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Things That Make You Go ‘Blarg’ February 26, 2010

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Well, it’s snowing again. 

12:51 pm today looks just like 12:51 pm yesterday – WHITE.  Wait – is that snow or just Connecticut?  Badump bump.  My stank ass is at the office because well…business still happens when it’s snowing out.  Of course, none of my quad mates are here because they live in the “suburbs” or have “12 feet of snow” or some bullshit like that.  I dunno, I don’t pay attention to why they’re not here, I just know that I’m the one covering all of the bankers and all of the phones.  Whatevs.  It’s a ‘blarg’ day all around.  Starting with….

Do I read Perez’s site every single day?  Absolutely.  Do I think he’s a vile human being?  Absolutely.  Will I stop watching American Idol if he becomes a judge?  Absolutely.  And do I not want him on my Top Model?  ABSO FRAKKIN LUTELY .   Whhyyyyyyyyyyy?  Why does Perez have to inflitrate the one thing I love?  And whyyyyy is he on a show about models when he’s a fat disgusting pig that knows nothing about fashion?!?!  Blarg.

Last night was the first elimination night on Idol.  I’m in a pool with Laurie and her work and I was reeeeeeally confident about this one chick going home last night that I put all of my points on awful awful Lacey Brown, or whatever he name is.

And when the top 4 going home were revealed?? (SPOILER)

No LACEY.  Which means no points for Brian this first week.  Blarg.

Michael Kors, on a beach.

BLARG!!!!!  What in God’s name IS that thing?  Is that a cocktail olive trying to escape??!  Eeeeeeeyikes!!!

More from me later.  I’m heading to the gym in an attempt to ‘de-blarg’ my day.

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Good Idea/Bad Idea? February 25, 2010

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Some thoughts for the day:

“The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3” is the tale of a bad guy taking hostake of a Subway line.  Or so I think….I actually haven’t seen the thing becuase it stars John Travolta and I have a strict non-Revolta rule but anyway…I was on the train the other day and I looked up and saw a movie poster –

For…. “The Taking of Pelham 1,2,3.”  I mean…good idea or bad idea people?  To have a poster for a movie in which a subway is taken hostage….on a subway?  Cue to me shaking my head.

Reese Witherspoon is a whore.

First Ryan.  Then Jake.  And now this guy?  Whore.

I’m still watching The Real World.  Is anyone else?  Anyway, this grease-ball….

gives men a bad name.  Letting his girlfriend come and then hooking up with another girl right after she leaves?  You nasty unknown jerk!

Clearly I got nothin’ today for you guys.  It’s snowing like crazy, I miss More-O, I’m on day 9 of not eating candy, and I need a big ol’ nap.  Thrilling, eh?

Sad in a Box February 25, 2010

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What sound would Angelina from “Jersey Shore,” Danielle from “Real Housewives of Jersey,” and Dina Lohan make when combined together on one couch?

“WAH WAHHHHH”

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the face of saddness.  Realize and Recognize, mah peeps.

Lookalike February 24, 2010

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I’m just sayin’……

Talk to the Hand February 24, 2010

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Last night was the first live American Idol episode of the season and it deserves one big ‘wah wahhhh.’   I wasn’t really impressed with most of the girls and there was a whoooole lot of ‘pitchy’ going on.  In addition to wrong song choices, bad outfits and notes, and lack of star power, there was an excess of……HANDS!!!!

(Young Hand)

(Blonde Hand)

(Black Hand)

(Glass Blower Hand)

(Fallin’ Hand)

(Going Home Hand)

(Neck Hand)

(Eva Longoria Hand)

(Who? Hand)

Interestingly enough, there were three people who didn’t do the hand at all during their performances (trust me, I looked) and maybe it’s because they were all playing guitar….(a mere technicality) but I prefer to think it’s because two of those three are AMAZING.  My favorites – Meth Teeth

and Lispy Teeth

Crystal and Haley are my top two – I love them so.  They’re no Angela Martin, but they rock pretty hard.  Crystal DARED to sing Alanis’s “Hand in My Pocket” and while I thought vocally she was spot on, she messed up the words (unbeknownst to anyone but me…and Alanis) and I also wasn’t a fan of the  way they cut the song together. 

There are some people out there hatin’ on Haley saying that her upper notes were nasty but in watching all the performances back, Haley was one of the ONLY chicks who had every note be practically spot on.  Maybe the people who think Haley sucked are tone deaf, did you ever think about that Page Six?  I mean….um….did you ever think about that, random people I have no association with? 

Then we have the third ‘no hands’ girl.

AHHHHHHHH!!!  GHOST!!!!!!!!

Oh wait….that’s just Lilly Scott.  Why was I not surprised to hear she lived in her car?  She sucks.  Her voice is fine…but she sucks.

Last night during Idol there was a commercial for the NAACP awards, during which they will be honoring…..Wyclef Jean.  I swear, Haiti was the best thing to Wyclef’s career.

My Day So Far… February 24, 2010

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And how are you?

The Many Faces of Crazy February 23, 2010

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Those who know me know I love trashy reality shows.  And the classiest trashiest one of them all is, The Bachelor.  I’ve been watching it for a few years now – Matt, Jason, Jillian, that whore Deanna, and now Jake. 

 
Oh Jake…why did anyone think picking you was a good idea?  Why does this show still exist?  And why am I still watching it?

Yeah, I don’t know either random girl #4.  The fact of the matter is, this season has been a giant snooze-fest.  The girls are awful and the only one that SHOULD have won left for her job!  Jake is a bore and doesn’t deserve to have those amazing abs, and the whole season just get’s a giant thumbs down.

“The Women Tell All” special was on last night, however, and it provided some amazing levels of crazy.

(CRAZY ASS BITCH!!)

It also bugs me when they cry at watching themselves on screen.  Dude.  It was months ago.  You’ve already seen it at home.  The moment has passed.  Crying on camera is NOT automatically going to make you the next Bachelorette, so get over it.  Nice try though, Ali.

They also had some past crazy Bachelor and Bachelorette contestants back to show us how they do “charity” work ALLLLL the time, and not just when the cameras around!!  They included:

Crazy # 1

Crazy #2

Crazy #3 (Deanna “devil” Pappadickalous) chasing a little boy with a rose

And crazy #4 (crazy for not marrying me!) Matt Grant who is THE sexiest Bachelor EVER!!!

My favorite crazy of the night, however, was brought by Rozyln, who was kicked off the show for having a “friendship” with a producer.  And by friendship I mean everyone thinks she rode his disco stick.

Oh Rozlyn, you made the whole two hours I wasted my life on this show worth it with your sassy faces and your fighting with Chris Harrison!  Atta girl!  Doesn’t she kind of look like Kendra from the Girls Next Door? (insert annoying Kendra laugh here).

Bachelor, I think I’m breaking up with you.  You waste too much of my time.  So “F” you, and “F” you!!!

Yeah, I’m bluffing.  Ya’ll know I’ll be back next season.

Ooh Daddy February 23, 2010

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Feel free to hate on me haters but….

Matt LeBlanc, Silver Fox?

YES PLEASE. 

Matthew Perry, who?  David Schwimmer, who?

YUM.

That’s all.

DIBS!!! February 22, 2010

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I call dibs!!!

Ya’ll don’t even understand…for the first time in over a decade….RYAN PHILLIPPE is single!!!!!

Well all know I loves me some Jakey-poo.  Aaron Tveit?  Yes please.  Zefron?  Any day.  But Ryan was the original.  I mean, “Cruel Intentions” anyone?  Helllooooooo?!

I mean, that was only the beginning.  The man continued to get hotter and hotter (even if his movies did get worse and worse).

Ahhh….now THAT’S what I call a Monday morning treat!!

I Want to Like Jennifer Love Hewitt…. February 22, 2010

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…she just makes it so HARD!!

Now I know she won all of our hearts when she starred in “Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit”

and then she got boobs and starred as Sarah in “Party of Five.”  Then she one-upped herself and rocked it out in “Can’t Hardly Wait.”  I even really liked her in “I know what you did last summer” and I may or may not still like that one single she put out “Barenaked.”  But then came the mid 2000’s.  The blonde hair.  “Garfield.”  And yes, “Ghost Whisperer.”  She dumped her SUPER hot fiance

and moved on to nasty Jamie Kennedy.  Btw, I got more picture results when I typed in “Jennifer Love Hewitt boyfriend” than when I typed in his actual name, Scott McCall.  OUCH.

But this picture.  Jennifer, I’m told it was for your birthday and you were merely dressing up and having fun with your girlfriends but I’m sorry – I can’t support it.  If you simply MUST dress up like this, please do it inside and away from the papparazzi.  Wait – why were there papparazzi in front of her houe ANYWAY?  Ai Dios Mio…..only on a Monday, I swear…