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Just ‘cuz May 29, 2009

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Prince Harry. Just ‘cuz.


Please note: Annette, I hope this is what your ginger baby grows up to look like. Fingers crossed!

Don’t Be Hatin’ May 29, 2009

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Big apologies to Spencer but….
…Taylor Swift looks a bit like an alien. And she sounds kinda like a bleating horse.
Look at me hatin’ on people’s faces today–what is wrong with me? I promise I’m a nice (ish) person! And I can TOTALLY be nice to people I don’t like! I can! For instance:
“My my Kate, you look lovely. I love your hair. I’m sure the porcupine in the corner is very jealous.”
Oh Ho!!! ZING!!! Okay….okay….sorry, that was a backhanded compliment, it’s true. But I know I can be nice.


“Oh, hey Cruz Beckham, what up? Look at you being all…short and small….and trying to be like your dad. I bet that’s fun, huh? I bet you like soccer, yeah? Aw, that’s sweet. Too bad you’ll never be as good as your father and you’ll never live up to his expectations!”

Eek, sorry. I got a little carried away. Tried to be nice but Cruz get’s my blood boiling. Let’s try another one.

Nope. I can’t even try to be nice. Pass.

Oh hey look–it’s Kristen Stewart, the “Twilight” girl!

“Hey there Kris. I like your um….your cross!! It’s a pretty cool cross! And um…your hair color isn’t that bad either!”

I’m being nice! Ah! Incredible!

“So yeah, Kristen, look at me being nice to you. It’s just too bad that I HATE YOUR FACE!”

Ooh….so close.

Hm. Williams. Blog-stealer. I can barely look at you much less be nice to you. For the sake of my reading audience, however, I will try to say something nice.

“I………er…….I……..like…….your…..tie.”

“Kinda.”

Well, I tried. I guess once a bitch, always a bitch!

An Open Letter… May 29, 2009

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Dear Jennifer Lopez,


EEEEEYYYYIKES! Look at that baby! That’s some fug up in here! How does that even happen, you’re gorgeous! But that baby…I mean….it’s like the spawn of a Latin Princess and Skeletor or something!

Oh. Whoops. Sorry. Didn’t realize that was your husband. Now I see where she get’s her resemblence. Look on the bright side of things though, Jen. While yes, you may have an ugly baby, at least she ain’t no Sadie Sandler.

Eeeeeeeyyyikkes!!! Now that is one….pretty girl. Ooh, do you know what would be fun? If we had a Pretty Party!!!!

Ah….now don’t you feel better? After seeing that baby surely you must feel a little bit better about your own, no? I thought so. So yeah, get to the point Brian. Basically I’m sorry that you have an ugly baby but look on the bright side–it could be worse.

xoxo,
Brian

PS. Loved you in “Wedding Planner.” “Monster-In-Law?” Not s’much.

Yup, I’d Still Hit It May 28, 2009

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Levi Johnston from the new issue of GQ.

Who’d hit it? Show of hands?

The Answers! May 28, 2009

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Thanks to everyone who took my “How well do you know me” quiz! There were definitely some hard questions on there but I was very impressed with most people. But some of you? Clearly you need to make more of an effort. 🙂 Here are the results, where did you fall? Scroll down for the answers.

1st Place
Doug – 86% (13/15)
Queentin – 86% (13/15)

2nd Place
Spencer – 80% (12/15)
Shannon – 80% (12/15)

3rd Place
Barb Bahr – 73% (11/15)
Annette – 73%
Melissa – 73%
Ramsey – 73%

Not too Shabby
Laurie – 66% (10/15)
Heidi – 66%

Pretty Good
More-O – 60% (9/15)
Endre – 60%
Cheryl – 60%

Eh…
Kristen – 53% (8/15)
Barb – 53%
Jamie – 53%

Well….
Emily – 46% (7/15)
Natalie – 46%
Brooke – 46%
Sarah – 46%

Needs some work
Jenny – 40% (6/15)
Jake – 40%
Maria Conchita Gonzalez – 40%
Conor – 40%
Guy – 40%

Clearly we could use some catching up
Lanny – 33% (5/15)
Holly – 33%
Jon -33%

Do you even know my last name?!?!
Amanda Profaizer – 26% (4/15)
Andy – 13% (2/15)

1. What state have I NEVER lived in?

2. What is the fake name I give to strange men at bars?

Hi there, Davis McBride, nice to meet you!

3. What Broadway star do I house-sit for?

Best friend!

4. When I was a kid, what did I want to be when I grew up?

Then I got a D in Physiology and realized I ain’t that smart

5. What is my favorite soda?

It has to be in a can and it has to be cold!

6. What was my favorite new TV show of the 2008/2009 season?

While I enjoy all of the nominees (save for the Mentalist) Rupaul’s Drag Race was the only show that I really really looked forward to watching each week. It was just so damn entertaining!

7. If I could eat one candy for the rest of my life I would eat…

Many people put Skittles and why I do enjoy Skittles, SPK takes the cake. Mmmm….cake….

8. Who do I hate, ‘just cuz?’

Ugh. I hate your face Kristen Stewart!


9. What recent film was I most disappointed in?

While I didn’t really love X-Men, I went into it knowing it got shitty reviews and that it was probably going to suck. And it did. As far as Star Trek is concerned, every one RAVED about it and it got great reviews. Despite the fact I’ve always made fun to Trekkies, I was excited for it, I was! It just didn’t quite live up to my expectations, hence why I was the most disappointed in it. And yes, I do realize I’m in the minority on this one.

10. What is my blog’s name?

Seriously–sleep with one eye open Brian Williams! Trying to steal ‘BriTunes,’ why I never….


11. What animal scares the shit out of me?

AAHHH!!!!!
12. How big are my feet?


You know what they say about guys with big feet…..


13. Which celebrity would I most like to be friends with?

Kristen!!! Call me!!!!


14. What do I have the hardest time with?


Anyone who knows me knows I’ve slept through my alarm MORE than a few times in my life…

15. Which of these do I NOT have a profile with?


Though not the most successful in love, I haven’t had to resort to Match.com…..yet. Eek!

And Away We Go May 28, 2009

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Last night, I was lucky enough to attend a screening of “Away We Go,” with Page Six.

For those of you who don’t know, “Away We Go” is the new movie from “Revolutionary Road” director (and husband of Kate Winslet) Sam Mendes. It stars John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph (yes, THAT Maya Rudolph) and has a supporting cast of Allison Janney, Jeff Daniels, Catherine O’Hara, and Maggie Gyllenhaal. Can I just tell you–O.M.G. This movie was amazing. No, scratch that, it was aMAHzing. Tender, BEAUTIFUL, insightful, funny, an awesome soundtrack…it was some good stuff. Biggest surprise?

Maya Rudolph can sorta kinda act! I don’t know that she’s going to go on gettin’ any Oscars or anything but I was pleasantly surprised with her performance. She gave an absolute realness to her character that it absolutely needed. She has always been one of my favorites on SNL so it was really nice to see her do something different.

Also fantastic?

Jim Halpert himself! While yes, much of John’s performance was very “Jim from the Office,” I think that’s just his acting style. He was cute, endearing, and completely charismatic on that screen.

The movie had an awesome supporting cast with some really great moments. Maggie Gyllenhaal played a HILARIOUSLY outrageous “cousin” of John Krasinski’s character.

And might I just say that she looked pretty fantastic in this movie as well.

Also amazing (as ALWAYS) was Catherine O’Hara as John’s mom.

Serious, there’s not much this woman can’t do. The same goes for Allison Janney’s character who was so completely over the top and outrageous, it was insane. I enjoyed every moment she was on screen.

This movie is a little bit “Garden State, Part 2” but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. It’s so heartwarming, heartbreaking, and sweet I encourage everyone, nay, I IMPLORE you to buy tickets when it is released next Friday. You’ll thank me for it.
Only a few hours left to get in your answers for the “How Well Do you Know Brian” quiz!! Answers will be posted this afternoon. I’m talking to YOU Amanda, Pat, and Kevin!

How Well Do You…. May 27, 2009

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Last night on Facebook I created a “How well do you know me?” quiz. What can I say, I was bored. I realized quick on that a few questions are a little hard…but that’s what makes it so fun! So take it and see how you do–I’ll post the answers later.
How Well Do you Know BriTunes?

1. What state have I never lived in?

a. Michigan
b. Ohio
c. Massachussetts
d. Utah
e. Connecticut

2. What is the fake name I give to strange men at bars?

a. Duke
b. Hunter
c. Adam
d. Finn
e. Davis

3. What Broadway star do I house-sit for?

a. Gavin Creel
b. Anthony Rapp
c. Lin-Manuel Miranda
d. John Tartaglia
e. Nathan Lane

4. When I was a kid, what did I want to be when I grew up?

a. Zookeeper
b. Writer
c. Director
d. Policeman
e. Singer

5. What is my favorite soda?

a. Diet Coke
b. Mountain Dew
c. Dr. Pepper
d. Coke
e. Sprite

6. What was my favorite new TV Show of the 2008/2009 TV season?

a. Privileged
b. Rupaul’s Drag Race
c. 90210
d. The Mentalist
e. Private Practice

7. If I could eat one candy for the rest of my life, I would eat:

a. Nerds
b. Sour Patch Kids
c. Starburst
d. Jelly Belly’s
e. Skittles

8. Who do I hate, ‘just cuz?’

a. Tori Spelling
b. Drew Carey
c. Kristen Stewart
d. Paris Hilton
e. Robert Pattinson

9. What recent film was I most disappointed in?

a. X-Men Origins: Wolverine
b. Star Trek
c. Angels and Demons
d. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
e. Terminator: Salvation

10. What is my blog’s name? (if you get this one wrong….)

a. Brian’s World
b. What would Brian do?
c. The world according to Brian
d. Britunes: Life on Shuffle
e. Chronicles of a Brian

11. What animal scares the shit out of me?

a. Lions
b. Sharks
c. Birds
d. Snakes
e. Anteaters

12. How big are my feet?

a. 11
b. 13
c. 12
d. 10
e. 9

13. Which celebrity would I most like to be friends with?

a. Kristen Bell
b. Jennie Garth
c. Alexis Bleidel
d. Perez Hilton
e. Lauren Conrad

14. What do I have the hardest time with?

a. Kids
b. Remembering people’s names
c. Going to the gym
d. Animals
e. Waking up on time

15. Which of these do I NOT have a profile with?

a. Facebook
b. MySpace
c. Friendster
d. Match.com
e. Twitter

Put your answers in the comments section and I’ll post the answers this afternoon!!

Holiday Weekend Recap May 26, 2009

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Welcome back to work, everyone. It’s good to be back in New York, but I definitely feel like I need a vacation from my vacation. This weekend, Spencer and I visited DC Doug and took in the sights of our nation’s capital:

Like this giant phallic wonder. By far my favorite monument.

Lots of fun was had, many drinks consumed, and is it just me or did it feel like I was just continuously eating the entire weekend? I’ll get to the details of the weekend in a moment but we HAVE to discuss this first:

Jon and Kate Plus 8: The Divorce Years!!! Omg, at first I thought I would miss the episode last night because I was staying w/ Spenc but luckily we caught it on the tele right before it started. And it was magical, oh so magical. By magical I mean depressing, bleak, and awkward. Did Jon really cheat? We don’t know but with Katezilla as your wife, wouldn’t you? The sextuplets turned 5 on last night’s episode and they were more adorable than they’ve ever been if you ask me.

When Colin’s balloon blew away and he started crying?

Aaaaaadorable. And then at the party when he kept calling the pinatas “tinadas”? Aaaaaadorable.

Alexis saying to Jon “I don’t want you to go away anymore.”

Well…heartbreaking. But Aaaaaaadorable all the same.

Now, it’s very clear to me that Joel is the gay one.

But I have to say, I’m very much enjoying him lately. I think he might be in my top three kids, right after Colin and Alexis.

I also couldn’t not post this picture of Aaden, Alexis, and Colin.

Aaaaaaaadorable.

And is it just me, or might fatty mcChunkerson Hannah grow up to be the pretty one?

I mean, she is definitely giving some face face face beauty face in this picture. You better work it bitch!

Definitely a great episode, full of juicy gossip and “he said/she said.” So what if it was a little “aawwwwkward.” Separate couches?


Aaaawwwwwwwkward. J + K are clearly headed toward that big D-I-V-O-R-C-E in the sky but here’s hoping that we’ll still keep the show going. If they had to split up the kids four and four, who would be your dream team?

So yes, DC, that happened. I promise to update with many more pictures when I get them (ahem, Spencer) but it’s impossible to capture the fun we had simply with pictures! After a HELLACIOUS bus ride down there (supposed to arrive at 5:45, didn’t get there until 8pm) Doug, Spencer, Page Six and I went to dinner and then out for a few drinks. Called it an early night after watching some of the Jon and Kate marathon. Seriously, those bitches were all over the place this weekend. After parting ways with Page Six, we met up with Queenton for a little bit of shopping in Georgetown. Met up with my friend Christie for some (MULTIPLE) afternoon drinks, ate some delicious Thai food, and then prepared for a night out. Queenton had suggested we attend Ziegfield’s Secrets, located on the wrong side of the tracks (literally) somewhere in DC. There are two parts to Ziegfields: The 5 hour drag show on the main floor and the…..strippers on the upper floor. Well might I just say….I never thought I would witness five tranny’s singing “Proud to Be an American.”

Yet…that happened. Queenton had told me the strippers wore “nothing but tube socks.” I took to this to mean that they had tube socks covering their junk. No….the tube socks were on their actual feet. I quickly came to discover that I am a prude and that the sight of dudes nekkid on go-go blocks makes me giggle uncontrollably. This text from Spencer pretty much sums up the rest of the night:

Ai Dios Mio…I’m sorry mom. Needless to say I was very well behaved and the worst thing that happened was a photo shoot outside of the bar at the end of the night

Tragic.

Sunday we dragged our hungover asses to brunch, and then decided to take in a mooovie. Seeing as I was the last person on the face of the earth to see “Star Trek,” we put on our nerd glasses and went to see that.

I’m sure that I’m going to make some enemies with this but I have to say….I didn’t really like it. I really can’t pinpoint exactly what I wasn’t a fan of. I was bored by a lot of it, confused my much of it, and just not very interested in many of the characters. I can totally see how, if you were a fan of Star Trek, you would love this movie but I think I’ll stick to being an X-Men nerd from now on. The one thing I am sure of, however?

Chris Pine is sooooo my new boyfriend. Charming, charismatic, hottie mc hot, he was fantastic as Captain Kirk. Mark my words, he’ll be a huge star after this movie.

After meeting up with Queenton again Sunday night, we were left to our own devices as DC Doug had a concert to attend. Not really knowing anything about DC, we decided to revisit Ziegfield’s. Why? I’m not really sure. It was a decidedly different scene than on Saturday night. Whereas Saturday it was packed, Sunday was definitely a different story. Take, for instance, the dance floor.

I kept saying to Q “That dance floor be cryin’, because it is SAD.” We closed down the bar, one of us left with the bartender (note: not me) and all was right in the world. After a rough, SICK night, we were back on the bus the following morning. All in all, a fantastic weekend. Thanks to DC Doug for letting us stay with him and for showing us such a great time in DC. Even though we didn’t go to the zoo……

To leave you, one final story. All weekend Queenton would do this “black girl growl.” Any time he saw a fierce black girl he would yell out this HORRIBLE noise…a mix between Arnie’s Chewbacca yell at the end of “Romeo and Juliet” and a noise you imagine the Loch Ness Monster would make. Well Q, I saw this picture this morning and immediately thought “Grrrowl.”

Please to enjoy.

Florida is in T-minus 10 days so the diet and detox starts TODAY!! I’m going to have a hot beach body if it kills me which, it probably will. Egg whites, chicken breast and broccoli, here I come!

Coincidence? May 21, 2009

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OMG, me too!!! I’ll see you there!

Anchors Away! May 21, 2009

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Who watched ‘Idol?’


Best moment of the season? Why, I think so! Watched it with the boys last night and we were all DYING!!

Congratulations to hottie mcIwannasee you naked Kris Allen for winning the whole damn shebang.

I’ll be juuuuust fine saying he’s my American Idol until next January! You know what else I’m fine with?

FLEET WEEK! Ahoy, matey!