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Top Top Modelers March 31, 2009

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In honor of BriTunes’ 450th post, I decided to do a little Top Model dedication.

I know Tyra, I’m excited too, but wait for it. Little did I know that copying and pasting pictures would take me all day, so my apologies for the day late post. Better use of time than going to the gym? Totes McGotes my friends, Totes McGotes.

There have been a lot of Top Modeler’s over the years, and by a lot I mean A LOT. If you figure there’s roughly 13 girls every cycle, and there have been 12 cycles so far, that’s 156 girls, yo! That’s a whole lot of extensions/breakdowns/freak outs/high heels/tears. Of course we all have our favorites and certain tv personalities stick with us, even after that final picture is handed out. I have 15 beautiful Top Model contestants standing in front of me, but only one, can be Brian’s. Favorite. Top. Mo. D. El. I put a lot of thought into the order and there was more to my placement than just “good runway, good pictures, good personality.” Some of my favorites didn’t necessarily make it very far, but I think you’ll notice a few winners in there. I also screwed up when inserting the pictures so instead of going from last to first, we’re going the anticlimatic route and going first to last. Oh well. Many thanks go out to Rich over at fourfour for letting me use his pictures and gifs. And by “letting me use” I do mean “letting me steal.”

#1. Joanie – Cycle Six, Runner-Up

There’s so much to love about Joanie. A former Preacher’s daughter and exotic dancer, Joanie had it going ON. She consistently turned out great picture

after great picture.

Plus she was funny

see? She’s calling someone ‘bitch.’ HILARIOUS! She also wasn’t afraid to uglify herself on tv.

Oh the snaggle tooth….ooohhhh, the snaggle tooth. “I was in that dentist chair for THIR-TEEN-HOURS!!!” Loves me some Joanie! While I’m very happy that Dani won in her season, it is the only time in Top Model history I wished it could have been a tie.

#2. Eva–Cycle 3, Winner

Eva was a bitch. This we knew. But MAN, could she turn it out.

The shortest Top Model winner in the history of the show (that is, until this year, the “5’7 and under season”) Eva took on bitches like Anne, Jennipher (ph? Really?) and Cassie in what is arguably the best Top Model season EVER.

Remember this shoot? Eva was TERRIFED of the spider. Modeling through the tears, that’s what it’s all about. You better work it bitch.

#3. Dani–Cycle 6, Winner

Dani’s awesome for a couple of reasons.

1. She gave us one of my favorite Top Model pictures in the history of the competition.

2. She was very expressive.

3. She knows her angles.

4. And she gave us this gem.


I love bloopers!!!

#4. Jaslene–Cycle 8, Winner

JASHLENE!!!

Attention Wal-Mart shoppers, Jaslene is awesome. Rejected the previous year, Jaslene came back in Season 8 to win it all. She’s a drag queen trapped in a woman’s body (hello, Cha-Cha Diva, anyone?) Jaslene shows us she knows how to smile with her eyes.

But also turn out a fiiiiiiierce picture.

She commanded picture after picture and truly deserved the title of winna!

#5. Kahlen–Cycle 4, Runner-Up

Kahlen was robbed! ROBBED!! That slut bag Naima took the crown from her and I’ve been bitter ever since.

Kahlen was one of the first “I don’t really know how to model but I’m awesome at it” types that went very far in the competition.

She was funny, charming, and endearing which made me like her all the same. If they ever have a “Top Model All-Stars” season, they should totally bring back Kahlen!

#6. Amanda–Cycle 3, Third Place

Sometime the mark of a good Top Model-er isn’t whether or not she’s an actual good model, but whether or not she’s fun to make fun of. Amanda “where are my crystals I’m legally blind” was one of the best contestants EVER for this. Between crying about missing her son and telling us she was legally blind every five minutes, Amanda rocked.

It didn’t hurt that she really did turn out a fierce picture…

…most of the time. I don’t need to see your tramp stamp! Eeeyyyikes!

#7. Jade–Cycle 6, Third Place


Fabulous indeed Jade, fabulous indeed. You’re no Danny Gokey, but you’re pretty damn fabulous. You know what you’re not though?

America’s Next Top Best Friend. Jade brought so much dramz, so many weird moments, and so many made up words throughout her season.

So odd.

Yup, RIL odd.

But in her defense, Jade really did turn out some great pictures. Hell, she made it to the final three! She was a crazy bitch, and we loved her for it.

#8. Toccara–Cycle 3, sixth place


Well well well, if it isn’t little miss….I mean…big miss….Toccara Jones. As she herself would say “my butt is big, my personality is bigger.”

Personality, blue afro…..you say tomato I say vodka.

As it was though, Toccara made me laugh and really did turn in some great pictures. And she didn’t go all “Celebrity Boot Camp/angry Tyra” until long after the competition. During her season she was a riot! If she didn’t completely check out halfway through, who knows how far she could have gone.

#9. Yoanna–Cycle 2, Winner


Those eyes!


That range!

Those cheekbones!

Yoanna was the original queen of fierce. The clear winner from the start (please, who thought that April was going to win? Exactly) she dominated the competition and deserves a spot on the Top 15 Top Models.
#10. Caridee–Cycle 7, Winner

Part Top Model


Part Elephant, Caridee definitely brought the LOL’s and was probably the most naturally gorgeous Top Modeler we’ve ever had.

She was cute, fun, spunky and deserving of the crown. If that bitch Melrose had won…there would’ve been hell to pay. I think you’re pretty damn great Caridee, what do you think?
Yay, indeed.

#11. Kim–Cycle 5, fifth place

Adorable School boy lesbian chic?

Check.

Ability to turn straight girls gay?


Check. (btw, you’re welcome Patrick)

Perfectly coiffed lesbi faux hawk?


Check.


Yeah, Kim pretty much rocked my world way back in Cycle 5. In fact, I met Mr. Jay while Cycle 5 was airing and one of the only things I could say was “I love Kim!” Yeah…I know. Kim was sarcastic, funny, and bitchy–perfect Top Model combination!

#12. Dionne–Cycle 9, Third Place

Wholahey Brown say wha–?

Okay, is Dionne the best Top Model ever? Absolutely not. But she was full of great quotes and comedic moments and you have to admit that she really did good face.

The problem with the girls lower on the list is that there’s really not much to say about them. But it’s fun to see them again after so many….Cycles. My favorite Dionne moment was when she won a challenge and the prize was to see her mom, sister, and daughter. And I quote: “I was so happy to see them, but then I look down at my daughter and my first thought was ‘what the *beep* did they do to my baby’s hair?!”


Rock on Wholahey, rock on. Btw, for those unaware, the models were forced to pick a “model” name and Dionne picked Wholahey. Yes, Wholahey. Shows how crazy she be!

#13. Sheena–Cycle 11, Seventh Place?

Sheena is awesome. Why? Flexible.

Pocahontas-Y….


And the ability to “smile with her eyes.”

She was a hootch, and we loved her for it. Brooklyn in the house.

#14. Alison–Cycle 12, Still in Competition

Alison is totally like a troll doll. Say wha….?

Yes darling, Troll Doll. But there’s just something about her I love. Who cares that she can’t walk the runway to save her life? The fact of the matter is, the girl gives good face.
A little bit Mary-Kate and Ashley, a little bit dazed Heather Graham.
I have a feeling, as long as Alison continues to pump out great pictures like this

she’ll go far. At this point in the season it’s really anybody’s game so we’ll just have to wait and see! Fingers crossed that Allison is there in the end!

#15. Annaleigh–Cycle 11, Third Place

Annaleigh! What up, yo?


Annaleigh was totally gyped out of second place and even the crown (mcKey, SERIOUSLY?!) She was cute, spunky, commerical, adorable, but also able to take high fashion shots like this


Maybe it was her hair, maybe it was her attitude, but I done liked Annaleigh a whole lot.

Even if she is anticlimactic being at the end of a post like this…see?! I told you! I screwed it up! Aw hell….
Who knows how many Top Model Cycles there will be and who knows how crazy Tyra will get. To all the past, present, and future Top Modelers, I say thank you for the hours and hours of time wasted and the overwhelming desire to pretend I’m on a catwalk every time I walk down a long hallway. I shall forever be in your debt.
XoXo
Gossip Girl
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One Tree OMG March 30, 2009

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As seen on Friday’s “The Soup.” You’ve got to see it to believe it….

Weekend Recap March 30, 2009

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Word to my homies. Monday morning…boooooo….

After a restless night of sleep and odd dreams (Me as “The Bachelor?!” What?!) here I am back at my FAVORITE PLACE IN THE WORLD!!! Honestly, it’s like a sign was put out for me on the way into work:

I suppose having an icky Monday morning is my punishment for having SUCH a great weekend. Friday night was my first ever giant House Party:

And no, Kid and Play did not show up. Damn! However, tons and tons of my friends came as did many, many people I didn’t know. Which was fine, but for a second there I was stressin.’ That was, until Page Six mentioned that I was starting to sound/look like the crazed hostess from “Can’t Hardly Wait.”

Upon hearing this, I calmed down greatly. We had a game of flip cup going, and a game of beer pong going which made for messy floors but a great time. There was minimal damage done and clean-up didn’t take long the next day. Word on the street is that everyone had a blast (said one party attender: “One of the best parties of ’09!”) so because of that I say “huzzah! House Party success!” Didn’t take many pictures but the ones we did take turned out awesome.

Spencer, Norman, Currier, Matty Ray, and Husband. This picture took about 25 minutes to take b/c we couldn’t figure out how to work the flash on my camera.

As evidenced by this picture of Scotty and I. Great picture, lighting could use a little work.

And a picture of Steve More-O and also could use a little help with the lighting. Love me some More-O though.

Remember SH@Z@M, Norway’s hottest boy band? Well they made an appearance at the party! Unfortunately one of our member’s was in rehab so we added an additional member, Currier. Make sure to keep a look out for their new single, “Flip Cup of Love,” to be released soon.

I woke up in a daze on Saturday with a new, unexpected friend.

The biggest zit EVER. I’m serious, this mothafucka had a heart beat. I considered staying in Saturday night because of it (well that and the fact that my liver need some recovery time) but I ended up meeting More-O up in HK for a few drinks. We headed to Posh towards the end of the night and I was having a great time–until someone made fun of the friend on my face. It’s funny how someone making fun of your biggest insecurity can be a buzzkill. Homeboy’s still alive and kickin‘ today but the heart beat has subsided. Thank God!

Did you guys hear about Sham-Wow guy?

Sham-POW! Homebody done beat up a prostie! Apparently she bit his tongue and wouldn’t let go so he punched her in the face until she did. Don’t you hate it when that happens? I hate Sham-Wow guy, but no one makes my ears bleed quite like this guy:


:::shudder::: Torture. Why does he feel the need to yell every time he’s on my television? Hate him. Look maybe my expectations are too high. I mean, after all, not every infomercial can be as amazing as this one.

Ah the Magic Bullet, you shall always have a special place in my heart.

Speaking of Special Places in my heart, Saturday More-O and I were chatting and were asked to come up with our top 5 favorite movies growing up. My list included:
“Troop Beverly Hills”

Or “Les Scouts de Beverly Hills” as I like to call it.
“Adventures in Babysitting”
Starring the INCOMPARABLE Anthony Rapp.
“Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead”
And I love how Joanna Cassidy gets top billing…
Muppets Take Manhattan”

And of course….
“Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit”

Like you had any doubt? God, I’m predictable.

HILARIOUS Gay Truth Booth March 27, 2009

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Might I say this is the best Gay Truth Booth we’ve had so far? Check it out here

And comment people!! The black girl get’s all the comments, show me some love. 😉

Real World New Orleans March 27, 2009

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As you all know, the Real World New Orleans is the best season EVAH. Thanks to Page Six over at Pop Wrap, I decided to look up videos on YouTube and I came across this one from a Mardi Gras episode. Basically playa David brought home a ho, left her friend downstairs, and hilarity ensued. Please to enjoy.

Okay, Okay…. March 26, 2009

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ALLRIGHT allready, SHEESH! It was a joke people.

Previously, I spoke ill of Daniel Gokey, from the hit television show American Idol. Well apparently I was too mean. No one said I was mean when I said Kristen Stewart’s face bugged me, why is that?! Ai Dios Mio people…a joke. I’m sure he smells like rainbows and sun and is surrounded by My Little Ponies and radiates sunshine and pukes Lemonheads and is so freakin’ awesome that he shoots Spiderman-like webs out of his wrists.


All I have to say is this: three years ago everyone loved a man named Taylor Hicks. And now? I’m just sayin.’ Don’t be surprised if you feel a little differently about Jokey Gokey in the near future.

There. Kris Allen shirtless. Okay? Can we go back to being friends now?

I Die. March 26, 2009

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D-I-E. Bananas. She looks AMAZING. And the song is fantastic too. Brian hearts Kelly Clarkson.

Your Face Bugs Me March 26, 2009

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Dear Danny Gokey,

Your face, among many other things, bugs me.

No, don’t you stick your tounge out at me, I stand by my choice. I choose my choice! I choose my choice! And you, my friend, suck. Your face bugs me. And you know what? I think you stink, too.


See? You smell it too, don’t you?! I’m just so sick of hearing about you and the hype. I mean, you’re really not that great. You shout pretty much everything. You’re annoying. Don’t get me started on how much you hit us over the head with the ‘dead wife’ thang. And I hate your glasses.


Nice goatee, is it 2002 again?

You look weird when you sing.

And don’t even get me started on the dancing.

You are simply perpetuating the sterotype that white guys can’t dance. Or was it jump? Wait. Oh nevermind. This whole thing that you did last night…
had me lunging towards the tv in anger. I hate cheesy shit like that. Even Adam and Allison are screaming in protest.
Gokey, look. You just need to admit it. You suck and I’m awesome. I’ll ask you one more time–who’s awesome?

Atta boy.
I realize this post may seem mean-spirited and let me assure you, it is. Gokey can suck it.

Happy Birthday To…. March 25, 2009

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SJP!!!!!!!

Curse You… March 25, 2009

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…Baked Lays for all the calories last night. I can’t believe you did that to me. Don’t you know I’m on a diet? You suck.
Y’know who else sucks?

This guy. Yeah, that’s right Cruz Beckham, I’m talkin’ to you. You wanna make somethin’ of it? What.