doh. I don’t know if I was actually eating it or just licking it off of my fingers. In either case, it’s gross. And possibly toxic. Maybe that’s the reason that I came out like I did. My favorite thing is that my mom not only allowed me to eat the Play-Doh, she allowed me to eat it long enough to take a picture of me eating it. Gotta love her!
We’re Not Gonna Pay….
I’ve seen Rent a lot. Like, 14 times a lot. It’ll be 15 in February when Anthony and Adam come to NJ. But my very first time seeing the show was really special for me because I was seeing it with my dad….who then proceeded to fall asleep during it. We drove down to Chicago from Michigan and apparently it was raining and apparently I got Wendy’s. Must explain why I’m so FAT IN THIS PICTURE!
Stuff
When I was a Junior in High School I traveled with my church to East St. Louis to work at a day care for a week. It was definitely one of the most rewarding experiences of my life and I look back on it with such fond memories. I was with my best friends and doing a great service. What more could one ask for? Anyway, I remember how all of the little black girls in the class would just flock to me (I loved me a black girl even way back then!). My favorite girl was the one in front–Markeisha. Everyone would call her “Stuff” because she would just “Stuff” everything in her mouth. She was SO. CUTE. Crazy to think that all of those kids are like, 12/13 years old now. It’s very possible I’ll see some of them on Maury in a few years looking for their baby daddies.
And you wonder why I was in love
Look how cute Eric is here!!! The hair, the dimple, the smile–he looks SO YOUNG. Yeah, he don’t look so young anymore! I, on the other hand, haven’t aged a day.
48, 49, 50!!
Please to meet my wife, Annette. In college we were pretending dating, and then pretend married. We have two kids, and a dog named Rufus. For some reason, we started kissing all the time. And counting our kisses. I believe this kiss pictured was number…….35? Our fiftieth kiss was on stage during “Cabaret,” we wanted to make sure number fifty counted. And yeah, the picture above? I’ve got like, twenty different types of those picture. Annette gets around, yo!
EEEEYIKES
Senior year, right before “Forum,” a disaster happened. That disaster being MY EYEBROWS!! Just look at them! I went a little tweezer crazy and then couldn’t reverse it so I had to do the other one the same and then had to go fix the other one and so on….Allow me to post another picture of Cassandra and I to make up for this one.
There we go, don’t we look pretty? She doesn’t even read this blog so she’ll never see how gorgeous we were/are. Her loss I say, her loss.
The picture above was taken at the charade known as EVT’s wedding. It was the first time since graduation the whole group was together and it was SUCH a fun time.

Here are Annette, Phil, and Amanders at the rehearsal dinner. Look at how sassy Annette looks. I’ve always loved this picture. Nice farmer’s tan Amanda.
EEEEYIKES, Part 2
I like ice cream. Come on, who doesn’t? But this is a bit excessive. One night during the USU Reunion 2004, we all went to Cold Stone. Annette got a “Like it” like a good girl, and I got a “Gotta Have it” like a fat girl. WILL YOU LOOK AT THE DIFFERENCE?!?!?! I could not believe how giant my ice cream was. Wouldn’t you bet I ate the whole damn thing. Please, I’m not going to let my money go to waste! I loved that necklace, I wonder where it went.
Rama-lama-ding-dong
Please meet Ramsey. Another one of my besties Freshman year, she and I had so much fun together. It’s actually through her that I met Heidi so I’ll forever be grateful to her for that. Even though Heidi is a pill sometimes. And a lot of work. And I know that she’s getting worked up reading those sentences which makes it all the funnier. Love you Heidi!
VEGAS
Summer after Senior Year all the ‘mos were doing a trip to Vegas to see Tori Amos and Ben Folds. I was dating Tanner at the time, and of course have a hard time doing a Tori concert without Doug, so he came along too. It was such a fun time….even though Tanner and I fought the entire trip. And he threw a dime at my head. He was so abusive to me. I included this picture to show you that I used to be young and beautiful. And to show you how in love Doug was with me. Look at the way he’s staring at me! Admit it Doug, you know you want me.
In other news, it’s raining and that sucks. BUT I was able to talk to my mom today and she’s doing well after her surgery! Yay Ma Bahr!

Top 15 Most Awkward Moments from last night’s "The Bachelor" January 27, 2009

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Last night after watching “The Bachelor,” Sarah and Becky emailed me requesting a blog post touching on the events of this episode. At first I was a tad stumped. “Sure, it was a great episode, but can I really eke an entire blog post out of it?” Well it turns out, I can!! I now present to you The Top 15 Most Awkward Moments of Monday night’s “The Bachelor” And even if you don’t watch the show, read on. There are things from last night’s episode we can all learn from.

The Top 15 Most Awkward Moments of Monday Night’s “The Bachelor” in chronological order

1. Nikki’s Freaking Out

This week, all of the ladies were challenged to write a song to Jason, detailing their love for him. For the most part, everyone was excited for this challenge. But then……there’s Nikki. Adorable, lovable, Debbie Downer ass Nikki. Homegirl was not too happy to sing in front of everyone, especially Jason, and made sure she let us know by crying, whining, and then crying some more.

2. Nikki’s Song

Nikki ended up singing, and she didn’t have that bad of a voice…but her song was about her children. That she doesn’t have. No, she was signing a song to her future children. Uh….wasn’t this supposed to be a song about Jason? She then had the audacity to be pissed about not getting the date rose. Stupid bitch. I hate Nikki.

3. Molly’s a ho

So J picked Molly (whose name I thought was actually Holly until I looked it up this morning) as the winner of the song competition and therefore the winner of the one on date. They had smores by a campfire, then she stayed the night in his tent. The next morning, she did the first ever Bachelor walk of shame!! A tad awkward walking into the house wearing Jason’s clothes and showing off to all the other girls who are trying to win Jason’s affection, donchathink?!

4. Shannon, Part 1

Shannon’s a freak. Shannon’s a stalker. And Shannon could not get Jason to kiss her no matter how hard she tried. This week the group date visited the set of General Hospital and did fake scenes together. Some random soap stars were going to show the girls how to kiss on camera and wouldn’t you know it Shannon stepped up to the plate and volunteered. This is the girl who knows the names of Jason’s Brother’s girlfriends. Dude–you should have voted her off week 1! Do not kiss your stalker!


5. Kissing Naomi

I happen to like Naomi. But it turned my stomach watching her kiss him take after take after take. Mostly because I had to see all of the other girls’ reactions over and over again, but also because I was a little jealous.

6. Kissing Jillian

I also happen to like Jillian. There’s no way she’ll win, but I like her. The most awkward thing about this moment? The wig, the makeup, the coat….good for you for finally getting a kiss Jill, but if this is the way you gotta go about it? I dunno, I’d rethink things in the future.

7. Kissing Megan

The single mom that no one in the house likes? She was STOKED to finally kiss Jason in her G.H. scene! Unfortunately, no one ever heard from Jason again after she SWALLOWED HIS FACE. Less is more sweetie, less is more. Sorry you went home, btw.
8. Lauren is crazy

Meet Lauren. Lauren is crazy. Scratch that–Lauren is a crazy BITCH. Homegirl thought it would be smart to be bold and tell Jason that “If you don’t give me the group date rose, I’ll be pissed off.” She wasn’t asking, she was telling. Bossy is good Lauren, but only in bed. And not on a date with a guy who clearly doesn’t like you. You can’t FORCE someone into liking you—trust me, I’ve tried. Seeing as your pushiness got you sent home, might I suggest a more subtle approach next time?


9. Shannon, Part 2

Oh Shannon, your entire performance on this group date was just humiliating. First you forced Jason into kissing you (there was no way he could have said no!) and then you steal him away only to cry. Telling him things like how you “put your heart on your shoulder” (uh…isn’t it sleeve?) and how badly you “want to meet Ty” while sobbing really don’t help your case. And then there was….


10. Shannon Part 3, The Napkin

Oh dear God, the napkin. After she blubbered on his shoulder, Jason was nice enough to hand her a napkin so she could wipe the impending snot off her mouth. I have never seen an uglier wiping of nose. Honey, if you’re with the man you’re trying to get with, don’t stick the napkin directly up your nose. And then HANDING it to him? Girl, what is your problem?! The sad thing? Shannon wasn’t done yet.

11. Shannon Part 4, The Napkin Part 2

After everything, Shannon sticks her lips out to Jason, who politely kisses her. Then she wipes some snot away, and he picks dried up napkin off her lips. SEXY.

12. Stephanie and Nikki’s Dance Off
Stephanie and Nikki were picked for the two on one date, meaning that one girl would get the rose and stay, and the other would be sent packing. Before we could find this out though, the girls had dinner and dancing lessons. I don’t know which was more awkward– the actual dancing, or the fact that each girl interrupted the other after about a minute of dancing. “Can I cut in?” “It’s my turn!” “Please do allow me to steal him back.” “I’m just barely out of an 11 year relationship, let me dance with him!” “My husband died, I deserve it more!” “I’m single!” “I’m a single mom!” “Bitch!” “Whore!” F’real. Awks.

13. Nikki’s Goodbye Speech


It was totally obvi that Nikki was going to be the one sent packing. She and Jason had like, ZERO in common, and she was totally tragic. My favorite part of the night Nikki ever though, was when she was in the limo on her way home. And I quote: ” I never saw this coming. Never. Jason and I had a great connection. I don’t want to say ‘I deserve this,’ but I deserve this. Stephanie is wonderful, and had a wonderful marriage with a great man. Unfortunately, he died. I’ve never been married. It’s my turn.” Ah Nikki, I shall miss you so.

14. Crazy Bitch’s Kiss

After Lauren said to Jason “you didn’t give me the rose, I’m pissed at you.” She went on to say “so why don’t you kiss me? You haven’t kissed me yet. Kiss me!” Jason tittered nervously and obliged out of politeness. Lauren then proceeded to eat his face.
And the fifteenth most awkward moment from last night’s “The Bachelor….”…..which really was the most awkward….
15. “You get a rose! You get a rose! You get a rose!” but you three don’t.

By this point in the night, Nikki had already gone home. Jill, Naomi, Melissa, Molly, and Steph received roses. We had three girls left: crazy bitch Lauren, Stalker bitch Shannon, and Single mom bitch Megan. There was only one rose left. Cut to Jason saying “I’m sorry, I can’t hand out this final rose. It wouldn’t be fair to any of you to keep you here.” AWKWARD. I wonder why he felt the need to send home the only three girls whom he was FORCED to kiss. Lesson learned. If there’s one thing this Bachelor episode, and I for that matter, can teach anyone out there, it’s that you can’t force anyone to kiss you. It has to happen naturally.
Or at the very least, drunkenly.

Blasts From the Past January 27, 2009

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On a recent Saturday night at home, I decided to take a look through some old pictures and feel sorry for myself. I took the liberty of scanning some that I found humorous for your viewing pleasure. Please to enjoy.

Bad Hair Day #1


Freshman year of college, highlighting hair with Shannon, my next door neighbor. Shannon became like a sister to me that first year and although we grew apart in the following years we never completely lost touch. I’ll never forget the fun times I had that first year.

Bad Hair Day #2


For some reason I thought it was a good idea to bleach my hair Freshman year. Why didn’t anyone talk me out of it? Ah well, I was young, I was in college, and it was the late 90’s. I suppose that’s the thing to do, eh? We’ve all had our share of hair bleach gone wrong (right Spenc?)

Bad Hair Day # 3


Meet Melanie. Melanie is a Morman. Melanie is a white girl. And yes, you are seeing correctly–Melanie has long braids piled on top of her head. This picture was taken at the end of year theater banquet and I wish I could say Mel had that hair for this occasion but no, she had this hair for many months prior. Hair Fail.


Timms

Sarah! I have adored this picture for years, probably because we look like a couple. Sarah was one of my favorite people that I met Freshman year and I’m so happy to be talking to her again. She’s a frequent visitor to BriTunes so a shout out to Sarah!

“Pride” and Prejudice

At the time do you think any of those two boys with me were gay? Nope. Now, do you think any of those boys with me are gay? Both. When I first started at USU theater I was the only ‘mo in the department and by the time I left it was littered with them. I started the trend, I did. This was taken before a performance of “Pride and Prejudice” where I played about fifteen different characters. Captain Champagne being one of them. Look at my hair–it’s like a frickin‘ perm.

Halloween #1

This Halloween is memorable to me because it was the one year everyone was being lame and didn’t want to go out. I remember Annette flip flopping between going out, and staying in, going out, staying in. In the end we all threw costumes together and went to the HOWL. Here I am with Amanda who is a lovely yodeler. Or goatherd. Or Sound of Music character. I’m not sure.
Prof.
I met many people who helped shape my life in college, but no two influenced me more than Kevin and Adrienne. They were always supportive, constructive, and taught me more about myself as an actor and a person than anyone I came across in my four years at USU. For that, I’ll always be grateful! This picture makes me laugh because I was SO SICK. It was the last week of school and I had mono. I remember going to this party and wanting to hang so bad but I couldn’t stop feeling like I was going to pass out. It looks like I’m embracing them, but I was probably just leaning on them so I wouldn’t fall over!
Fat Girl Fever
Jamie and I would occasionally have fat girl nights where we would get food and watch bad movies. This particular fat girl night was memorable because we bought a container of whipped cream and then bought about ten random items of food and dipped everything in the whipped cream. Candy, crackers, jello, cheese, carrots……so gross. At the time it was delicious and looking back it’s hilarious–best of both worlds!
Best. Story. EVER.

I love the zoo. Every summer I would convince everyone to come with me, even though nothing had changed from the year prior. This particular year I was dating Blake, and he had just had knee surgery so we rented a wheelchair to wheel him around in. Well, after a while he wanted to walk so we each took turns riding in it. Towards the end of the day I was pushing Heidi and we came across some railroad tracks, where the little zoo tram would ride on. I stopped, left Heidi on the tracks, and walked away. For some reason we all thought this was the funniest thing in the world. I think what made it so funny was Heidi’s reaction to it. It’s moments like those I wish my life was a reality show so I could go back and play the video. Love you Heidi!

Coming Soon…. January 27, 2009

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The Most Awkward Moments From Last Night’s Episode of “The Bachelor.”

Even if you don’t watch the show, you’ll enjoy this post, trust.

I’ve got work to do this morning, so make sure to check back this afternoon.

Peace.

Hip to be Square January 26, 2009

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A big ol’ “GOOD LUCK” goes out to my madre, BarbBahr, who is attending the hospital tomorrow and having a hip replacement! Because I call my mother about fifteen times a day to talk about utter nonsense, I’m very depressed she’ll be unavailable to talk in the morning and then drugged up for the remainder of the day. But I know she’ll be great and would love everyone to send her positive thoughts tomorrow!

In other news, this day sucks.

Stupid British boys…. January 26, 2009

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Screw you, economy. Universe, you suck. Fate, you can bite me. Look, I don’t profess to have the best luck. I’ve never been the most positive guy. But lately I’ve tired to put a new spin on my attitude and outlook in hopes of changing my karma and improving my relationships with friends, family, work, and the menz. So far, I’m actually doing really well and it has just reinforced my positive thinking. But last night, I got the biggest kick in the ass from the Universe and naturally I’m a bit annoyed today. Allow me to explain, get it out, and then never speak of it again. As Spenc has advised “get out of your head and have fun” so I shall, but I have to say something!

Last night Spenc and I decided to do dinner. We had a few options of where to go and we finally decided on Bamboo 52 for Happy Hour drinks and sushi. We get there and run into our friends Alex and Eric, whom we decide to join. After dinner Alex, Spenc and I decide to go to Vvlada for one more drink and to meet his friend who was going to be leaving the city in a few days. Now as it turns out, I had known of this guy through mutual friends but we had never met. We hit it off and ended up talking the entire night, til the wee hours of the morning. British. Adorable. Funny. Smart. Great apartment. Thinks I’m “interesting.” Loads of potential. Get this shit: Homeboy has been in New York for 2.5 years, lives a half a block away from me, and is leaving in six days never to return.

I don’t ask for much in life. But why does the Universe feel the need to mess with a potentially great thing? My life is all about timing, and I hate it. I don’t like to throw the “fate” word around but if we had decided on going to have beer and hot dogs at Rudy’s I never would have met him. If we had decided to go home after Bamboo, I never would have met him. It was meant to be and therefore, meant to torment me. But I got it out there, I’ll get out of my head, and hopefully see Britain again at some point this week. I asked him when I could see him again and he said in his ADORABLE British accent “I don’t know, I’ve got dinners and a lot of friends to say goodbye to.” And he calls me “Brian Bah” cause he’s British and so he doesn’t say his “R’s”…..sigh. Stupid accent. Stupid boys. Stupid Universe.

Speaking of stupid, my first Single and Fierce blog is up. Check it out here . I think it’s kinda funny–I hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think!

Also, if you happened to miss Friday’s edition of the Gay Truth Booth, check it out here

Next week’s edition should be pretty cool because I think that we’re going to be doing a video version of the Truth Booth. We’ll see how it turns out.

Pretty normal Monday at work. I’m about to do a Build and Burn class and my legs are nervous for the work out their about to endure. More from me later. Bye. Or as Britain would say…”Cheerio.”

WTF?! January 23, 2009

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Welcome to this Friday edition of “WTF?” Seriously people, WTF.
Let’s start with the obvious WTF of the week…
Lost

Seriously Lost, WTF? You were so confusing last season and now in the first episode you’re not even going to start answering any questions you’re just going to give us more??! Wtf?! If I wasn’t so concerned with finding out the secret of the island I would quit you, I would quit you right now. I’ll stay true, but man you frustrate me!

Shia LeDouche
Yes, that is Shia under the paper bag. I know how badly we were all wishing that Michael Phelps finally got the message, but nah, just Shia. Is he really THAT big of a celeb that he has to resort to these kind of shenanigans? WTF is wrong with him? Sorry Kaka, I know you love him, but he’s a LeDouche.
Kelly Osbourne checks into rehab
Um….wtf? I thought she was already there? Is it bad I’m not surprised, like, at all by this information? Just another day at the office for the Osbournes.
Padma is dating an old dude

Padma Lacksmilackalooloo from “Top Chef” is one hot babe. Saw her in person at Out 100 and I’m telling you, she is smokin.’ So why in the same hell is she dating this old dude? I mean, if you’re going to go that old, go with Hef and become one of the Girls Next Door! Wtf Padma, wtf.
Cat on Clothes
I have this weird thing I do whenever I get home from work. I immediately take of my tie, my shirt, and my pants, and walk around the house in a Tshirt and boxers for a while. It’s weird, I know, but it’s what I do. Anyway, the other day I didn’t put my clothes away, I just threw them on my bed. I come in to my room later and Carrie is laying on my clothes. She has the ENTIRE bed to lay on and she chooses to lay on the only place I would prefer she not. Wtf? If her hand weren’t draped so adorably around my watch, I would have been pissed. As it was, I just shooed her off and lint brushed away.
Mini Me kissing a doll
Apparently he’s on Big Brother London but…I don’t…I can’t….wtf…..

Sony Headphones

I have this particular pair of headphones that I like so I always buy them but it NEVER FAILS they break within two months. One of the ears goes out and it drives me CRAZY only hearing out of one ear. Argh! Wtf?!

Pete Wentz

Nice boots. Wtf.
In other, non-WTF news, I would like to wish a very very VERY happy birthday to the one and only KELLY KAPOWSKI!!
Or Tiffani Amber Thiessen. Or Valerie Malone. Or Tiffani Thiessen. Whichever you prefer.