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Back to Life…Back to…? June 29, 2010

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I should be feeling guilty…right?  I mean, I’m currently sitting in a park in the West Village, there’s a nice breeze, there’s a fountain right across from me, and I’m listening to the new Scissor Sisters’ album while blogging.  I mean, there’s something not right about this picture.  Yes I would rather be at a job (no really, I would!) and yes I should probably be more productive (but productive doing what?) but at this moment things could be worse.  Of course, there are pigeons walking around me…at any time they could choose to make my moment worse, ifyouknowwhatimean…

So last week, inbetween interviews and sweating my ass off in a suit all day long, I found some time to have a little fun.  Tuesday night the boys and I went to an art gallery presentation with free booze and free appetizers.  Dinner!  Afterwards we decided to hit a nearby bar for a little karaoke.  Unfortunately, no one’s name ever got called.  It was just random homos and this asian guy over and over again.

To this day, I still don’t know what we did wrong.  I mean, have you SEEN my friends and I do karaoke?  We keep people in the place instead of driving them out….or so we’d like to think.

Wednesday was my two follow-up interviews….still waiting (checks watch)….and then Thursday I did something pretty stupid.  I had reserved a new iphone because my version was two years old and in desperate need of an upgrade.  I managed to get a reservation, cool no prob, and was eligible for an upgrade so it wouldn’t be terribly expensive.  Bonus.  I went to the Apple store around 9 am thinking “I have a reservation, I’ll be in line for an hour, two, tops.”  The first hour and a half the line moved relatively fast and then…..complete stop.  I ended up being in line form 9 am until TWO FORTY FIVE IN THE AFTERNOON.  The problem was merely my stubbornness.  After an hour I was like “it’s a matter or principle.”

The phones’ amazing, I totally love it, and everything ended up working out for the best on Thursday with my transportation to Fire Island but let me just say right here and now – DUMBEST THING EVER.  I should have just waited until today to get it instead of wasting an entire day in line with sweaty nerds.  But like I said, everything worked out for the best and Thursday afternoon we were on our way to FIRE ISLAND!

The big event of this weekend was our friend David’s birthday.  We were all a little scared because David is known to get…well….wasted.

Yes, he’s the one in green.  Like you had any doubt.

Our Fire Island house has a total 70’s feel to it so we all had this great idea to have a “70’s Disco/Boogie Nights” party.  I, for one, was super excited.  You know I like any excuse to wear a costume.  The night before the party, David thought it would be a good idea to throw Craig in the pool and then jump in head first.  Please keep in mind our pool is about five feet deep, if that.  What happened next?

Don’t worry mom, I’m much smarter than David when I’m drunk.  The boy was fine, despite the giant gash on his head.  Apparently the scar will “build character,” or so I’m told.

The next morning we had a guest show up for our party a few hours earlier than expected.

Doe!  A Deer!  A Female Deer!  Apparently she heard about how our pool was all the rage and so she wanted to go swimming.  We shooed her away and told her to come back at 7:30.

We headed to the beach and then came back to get ready for the party.   I had on my 70’s finest.

Amazing.  The party started and for a few hours everyone was like “where is More-O?”  Yeah…I’ll tell you where More-O was…

I swear, some people just don’t know their limits.  The party was fun and the next day we enjoyed a lot of sun, a lot of relaxing and, you guessed it – drunk David drama!!  A few of us managed to pop away for a bit to enjoy a nice summer night on some random people’s roof.

And then, the next day, before we knew it, it was time to head back to the city!!

I tell ya, i would not have minded being back at the pool today with nothing to do but get some sun and do my Star magazine crossword puzzle.  But alas, all good things much come to an end.  The good thing, is that I only have a few more weeks before I’m back in Fire Island.  Hopefully, by then, I’ll have a FRICKIN JOB!!

Allright, time to close up shop and head home.  Maybe I’ll try to kick a few pigeons on my way out.

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Only In My Dreams June 28, 2010

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Hi everyone.  Having a relaxing night at home after a wacky and wild weekend in Fire Island.  Great times were had and I’ll fill you in on them later but for now…I have a gripe.  I’m trying really hard to hate Kristen Stewart’s face.  Really hard.  But then she takes pictures like this

and I can’t help but say she looks good!!  I mean…the girl is AWFUL!  So why does she keep doing this to me?  It’s like when that bastard Cruz Beckham terrorizes me in my dreams every night.  I know that Cruz is in with the pigeons outside my window too.  I just know it.  Speaking of dreams….last night in my dreams Audra McDonald died.

I’m very sorry Miss McDonald.  I think you’re amazing and have no ill will towards you.  Please accept my sincerest apologies.

Kind of waiting on hearing from a few jobs.  As each day passes I get more and more discouraged that I didn’t get the job, but you just never know…ya know?  Going to do my best to be productive and stay active this week!  Oh yeah, and to blog more!  I shall do my best.  For now?  Bed.

DUH. June 22, 2010

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Didja hear?

Jake and Vienna Sausage broke up.  Everyone say it with me now:  “DUH!”

I mean, of COURSE they broke up!!  If you had asked me back in March whether or not they were going to stay together I would legit have given you my left nut in full confidence that no, no they were not going to stay together.  It’s almost laughable to see them split THIS soon though.  You know he was like “please please stay with me through Dancing With the Stars.  I need votes.”

My favorite is that someone asked the new Bachelorette Ali if she was going to contact Jake now that he is single.  Bitch, of COURSE she’s not going to contact him.  He had the opportunity to take Ali back (granted she came crawling back like an idiot but that’s beside the point) and he let her go AGAIN.  To contact him again now would just be setting herself up for rejection.

I’m REALLY trying to feign interest in this story but…*yawn* I just don’t have it in me.

Sorry I’ve been a bit MIA the past little bit.  You’d be surprised how difficult it is to blog when you’re not sitting in front of a computer all day.  Yesterday I had an interview at a very famous company and I think it went pretty well.  It’s so hard to tell.  Funny enough, it is the company who’s interview I missed last week and THANKFULLY they didn’t bring up the incident.  Tomorrow I have a follow-up with a company I interviewed with back in May and I really liked them so I’m hoping they’ll like me some more tomorrow.  Thursday I get my new iphone and then it’s off to Fire Island for the weekend!

Hoping I’ll be back to blog more today.  I also hope you guys are well – I miss you!

Lucky Betch June 18, 2010

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I would like to now quote the most amazing musical in the world:  “The Last Five Years.”

“Have I mentioned today how lucky I am to be in love with you?”

He’s just so damn purty!

Put Down the Cookie June 18, 2010

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Phew!!  Thank goodness the weekend is almost here!  I’ve had the most DRAINING week filled with….a whole lotta nothin’!  I’m very grateful, however, that I have an interview today…and Monday…and then a follow-up interview on Tuesday that I am virrrry excited for.  Today though, I’m just enjoying my time and enjoying the amaaaaaaazingness that is…

I mean, I can’t.  It’s SO GOOD.  And even though I’ve seen it a million times it NEVER gets old.  Nevah.  Mostly because of pretty flowers like this

and this

It’s like, the epitome of teenage drama and the epitome of summer and camp and preeeeeetty much the shit.  While I’m quite jealous of all you people out there working, I know you’re jealous of me being able to watch “Return to Fat Camp.”

It could also be titled “return to Brian’s house” after the huge bagel I had for breakfast this morning….oof.

Just ‘Cuz June 17, 2010

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Hanson.

Just ‘cuz.

I’m so ashamed I find them so hot…

Stupid Is as Stupid Does June 16, 2010

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Every now and then, we all need a good tale.  A little story to help us get through the day to realize “you know what?  Life ain’t so bad.”  Unfortunately, this is not one of those tales for my benefit – instead, it’s for yours!  So sit down, grab some popcorn, and enjoy.

I am currently still on the job hunt.  It has only been a month, I’m not discouraged, per se, I’m more just bored.  I’m tired of sitting on my ass applying for jobs which I’m not qualified for and constantly refreshing gmail or Yahoo to see if any potential jobs have emailed me.  Not to mention refreshing Perezhilton all day and watching marathons of America’s Next Top Model. I promise you – it’s not as glamorous as it sounds.  Last week my friend Travis did me a solid and sent my resume along at a very famous company he works for.  Within two days they called me for an interview.  This was awesome!  I couldn’t believe they wanted to see me so fast!  It was a job that was exciting and shit, I would be working for a company that is more famous than Britney Spears!  I mean, if that’s even possible.  She offered up a few dates and I said – 6/16 works perfectly.  Look at my calendar – the 16th is Wednesday (today) – awesome.  See you then.  She later emails back and is like “you know what?  Let’s do the 15th instead.”  Perfect.  Wonderful.  Done and done.  All weekend long I’m like “I’m so excited for my interview on WEDNESDAY.  I can’t wait for this interview I have on WEDNESDAY.”

Tuesday -the 15th- rolls around and I’m doing my normal routine.  Went to the gym, grabbed lunch with a friend, applied for a few jobs…you know…normal unemployment stuff.  I’m lamenting to my friend Ben how bored I am, how I can see it’s easy to slide into depression when you’re unemployed.  I make a protein shake, and I’m enjoying a lovely afternoon watching the Real Housewives of New Jersey.  4:10pm – ring ring.

Brian:  “Hello, this is Brian.”
Woman:  “Hi Brian, this is so and so from so and so.”
Brian:  “Oh, hey girl hey.”  I’m thinking she’s calling to confirm my interview the next day.
Woman:  “You know you were supposed to be here at 4pm, correct?”
Brian:  “Uh…no…my interview is tomorrow.”
Woman:  “No, it’s today.  The 15th.”
Brian:  “Tomorrow if the 15th.”
Woman:  “No, today’s the 15th.”

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I mean, of all the stupid, retahded things I could have done…The worst part is that the first line in the job description is a “superior attention to detail.”  Needless to say, I haven’t heard back from them.  They said they would email me to reschedule but seeing as I can’t even show up to the interview on the correct day….well….

I’m mad at myself mostly.  Like, really?  REALLY BRIAN?  Feckin’ idiot….So it’s back to the drawing board.  I just gotta stay strong, stay smart, and REMEMBER TO SHOW UP FOR THE INTERVIEW ON THE DAY I HAVE IT.

All common sense, right?  Stupid idiot….

The Face of Crazy June 15, 2010

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Ladies and Gentlemen I’d like to introduce you….to the face of crazy.

Meet Kasey, a contestant on this season of The Bachelorette.

Kasey, my people, is caraaaaaaaaazy.  Carazy.  Crazy.  Cray Cray.


First of all, he has the voice akin to a drunk Kermit the Frog.  Secondly, he is CRAZY!!!  Ali is no interest in him, yet keeps him around for some strange reason.  On last night’s episode the two of them went on a one-on-one date to some museum in New York..I dunno…the met or the natural history…whatever.  There were dinosaurs there, that’s all I know.  So Ali seemed bored the entire time and Kasey kept saying things like he’ll “guard her heart” blah blah blah.  Then came the song.




It was like this:  “Ali, I love you, I want that rose, I’ll guard your heart, I’ll never fart, and I hope we’ll never be apart.”  Well Ali didn’t send him home but she also didn’t give him the rose.  Said he didn’t seem “genuine.”  Well obviously!!  It’s cause he’s craze!!  So Kasey stayed on the show.  The next day, to “show his devotion to Ali” he decided to do something that makes total sense.

Kasey…um….maybe you shouldn’t…

I mean…is this really the best…

Ah hell.  So he got a tattoo.  Thank GOD it doesn’t say Ali’s name on it, but still.  It’s a heart with a shield around it…and a rose…and eleven diamonds…because he’s in the top 11.

Yup.  Makes total sense.  And THEN…he was going to show Ali the tattoo…ooh boy…it’s gonna get good….and Ali’s face is like this the entire time while he’s talking…

And then stupid FRANK walks in!!  Aw man!!  So we didn’t get to see him show her the tattoo.  And you know what? *spoiler*

HE GOT THE ROSE!!!  I don’t know man…he seems a little unstable to me.  I think that Ali better watch out next week because if she crosses Kasey I wouldn’t be surprised if instead of a flashlight in his hand he had a knife.

Next week?  Iceland!  More drama!  More craziness!  More roses!  More songs!  Why do I watch this show?!  I don’t know!  But I hate it!  And by hate it I mean secretly love it!  While still hating it!

And on That Note… June 14, 2010

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I’m going to the gym.  For like, six hours.  If you need me, that’s where I’ll be.

Tony Tone Toni June 14, 2010

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Oh Tony.  Tony, Tony, Tony.  What is wrong with you?

I’ve been watching the Tony Awards since…1996?  I mean, it has been forever.  And sure, there have been some years that were more exciting than others but last night…First of all, the musicals themselves weren’t anything to get super excited about.  I mean, Memphis?  Snooze.  Fela?  WTF is that?  Million Dollar Quartet?  Never heard of it.  The only one I’ve even seen is American Idiot, which I liked, but even I’M getting tired of their shtick.  We get it – it’s a Green Day musical.

That doesn’t mean they need to show up to EVERY PERFORMANCE YOU DO.  And was it a cast decision to all wear a shade of black or grey?  Even Billie Joe got to wear red pants…

I thought that Sean Hayes did a really good job as host.

Sure he’s no NPH, or Rosie O’Donnell, or Hugh Jackman for that matter (what is it with gay men hosting the Tony Awards?) but on the whole he was funny and well-timed.  Someone who did NOT do a good performance was the sound mixer.  SERIOUSLY.  You are supposed to be a professional – is it THAT HARD to figure out the mixing on the microphones?  The whole show was just a mess as far as the sound was concerned.

This whore was there.

And she even brought her man-whore of a husband Ryan Reynolds with her.  Look, Scarlett can werk it out – she’s gorgeous and rarely makes a mistake on the red carpet.  But I’m not gonna have ANYone take my girl Alanis’ man and just be quiet about it.  No way, no how.  But I will give her this – her acceptance speech was ril cute.  May have brought a tear or two to my eye.  Damn acceptance speeches – they get me every time!  However, Scarlett winning was only the beginning in the long line of ultra celebrities winning the Tony over actual theater actors.  Like these two:

Viola Davis started out as a theater actress so I’ll cut her some slack but Denzel Washington accepting his Best Actor award was….I was fine with him winning but then he gets up there and he’s like “yo yo, I don’t know what awards show this is but thanks for this shiny new trophy.”  It was like he didn’t give a shit.  And THIS ONE.

I’m a hopin’ that her voice was just off because homegirl sounded like she smoked a pack of Marborlo’s and then shouted her way through a Green Day concert.  Which…if she was there at the beginning of the show…she probably did.  Good for her for adding a Tony to her trophy case but  I dunno man…she wouldn’t make it past American Idol round 1 with that performance ifyouknowwhati’msayin.

Matt Morrison was also there to pretend like he was straight.  Not only did he sing and dance with girls, he sang and danced with girls while SINGING about how much he loves girls!  WE GET IT.  YOU’RE STRAIGHT.

Funny enough, when I was home in Ohio last week I found a picture of when I was in New York in 1999.  My friend Keri that I went on the trip with and I got tickets to see Footloose and then stayed around after to take pictures with the cast.  I’m looking through the pictures and who do I see but one of Keri with Matt Morrison!  Back then he was a lowly chorus boy.  Well look at him now.  And look at Lea Michele’s bang now.

Seriously.  I hate them.  I also wasn’t a huge fan of her performance – homegirl COULD NOT stay in time with the music.  It was unbelievable.  I was like “yo!  Listen to the rhythm of the song you’ve performed a million times!”  Not impressed, even if she can wail.  And, dare I say, I like her character more than I like her?  I mean, her voice is amazing, she can do no wrong (except for this hack of a performance) but I’m starting to buy in to the “Lea Michele is a bitch” club….I know!  I know!  Bad Gleek, bad Gleek.

New week, same old shit.  With no Glee on this week, I don’t have anything to look forward to!  Ah well.. Peace out my peeps.