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Va Va Va VOOM September 30, 2009

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An open letter:

Dear Alanis,

DAYUM, girl!!! Look at you! “You Oughta Know” that you look absolutely “Perfect!” I am flipping “Head Over Feet” up in hurr. I can’t believe how sexy and skinny you are – I mean, I can practically see “Right Through You!” You know, there was “That Particular Time” when I would “Flinch” at every picture I saw of you. You done look busted and bloated. Really, you were “So Unsexy.” “All I Really Want”ed was for you to realize your true hot potential and “I Was Hoping” that you’d dig “Underneath” and come out on top. And just look at you now. “You Learn”ed that a little hair, a little makeup, and a little leather go a long way. Seriously – LOOK at those pictures!! They make the “Knees of My Bees” weak and also make me kinda hot. I need to put one “Hand in My Pocket” otherwise “Everything” will show ifyouknowwhati’msayin. So “Thank U” for putting a little effort in, all is “Forgiven” for this phase:

Isn’t it “Ironic” that as you get older you get hotter? Really, an example we all can learn from. I can now wash my “Hands Clean” from trying to “Offer” you a trip to Celebrity Fit Club!! Anyway, call me when you “Wake Up” from your nap on “The Couch.” I’d love to hang out and listen to old “Tapes” together like we had planned – that is, if I’m not “Uninvited.”



And in other news…..

Ding Dong the Biel is dead!! JT and Jessica broke up! Rumor has it he’s dating Rhianna! Good things all around!


Tick Tock… September 30, 2009

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Give me a second, and BriTunes will be up and back to normal. I had a really shitty day yesterday and didn’t feel like blogging and then work just blew up and I didn’t have any time. This morning isn’t looking any better but I just wanted to holla atcha and let you know to be patient and in time I’ll be back to my cheerful self. But until then….

You’re Welcome

Roller Coaster…of Love. September 28, 2009

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This is how my day started.

I come out of the shower, only to be greeted by this MONSTER. I mean, God, I don’t even know what the hell that is. All I know is that it had a million trillion legs, large antennae, and was moving up my wall at an alarming rate. Terrifying. After squealing for a bit, and grabbing my phone to document the ENORMITY of this insect, I hit it with my shoe. Dropped the shoe, and the carcass came flying at me. I jumped back, fell off my bed and crashed into my dresser, knocking things everywhere. Somewhere in that I twisted my neck weird and also lost the body somewhere in my bed. Found it (although I seriously debated waiting until Page Six got home so he could take care of it) and picked it up with about four pounds of toilet paper just in case it rose from the dead and learned how to eat through toilet paper. Frickin’ horrendous experience.

Weekend was great, if not terribly busy. Went to a party in Brooklyn Friday night, party in Brooklyn Saturday night (after Kalmas’ housewarming) and then Sunday went to Ben’s clothes swap and watched TV with Dom and More-O. Saturday during the day, however, I went to……

Six Flags!!!!

My friend Vanessa has a Ford Focus for the summer (part of some promotion they’re doing) and so me, Vanessa and her girlfriend, Dom, and More-O all squished into her car and headed to Jersey.
Upon entering the park, we ran into yet another terrifying creature.

I don’t know how anyone finds that Old Man anything but creepy.

I was incredibly hungover the first three hours or so I wasn’t in a picture taking mood but…

Why yes I am, thank you for asking.

That’s not a zoom, I done be CLOSE to that tiger. They randomly had an area in the middle of the park with a couple of white tigers and there was only a pane of glass separating the two of you. It was absolutely amazing. I could have stayed there all day but More-O made me move on.

We took pictures with pumpkins. It was fun.

Due to time restraints, we were only there for about four hours but we managed to ride almost all of the big rides. I have to tell you, there were a few times there I was actually scared for my life. Some of that shit done be SCARY, yo!!!

Yesterday Benji had his bi-annual clothes swap. Everyone brought clothes they didn’t want anymore and for each item you got “points.” Then you bid on other people’s stuff and if there was a tie in points people would either concede or there would be a walk-off. Very fun, very gay. I came away with some great treasures (including a real live Burberry scarf that I had to fight for) but there wasn’t anything quite as amazing as this.

Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiierce. I WILL find an occasion to wear this tank top, mark my words.

Pretty much just counting down the hours today. I have meetings up the wahoo to schedule but with my neck feeling the way it does I kind of just want to curl up on the couch and take a nap. I hope that all my Jewish friends have a happy Yom Kippur!

I’m just thankful for the holiday because my main boss is out of the office today. Shalom!!

Oh, and Khloe?

No one cares.
Happy Monday!!

Hey Neve Campbell, How You Doin? September 25, 2009

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Sometimes I’m really fancy.
Last night I went with More-O and Benji to a couple of benefits – one was an HIV vaccine fundraiser and the other was for the Human Rights March on October 11th. All those words basically mean 1 thing, 2 words….

We had fun, got to see some fun people and support a good cause and blah blah blah. At the second benefit though, Alan Cumming

walked through the doors. Not a big deal really, Alan Cumming comes to anything you invite him to. More exciting, however, was who he had in tow behind him.

Oh hey Neve Campbell, how you doin’? Dude! Friggin NEVE CAMPBELL! Do you remember when she was the shit back in the day? Party of Five, Scream, Wild Things….she’s awesome. My friends Nick and Eric went to meet her, but I didn’t want to bug her. I should have though, because it was announced today that she’ll join the cast of the upcoming “Scream 4!”

Which…apparently came out in 2008? Anyway, exciting exciting.

Should be a fun weekend. Going to Six Flags tomorrow with More-O and some lesbians, birthday parties, housewarming parties, clothing swaps Oh My!

Friday WTF September 25, 2009

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Dear Hulu Advertising….


DOTD September 24, 2009

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DOTD doesn’t stand for Dad of the Day….

It’s Douche of the Day. Seriously Jon – WTF?

Glee-Cap September 24, 2009

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OMGlee, how great was last night’s episode? I don’t mean to Gleek out about it but I can’t help it. Wow. How many “Glee” jokes can I do? “You’re so Glay.” Nope, that one doesn’t work….”Oh say, can you Glee…” MUCH BETTER. Anyway, some favorite moments from last night.

#1. If You Like It….

How many times have I done this type of thing in my basement? Not sure it can be counted….
#2. Terry’s Sister
SO trashtastic. Love her.
Terry: Can you make me a BLT?
Deb: Me too! But hold the tomato. And the lettuce!
#3. Sue’s Corner
” To those who say that caning won’t work, all I have to say is: YES. WE. CANE. And that’s how Sue, C’s it.”

#4. Tonight, Tonight

Mercedes: “Hold up. I’m a JET?”

#5. …then ya shoulda…

Kurt: “Hi my name is Kurt Hummel and I’ll be auditoning for the role of ‘kicker.'” Aw, Kurt’s joining the football team to make his dad proud of him. I did the same thing! I was considerably less talented than Kurt though and didn’t have Beyonce around to help me.

#6. Valley of the…?

Sue: “Well this is all lovely and normal…”

#7. Four Words

Liza. Minnelli. Celine. Dion.

#8. What Do you Say?

To taking channnncess!!!

#9. T-T-T Tina

Was nice to see Tina C have a little solo time last night.

#10. Tear.

HOW cute was this moment between Finn and Mr. Shuster? Really shows how Will is starting to become a father figure for Finn. Adorable.

#11. Dramz

Quinn: “I slept with you because you got me drunk on wine coolers and I was feeling fat that day.”

#12. ….put a ring on it.

When I was little, my dad and brother and I used to play football in the front yard. My dad would always make the plays and then we would “execute” them. He would always let me make up a play and I would go out, do a few ballet moves to “distract” the other team, then he’d throw it to me. It never worked. But I happen to think that Glee stole the idea for the football team dance from me.

#13. I’m Coming Out

How tender was this moment?
Kurt: “I’m gay.
Dad: I know.
Kurt: You do?
Dad: I’ve known since you were 3. For your birthday you asked for a pair of sensible heels.”

#14. Quinn

How great was Quinn in this episode? I think I might end up reeeeeally liking this character.
So there we go. Another great episode of Glee. And as I sat at working re-watching it, jumping from site to site, email to meeting planner, to phone call to Facebook, I noticed an add pop up on a Glee preview video I was watching on Perez.

Why yes I just very might have ADHD, thank you for asking. See Melissa–it’s more than just a childhood disorder!!!

Is it next Wednesday yet?

Awesome, Oh Wow, Like Totally Freak Me Out September 23, 2009

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This just in….

Bring It On…..will be made….into a BROADWAY MUSICAL.
First of all, this is a fantastic idea. And secondly, the team that they have assembled has made me even more excited. The guy who wrote the book to “Avenue Q,” the guys who wrote the music for “Next to Normal” and “In the Heights” and the choreographer from “In the Heights” and “9 to 5” are working on it.

Bring It On has a very fond place in my heart and I will never forget the first time I saw it. I was living in Logan, Utah and going to school and starring in my first production at Utah State.

There was a Saturday rehearsal and afterwards the entire cast decided to go see a movie and we chose Bring It On. So if you can, imagine about 25 theater kids sitting in a movie theater making fun of the movie and you have one of the best times I’ve ever had. The inside jokes that we had after that carried on and found their way into my entire Sophomore year. Sigh….good times. Who else remembers going to that movie? Annette? Amanda? Cris?

This day sucks and I can’t wait to get home on my couch and watch Glee. The only good part of my day?

Catching up with a long lost friend….

Just Like a Tattoo September 23, 2009

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Let me preface this by saying that I don’t hate tattoos. Many of my friends have them and they’re in places that I’m perfectly fine with. However, this morning on the train it was far too early and there were far too many people and I saw a woman with just the UGLIEST tattoo ever. I was literally offended by it.

The Top 5 Places on Your Body a Tattoo Does NOT Belong

#5. Ring Tattoos

Chances are you’re going to break up anyway so don’t get a ring tattoo and definitely don’t get a ring tattoo with that person’s name. Unless it’s my name. You hear me Levi?! Yeah, I’d hit it.

#4. The arm band/barbed wire Tattoo

Your guns aren’t that impressive, it’s not 1994 and you’re not Pamela Anderson starring in a movie called “Barb Wire.” All in all, not a good idea. A little too douche-tastic for my tastes.

#3. This

My main point of disgust is the front of the neck tattoo but…what’s the saying? “Too many accessories clutter an outfit?” Same goes for tats.

#2. The Ankle Tattoo

Listen Kate Gosselin, you’re not going to be 18 forever and a tattoo on your ankle isn’t exactly approp for someone with 8 kids. So next time reconsider that rose or that cross or that Tweety bird or whatever.

#1. Tramp Stamps….on guys

While I’m not a huge tramp stamp fan in general, for whatever reason when guys have them it ups my dislike a notch. I know people who have very lovely tramp stamps but on a guy? That shit ain’t right. I don’t care how much that symbol means to you, just say no.

I very much like tattoos on the wrist, neck, behind the ear, back, whatever. But for some places, it’s just better to go bare than put a tattoo there.

Oh What a World We Live In September 22, 2009

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New York, New York, it’s a helluva town. Happy 2 Year Anniversary to me!