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Pretty Pretty Princess March 31, 2010

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Meet Lance

Lance is one of the pretty pretty princesses on The Biggest Loser this season.  Personally, I think he’s the pits.  Douchetastic.  His wife is even worse but she’s no longer on the show so, whatever so whatwhocares.  The point of this post is to show you how pretty Lance and his family is.  I mean, you all know that watching The Biggest Loser in HD is like watching Jurassic Park but when you factor in people as pretty as Lance well….it turns out to be a very special experience.  Especially when you have

BAM!  Lance’s dad.  Pretty pretty princess with three whole teeth.  And who can forget about

BAM!  Lance’s mom!  She’s so pretty!!!!  I think her mouth is so sexy.  I just want to lick those gums so bad…

Lance was super happy to be home so he could he see his pretty pretty

BAM!  Wife Michelle.  MMmmmmmm….now don’t you want a piece of that?

My favorite thing about Lance, I mean besides his man boobs, is his gorgeous gorgeous

BAM!  Goatee.  Mmmmmm….I love that child rapist/terrorist look he’s got.  YUMMY. 

So Lance, this post is dedicated to you and the beautiful flower that you are.  Thank you for being such an attractive force in my life.

BAM!

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Rolling Bone-r March 31, 2010

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OMGLEE

I need this issue, in my hands, like…yesterday.

Over the Hill March 30, 2010

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It’s cold in my office today.  It is raining outside.  Kate Gosselin is a bitch.

So basically same old, same old, nothing new in the world today. 

Apparently during Dancing With the Stars last night she got frustrated at trying to learn the dance and was all “ugh…I don’t wanna” and her dancer guy was all “ugh, you need to listen to me” and she was all “ugh, I don’t wanna I’m done for the day” and he was all “you know what I quit” and she was all ‘waaaaaahhhhh.”  I know can see where Mady gets it from. 


Ugh.  She’s the pits.

What’s NOT the pits, however?


DAYUM Cameron Diaz you better WORK BITCH.  I’ve always liked myself some Cameron D and even though she’s in a new movie with Tom Cruise whom I despise, I’ll love her still.

A place where my love wanes, however, is The Hills.  I didn’t watch it in the beginning, then I gave it a chance and loved it, then LC left and everything just went downhill.  Yes Kristen Cavallari is great, but ever since she started on the show the whole thing just seems more…fake.  And for The Hills, that’s saying a lot.  Anyway, the trailer for the final season was released today and it was full of “exciting” moments.

First off they gave us a look at the past by showing us some of LC’s greatest faces




and a tender ugly cry between her and Heidi 2.0


This bitch was shown


and the world continued to spin as if nothing had happened because…well….nothing had.

Stephanie and Lo showed us their ‘we’re kooky’ faces

while Kristen and Spencer showed us that with anger comes kissy faces.

Audrina has a boyfriend…

named RYAN CABRERA!!!  This kid cannot stay away from MTV “stars,” I swear.  First Ashlee Simpson and now ceiling eyes.  What’s next, the tranny from the Real World?  (Fingers crossed).

Speaking of tranny’s…then there’s this gem.

Robot Heidi 3.0.  So pretty.  She’s such a robot that even when Spencer’s vein is about to erupt from his neck she still stands there in perfect stoic silence.

And if there’s one thing the trailer taught us, it’s that crying with a fake face is HARD, ya’ll!

The one shining spot of the whole thing though?

Sigh….Brody.  Always, now, and forever.  Brody.

Livin’ La Vida GAY March 29, 2010

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Every week at bowling, we have a Mexican/Columbian/Puerto Rican that was salute for the week.  Selena, Charro, Shakira, Penelope Cruz, Selena Gomez, the list goes on and on.  Yesterday our tribute was Ricky Martin.  I don’t think it’s any coincidence that now this is announced:

I’d like to think that Livin’ on a Spare had something to do with that. 

Oh, and Ricky?  DUH.

Monday Tidbits March 29, 2010

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Oh Monday. 

Monday, Monday, Monday.  Why ya wanna test mah now?

My boss thinks I’m in a bad mood, but I’m fine, promise.  It was a fun, eventful weekend and I’m really happy with some of the events that transpired.  I’m afraid to report today, however, that I don’t have much to report!  F’honest!  Not a lot going on in the celeb world, I’m just sort of ho-hom, and it’s just another Monday round these parts.  A few points of interest, however.

1.  Tomato soup with Chicken and Orzo from Hale and Hearty is amazing.  I would marry this soup if I could.

2.  I just watched “The Real World You Never Saw:  DC” and I was a bit confused by their choice of musical selections.  Judging by what they played, you would think it was 1998 all over again.  Heard:

“Every Breath You Take” – Diddy
“Faith” – George Michael
“Teenage Dirtbag” – whoever sang “Teenage Dirtbag”
“Take on Me” – A-HA
“One Week” – Barenaked Ladies
“Creep” – TLC
“Love Shack” – B-52’s
“Dammit” – Blink 182.

Really MTV?  Really?  Blink 182?  I mean, TLC and George Faith are timeless but Blink 182??  You know you’re no longer relevant when….

3.  Team Livin’ on a Spare was a little bare boned this week but luckily we had Page Six to help out and More-O stepped up and got a fantastic score!!  Afterwards we all went to drunk brunch where we ran into Dom and celebrated being part of the Purple Posse:

4.  A reader recently inquired about my recent Facebook update and while it’s true I have gone from being single to being


no other further details will be given except to say that for the first time in a long, long time I’m really happy.  I’ve smiled more in the past 24 hours than I have in the past 4 months.  Some people be hatin’ but all I be doin’ is celebratin.’ 

5.  Wet Puck – hot or not?

I’m probably against the majority in this one but I’m going to say….NOT!  I know!  I know!  Don’t hate me!  I mean, despite the fact that I’m more of a “Team Finn” boy…he just looks cracked out in this picture.   I am a fan of the nipple slip, however.  I can’t believe Glee is back in only 16 more days!!!!!

That’s all I gots for now BriTunes-ers.  Until next time….

Caption This March 29, 2010

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Mayor Mike Bloomberg, Diana DiGarmo, The Situation, Snooki, Ace Young, and a random “Hair” tribe member.

I mean……WHAT??!!!!

Happy Monday!!

YYEEEEEIKKKES!!! March 26, 2010

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This beautiful creature…

is Miley Cyrus’ older brother Trace.

WHAT IS GOING ON.

The hair….the tats….the face….the hair….I can’t even with this but I’m just saying -if you have young children you might want to keep them away!

I’m only looking out for your best interests….and your children’s….

Okay Betty March 26, 2010

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Oh snap, Ugly Betty is gettin’ GOOD, yo!

This has been a show that I’ve always watched, but at times it has been a chore to watch it (a la Heroes, One Tree Hill, etc.).  Well now that the show has been canceled and is winding down to the last few episodes they’re pulling out all the stops and I, for one, could not be more grateful. 

Last week my boyfriend Aaron Tveit was on

and this week Betty got her braces off!  Unfortunately my computer was being whack so when the player froze, it froze on this screen grab:

Eek.  Not very flattering, America.  So while I’m not like, slit my wrists depressed that the show is ending I am a bit bummed since it’s actually good.  Not good?

THIS GUY

EVERY GD COMMERCIAL he was trying to teach me how to cook lobster and what the difference between Maine Lobster and Carribean Lobster was and blah blah blah.  I swear, the only thing worse than this guy is friggin the HPV Vaccine shit or birth control or whatever where they sing “I’m your venus, I’m your fire at your desire.”

Side note:  I did, indeed, used to think they were singing “I’m your penis, I’m your fire at your vagina.”  Yeah…I dunno either.

Happy Friday!!!

O Pigeon, My Pigeon March 25, 2010

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So Heidi and I are currently having quite the debate about a matter that is affecting our nation greatly:  Pigeons.  She loves them.  I hate ’em.  She is trying to continuously convince me that they are watching me.  With the news from Page Six that a pigeon flew into our closed window the other night….I’m starting to think she’s right.  She shared on her blog a po-em she wrote in 3rd grad….I mean….her Senior year of high school and I thought it was so brilliant I’d like to share it with you.

O Pigeon My Pigeon

O pigeon my pigeon,
I watch you fly so nice then land,
Flying through the air you are so neat and grand.
Some people call you rats with wings,
But I think you more queens and kings.
Your feathers are a lovely shade,
you are surely heaven made.
You fly so swiftly through the sky,
You are so lovely my oh my!
You like to be in Union Square,
and I like to feed you there.
Your little beaks peck for the food,
Oh I hope it tastes so good.
So dear pigeon it is true,
I will love no bird but you.

Then this lovely picture was posted with the saying “PS. Brian, they are watching you.”

You know, sometimes in your life you’re so incredibly thankful for friends that make you laugh very, very hard.

This is one of those times.

Oh!  Oh!  I totally forgot – last time Heidi was in New York she and I were walking around Central Park and she saw this pigeon she wanted to feed and…oh, I should just show you the picture.  It’s totally cute.

Heids, I am LOVING that dress on you gurl!

Just ‘Cuz March 25, 2010

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Cheyenne Jackson

Just ‘cuz.

Sigh….I heart New York.