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Somebody’s Getting Marrriieeeeeeeeed….. July 29, 2009

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Yes folks, I will be away for a few days as I attend my brother’s wedding in Colorado. That is….if I ever get there. Right now it’s pouring outside with thunder and lightening – a fact that I’m in LOVE with. I’ve got a shitload of work to do still, and only about fifteen minutes to do it in. So I’m feelin’ GREAT!

I blame it all on “Intervention.” I watched that shit all morning.

Talk to you in a few!

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I Love ya But…… July 28, 2009

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Wow.

Really Anna Paquin? Really? I don’t know whose teeth look worse – yours or the dolphins. Eeeeyyikes….Learn how to smile for the camera next time. Oh, and learn a Southern accent. Cause you screwed up Rogue’s like nothin’ else.

So-So day today. I leave tomorrow afternoon for little Brother’s wedding and on a scale from 1 to Ready I’m like a -14. It’ll all come together though – I’m an expert last minute packer. Still, I might want to get started on my speech, don’t I have to give one of those?

This past weekend was our friend Shawn’s Birthday at Lucky Strike lanes. You might remember Lucky Strike as the location for “Best Date Ever” with British Ben. Shawn’s party was awesome, complete with free bowling, booze, and hungry hungry homos attacking the appetizers. Hmm…that would make a good game….


Yeah, that picture worked out so much better in my head….

Speaking of pictures, we were sure to make our way into a bunch at the party. Or maybe that was just me. “Ooh, camera!”


Here I am with the birthday boy in an ADORABLE outfit and….new bowtie!!!!

More-O loves this picture. He wanted to make sure that I posted it.

I truthfully have no idea what Ben is doing here…covering up my drink for the camera? Interpretive dancing? No clue.


The gang. Love them!
Bowling was a blast and Lucky Strike really is an awesome place (if not a wee bit expensive).

And yes, that is Mean Girls playing in the background. So much fun!

That’s all I’ve got time for right now. Tying up a bunch of loose ends today. One gift before I go though…all of you “Glee” fans needs to head over to Popwrap.com RIGHT NOW for a little present from Page Six.

(hint) It’s a new music video!!

I Want My… July 27, 2009

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So while I hope you’re well aware of my love for Intervention’s Allison


“It’s Like I’m Walkin’ on Suuuuunshine!”

I’ve also discovered some wonderful characters while watching this show. One of my new faves is “I’m addicted to heroin and speed” Corrine’s grandma. However, she used one of my favorite phrases and I couldn’t help but say something about it.

Long story short, she was talking to her cracked out granddaughter and was saying how she missed the “old” her.


Cute, right? Loving those earrings. Then she had to go and say: “I miss my baby. Can I have her back? Can I have my baby back?” And my mind immediately went to:


I want my baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, I want my….Yes Corrine’s G-ma, you CAN have your baby back. Your baby back RIBS!!!!

I know, I know. Blame it on Monday. And if you guys wouldn’t mind giving me a heads up before you stage my own intervention, I’d like to be wearing a cute outfit.
And wouldn’t you know it – the commerical that Hulu showed while I was writing this post?


Chili’s. It’s like they’re reading my mind!!! Well them….or….


It’s Like I’m Walking on Sunshine!!!

(600) Posts of BriTunes July 27, 2009

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Post # 600! Woot Woot. It would have been more fitting if it was post 500 because….

I saw “500 Days of Summer” yesterday!! After a wild couple of days, I decided to take it easy with Page Six at the apt. Because he has a bomb ass job, we watched the five episodes of “Nurse Jackie” that haven’t aired, ending with the season finale. I’ve ranted and raved about this show before and let me tell you – the end of the season does not disappoint. What does disappoint, however, is that I haven’t seen “True Blood” yet because my cable was on the fritz that night…but that’s neither here nor there, back to 500 Days!


This movie wrecked me. But not in the way you might think. Sure, the movie itself was great and I really appreciated how it was a love story but not the classic love story that we’re all so used to. It really was the realest story about love I’ve seen in quite some time and actually reminded me a lot of the relationship I had with Kelly back in the day. But no, the story was what it was. What wrecked the movie for me was

Tom. Oh Tom. Tom Tom Tom. While I found him to be adorable, Tom wrecked me because his was basically my perfect guy. Intellectually, emotionally, he was just it for me. Of course, now I’m going to spend the rest of my life searching for my ‘Tom’ which is gonna mess with my head and probably never come to fruition. And Lord help me if I ever meet Joseph Gordon-Levitt because I’ll be ALL OVER that boy thinking he’s Tom. Le sigh. Anyway, good movie, go see it, blah blah blah but always remember that Tom is MINE.

Remember last week we had a conversation about monsters? You know you remember, we talked about this guy

Anyway. After a repeat performance on Friday (during which Dom and More-O tried, unsuccessfully, to kill the motha trucka and basically just angered the thing) he reappeared last night during my 5th hour of “Six Feet Under.” We faced off yet one more time and this time, mwa ha ha….I came out victorious!!! Of course, I couldn’t do this alone. It’d like to thank

The Watchmen graphic novel for its help in my defeating the evil monster that tormented me in the night. Your movie may have sucked my friend, but after last night you’ll always be a winner to me.

I’ve got dodgeball tonight, a b-day tomorrow night, and then Wednesday afternoon I hop on a train to Colorado for Pat’s wedding. Not at all prepared, in any sense of the word, but that’s what plane rides and alcohol are for!! Enjoy your Manic Monday everyone.

Feelin’ Woozy July 24, 2009

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Ugh, the only thing getting me through this day is

A) The fact that it’s Friday.
B) Jordin Sparks’ new album
C) The fact that no one’s really in the office therefore no one is harassing me
D) Did I mention that it’s Friday and I’m excited about that?

Had a work party last night with everyone from my office and let me tell you – bankers can drink! It was super fun though and I’m okay with the fact that I’m tooooottally feeling it today.

Yesterday I had a post about monsters. Well, another monster was found out and about yesterday in LA.

Nemesis. He sure is getting big, isn’t he? Look at those teeth though! Sers Cruz, get thee to a dentist pronto. You little brat.

I read this blog called “Asleep on the Subway” and it frequesntly makes me laugh. I saw one this morning that had me laughing out loud…LOL’ing, if you will.

The caption below it said “It’s okay, the one in the pink is the mother.” Ugh. It’s everything I can do to not fall asleep at my desk. Page Six was upset that Michael Aussiello from Ew.com (or Assiello as I like to call him) got to interview Kristen Bell for Comic-Con so I made him a little something. J, my gift to you.


It’s like you’ve known each other for years.

I think I’m going to stumble down and get something to eat. All I want is a burger but this damn diet won’t allow it. Of course…everyone needs one cheat day……

Random Hangover Thought July 24, 2009

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Dear Kristen Stewart,

I hate your face.

Taylor? I don’t hate your face.

Rob? Meh.

That’s all. Still hatin’ Kristen Stewart’s face. Bye.

Monster Mash July 23, 2009

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There are many kinds of monsters in this world. Some scarier than others. For instance, there’s the Loch Ness Monster…

the Montauk Monster…
(seriously, what the hell IS THAT THING?)

Cookie Monster…

And Monster Trucks.


Then, there’s the monster that assaulted me at 1:15 in the morning yesterday.


AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! GIANT ASS MOTHER-F’IN COCKROACH!!!

First of all, A. Rapp has been in movies with Russell Crowe, Rosario Dawson, Matthew McConaughay, um…….Tom Green? So yes, his apartment should NOT have roaches in it, I don’t care if he lives in NY and they’re everywhere. No excuse. Second of all, this cockroach was HUGE! I mean, EPIC proportions!


It looked right at me and it was all “step off, bitch.” So of course, since I’m a woman, I didn’t go up to it and squish it. I stepped the hell off!! I took some cleaner that was in the bathroom and started shooting it at the bug. Well wouldn’t you know, it was some kind of ‘all natural cleaner’ shit. Didn’t do anything. Then I found some air freshener. Again, impervious to all of my attacks. Ran into the kitchen and got some Lysol cleaner and started pelting the roach with squirts. It was like, shaking but still running and then it ran behind the tub and was gone. If Lysol won’t kill it, what will?!! I may or may not have slept with one eye open.

So basically what I’m saying is….

…if you happen to see the GIANT ASS cockroach that is currently living in Anthony’s house and HARASSING me, please do me a solid and kill it for me. ‘Cause the “crunch” sound reeeeally creeps me out.

Kthxbyeeeeee.

Oh What a Night… July 22, 2009

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Happy Hump Day everyone. What? It’s noon already? Where the hell has the day gone? I guess it’s a good thing that the day went fast, especially since it’s SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE night!


I’m actually a little scared for tomorrow night because the 8 people left are kind of all amazing. We have my favorite boys – Jason and Brandon, and my girls – Jeanine and Kayla, but Melissa, Ade, Evan, and Jeanette are all awesome. Truthfully I don’t want any of them going home, but if I had to guess, I’d say Melissa and Evan (or Ade) are going home.

Last night I met up with More-O, Diego, Ben, Dom, and Stevie for a screening of Katherine Heigel’s new movie, “The Ugly Truth.”

Truthfully, I wasn’t even that looking forward to seeing it because the previews looked AWFUL. I have to say though, the movie was actually really great. Maybe it was because my expectations were so low, but I laughed a LOT. Katherine Heigel’s awesome in it, Gerard Butler’s really good (even though his accent was in and out the entire movie) and the supporting cast is also really good. So many funny moments and I may or may not have shed a tear – what can I say? I’m a sucker for love.

After the movie I went to Whole Foods and got some dinner and on the way home I was talking to my sister about NYC Prep on the phone. While walking, I happened to pass “The Hills” stars Holly Montag (Heidi’s sister) and Stephanie Pratt (Spencer’s sister).

Melissa didn’t believe that I passed them, so I went back and asked them to say hi to my sister. Holly was actually EXCEPTIONALLY nice and cute, Stephanie pretended to not hear me and seemed drunk. Bitch. So Melissa and Holly are talking about how Holly didn’t know what “NYC Prep” was and Stephanie goes “NYC Prep, those kids are out of control.” To which I said “This coming from Stephanie Pratt?!” I’m such a smart ass but that girl has NO room to talk. Best part about the story? Melissa had Crest whitening strips on the entire time AND her phone died in the middle of talking to Stephanie. Classic. Kind of a cool moment, and I definitely win the “brother of the year” award.

After I got home and enjoyed my salad, I watched “Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood” in bed.


I kiiiiiiiinda love that show – they’re surprisingly charming. Anyway, the big thing for this episode was that Tori was organizing her gay best friends’ commitment ceremony. At the end when the actual ceremony happened? This was me:


Omg, I was a mess. Between the sweetness of the ceremony, the thought of my brother getting married next week, and then the realization of how I’m going to die alone….hoo boy! Cry Me a River! Who knew Tori and Dean had it in them? Actually, what am I saying? I’m not going to die alone…I’ve got

PC. 🙂

One last thing before I go. I kinda hate this one girl from American Idol. I was never a huge fan of her ‘cutesy’ act and her ‘oh I’m a virgin I’m so pure I’m going to wear this purity ring and show you how pure I am’ schtic. But I listened to her new album….and….


It’s love. SERIOUSLY, ya’ll! It’s SO GOOD. It’s one of those “listen from start to finish” albums. Very poppy, very dance-y, s’good stuff. Speaking of good stuff…..Michelle Obama? The haircut?


Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiierce.

Tuesday Tunes July 21, 2009

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I’ve been toying with the idea of having a “Tuesday Tunes” and introducing the BriTunes readers to what music I’m loving at that moment but it never really came to fruition. Well, with the release of Mika’s new single “We Are Golden” I finally decided that it was too good to keep to myself. If you don’t know Mika, you NEED to. His first cd “Life in Cartoon Motion”

was like, the soundtrack of my life back in 2007 when I moved from Utah to Ohio. I’m sure everyone has heard the song “Grace Kelly” but there are so many other great gems from this album, including “Lollipop,” “Love Today,” and “Happy Ending.” “Happy Ending” actually kills me – such a gorgeous song. So far you can check out “We Are Golden” at Perez here or on Mika’s website here. Such great stuff!

In other Tuesday Tunes news, the latest VH1 Divas roster has been released.

Miley, Kelly, Adele, Leona Lewis……f’real? I mean, I like all of them (LOVE me some Kelly and Adele) but when I think of “Diva’s” their names don’t really come to mind. Whatever happened to Whitney, Cher, and Celine? Now THOSE are some Diva’s. I can see how VH1 is trying to get some 2009 Diva’s but truthfully I’m not sure that they exist. Do you think they got it right casting Kelly, etc. or are there other modern “Divas” you’d like to see?

Spring Break Long Island Part 2: The Duel July 20, 2009

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Ah, Spring Break Long Island.


Another year come and gone, another fun time had, another 5 pounds added. I sure do love my girls and I sure do love coming back with a little more sun, with a little more damage to my liver, and with a little less dignity than I had Friday.

It’s always so hard to capture the amount of fun that we had in a simple blog post but I feel like it’s important that the story of Spring Break is out there. I think the tales need to be told so that our children, and our children’s children, and our children’s children’s children will know of the wonder that is Spring Break Long Island.
Friday after work, Page Six, Spencer, Rachel, Yasi, Dara, and Kalmus and I braved the crowds at Penn Station and boarded a magical train known as the “Long Island Rail Road.” It was this majestic mighty giant that would take us to…Spring Break. Upon this train Yasi introduced us to a fantastic thing called “Planet Smoothie” – also known as “Plant in a Cup.” Seriously ya’ll. That shit was nasty. Unfortunately, Rachel had a wedding Saturday night so she was only able to be with us for Friday. As it was though, we made sure to make the most of our time with her, while she made sure to memorize the LIRR train schedule. For sers. She studied that thing for like an hour.

I’m not sure if one can grasp the magnitude and the beauty that is the SPLI house.


Ne’er before has a more perfect setting for fun been fully realized and ne’er again will one match the brilliance of this house.

Ne’er. Just wanted to say ‘ne’er’ again. Please take time to notice the beer pong table. Because oh yes, that happened.

Our view from the yard. Please take a moment to be jealous of the fact that we were able to stare at this all weekend. I’ll give you some time.

Okay. Moving on.

Upon arrival at the Spring Break house, we were joined by Kaka Kido, Bridget, Andrea, and Polous. Also, Kristina’s AMAZING parents Elaine and Perry were there.


So gracious, so nice, and SO MUCH FUN! We popped a few bottles of wine, had some pizza, and started playing American Idol karaoke. Despite the fact that my team lost, would you be surprised if I told you that I was the only one to receive a perfect score? Aw yeah, that’s right. There were some awesome group numbers


and some awesome back-up dancers.



Yes, that is me chowing away at the bottom of that picture. Due to the fact that I was Spring Break dieting the week prior, I took every opportunity I could to gain some weight. I also enjoyed everything guilt free.

Well, almost guilt free.

Spencer found himself some new friends


also known as Chester and Coco. They were adooooooorable. And I really do hope that’s not my piece of pizza I put on the table so I could take the picture…..oh Brian….

After a night of trying to pee in the closet and passing out on the bathroom floor (oh Brian…) we were up bright and early for breakfast and to make the dips and various meals of the day.

Yeah, I don’t really ‘make things’ but Katie and Page Six do!! I also happen to LOVE this picture.

After the adventures in the kitchen, we all threw on our bathing suits and started to lay out.


And LAY OUT we did. F’reals. I’m a lobster. There was all kinds of eye candy though.


Bathing beauties as far as the eye could see.


It was such a nice day out. We couldn’t have asked for better weather! Some of us took the opportunity to catch up on our sleep while others caught up on their reading.


I’m sure Kalmus is reading some intellectual book, while Spencer took the manly route and read Kristen Chenowith’s autobiography. Okay…I’m make fun…but I’m the one who actually asked Page Six to bring the book so maybe I should just….move on….

Before too long it was time to say goodbye to Rachel….


Sad face. However, with the departure of Rachel came the arrival of….

BOYS!


Straight boys, but still….boys! Straight boys of all shapes and sizes for us to flirt with from afar and envision futures with all the while never speaking a word to them. Yes, I’m talking to you Grey shirt Greek boy. I miss you still. In addition to the boys came the boyfriends, like

Matty Brand


and Dr. Nick.


Matt brought with him a wonderful game known as “Lawn Ball.” I’m not even exaggerating when I tell you that this game kept us entertained for HOURS.

Long, long into the sunset….(so classy Matt)


and long into the night…..


That game saw more action than anyone in that house! Well, most anyone, but we’ll get to that in a bit. Despite it being a very easy concept, for the life of me I couldn’t figure out how the scoring works. I’m a simple minded man, what can I say?

As with any Spring Break, once the sun set



the drinks really started to flow and things were gettinCARAZY ya’ll!

The Costume changes happened


The fedoras started coming out


The photo ops happened



The drunk games were started

(You put Roofies in a suitcase?!?!)

And I started to get reeeeeeally gay.




“Brian, chill.” “Brian, put down the ceramic Santa.” “Brian!!” I don’t really remember what Yasi and I were doing, but it’s very possible I was pretending Yasi was a certain someone in the background.

Yes, when the sun sets the love affairs begin.


Oh Dave Turner, the things you do to me. I would let you cheat on me, absolutely. If only it meant that, for one day, I’d be your only woman. One day my love, one day.

Now there were a certain number of people that were using the hot tub and deck for things other than relaxing but I’m not going to point it out or make a big deal out of it.


I’m also not going to name names.


They know who they are and they know what they did and they’re going to have to live with that. But really, I don’t see nothin‘ wrong with a little bump and grind. It is Spring Break, after all! I’m just jealous….

Sunday morning we woke up to yet another gorgeous day and most of us remembered what had happened the night before.


And by ‘most of us’ I mean everyone but Andrea.

We had a good portion of the day to lay out so we applied the sunscreen and kept on with our day. I had gotten extremely crispy the day before so I made sure to apply, apply, and apply. While going through the album from Sunday, I came across this uncomfortable sequence of pictures.




Uh…….WTF? Apparently I apply sunscreen like a 1950’s pin-up model. Awkward Brian, so awkward.

All good things must come to an end so after one more meal

one more group picture


(WTF is up with me standing like that today!?!!! Jeez!!!)

and one more funny story


(the well at Spring Break Long Island doesn’t produce water – it produces booze! Mwa ha ha)

it was time to hop on the Magical LIRR


and limp back to the city. We had such a fun time this year, and can’t thank Kristina enough for her hosting yet another successful Spring Break Long Island!!!
Oh, and one more thing. Because he’s such a good friend, Page Six made me a screensaver for my computer that I think I’m going to enjoy….


Sigh….Dave Turner. You know, I have no doubt that he’s straight. However, he’s going to back to Grad School in the fall…..and they do say that ‘College is the time for experimentation.” Hm….Spring Break 3: Return of the Jedi, anyone?