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Off to MO I Go July 28, 2010

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Happy Birthday to Miss Jessie Spano herself, Elizabeth Berkeley!!!

You know, as neurotic as she was, Jessie was oftentimes my favorite character on the show.  I mean, she had the BEST storylines.  I mean her dad’s wedding in Palm Springs where she hated her new Stepmom and then she ran away and Zack had to save her on a gold cart and then they sped back to the wedding so she could apologize?  Amazing.

Or what about the time that she decided she liked Zack for that one episode and she was Snow White and he was Prince Charming and they were really into each other for two minutes and “omg I kissed him WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?” and then they rapped.  Perfect.

And then there was the whole “Caffeine Pills” debacle but we don’t have enough time in the week to go over that wonderful tale.

So HAPPY BIRTHDAY BETCH Elizabeth Berkeley.  I will always love you…and always wonder why you weren’t a part of Zack Attack.

In a few short hours I shall be off to Missouri with More-O, David, Ben, Craig, Dana, etc.

We’re all staying at Craig’s Lake House on Lake of the Ozarks for a few days.  Interesting bit of trivia…a few years ago I went with my FAMILY to Lake of the Ozarks and now I’m going back with friends – so crazy!

Needless to say…I will be in the woods…away from all internet…so I will not be able to update BriTunes.  And then when I get back I start work the next morning.  And I don’t know at what frequencies my updates will come at as I’m attempting to be a good employee for a bit.  But have patience – I will update before you know it.  Yes Dan Hyman, I said have patience.


Ali Pretty Party July 26, 2010

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Hooooo Boy, what a season of The Bachelorette its been.  And by “what a season” I of course mean “Ali sucks.”  Yup, she’s the pits.  I don’t know what it is about the Bachelorette’s lately – Deanna, Jillian, and now this Debbie Downer.  To be fair, she hasn’t exactly had it “easy.”  I mean first they give her all ugly guys, then Justin turns out to have a girlfriend, and then Frank decides that his ex-girlfriend is so much better than Ali so he dumps her too.  Now she’s just down to Roberto and…um…I think Chris?  I don’t know the other guys’ name.  So in honor of tonight’s “Behind the Rose” episode, I would like to present an Ali Pretty Party.

Yes Ali, I’m nervous for this post as well.

Ah!!  Okay!  I’m sorry!  Don’t come and get me with your zombie arms!!  I promise I’ll be kind.

LOLZ I know, right?!  Me be kind?  Pshaw.  Okay, let’s start the pretty party.


Pretty….so far so good…I mean, ish.  Okay, let’s keep going….slowly now…

Eeeeyikes!  What the hell is going on with your eyebrow?!?!

Geez, it wasn’t that funny.  And get your hands off me.  By the way, I don’t mean to be rude but you look kinda chunky in that get-up.

Oh don’t be so shocked, you’ve said yourself that you gained like 20 pounds during the filming of the show.  What the hell?

Oh pipe down, stop yelling at me.  I’m not exactly stick thin these days either.  We’ll diet together, okay?  God, talk about needing to take a chill pill….

Okay, let’s continue on with the Pretty Party.

Oh….Ali….um….I mean….wow…you look uh….the Snookie poof is definitely um….Oh.  Wait!!  That’s not Ali, it’s Kirk’s mom!!!

LOLZ!  Omg, I’m so silly.  I thought that was you for a minute!!!  LOLZ!!  Aren’t I so silly, Ali?

Fine.  Don’t be amused.  Whatever.  Moving on.

Ooh, the CRYING section, YES!!  I love this section!  There’s nothing better than a crying Pretty Party.

HOT.  Now give me wrinkled tanned forehead leatherface.

YES.  I love it!  Work those wrinkles bitch, WORK THEM!  Let’s see you work them some more, C’MON!

Yes, I love it.  You’re so good at this.

Why are you so tired?  It’s just a Pretty Party, it can’t be THAT exhausting.  It’s probably from the extra weight you’re carrying around, isn’t it?  I knew it, I knew it.  Keep rocking this sad look, c’mon.  Give me…um….give me DROOPING FLOWER!!

YES!!  PERFECT!!  I tell ya Ali, I know I give you a lot of shit but you know how to rock a Pity Party like nobody’s business.

Oh, did I say ‘Pity Party?’  LOLZ!!  Whoops, I meant PRETTY PARTY!!!  Because you’re the Prettiest!  And by ‘Prettiest’ I mean you’re the Pits.

I suppose I should leave you here though.  I mean, I don’t want to waste all the pretty before the final rose ceremony next week.  But take it from me – you should pick Roberto.  And do him, do him good.  I’m sure baseball players like him have lots of stamina.  And hey – if you don’t want him, I’l take him.

It wasn’t that funny…jeez…..bitch.

Monday Musings July 26, 2010

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What a G-orgeous day in the NYC today ladies and gents.  My job starts next week, I’m going to Missouri for vacation on Wednesday, and my triflin’ ass boyfriend is back after being gone for a week.  Triflin’.  That’s all I’m sayin.’

I’m doing my best to not watch “Greek” on the couch all day and to actually go to the gym and be productive but I have the sense that my life is going to change drastically next week when I start work so I’m going to enjoy my time and not have any agendas.  I had, quite possibly, the most chill weekend in a very, very long time.  Friday night Page Six, Yasi and I went out for a few drinks, some pizza, and some showtune singing.  It was a very special night, however, because there was a TORNADO WARNING in Manhattan.  Here I am being blown away by the tornado:

Phew – that was a close one!  I’m glad I had that metal bar to hold on to!

Yesterday while I was walking around the West Village I came to a stoplight and notice Katy Perry and Russell Brand on their bikes waiting for the light to change.

I couldn’t help but share my adoration for “California Gurls” with Katy.  Russell, however….yeah…I just let him go on his merry way.

Apparently, the Lord himself was spotted across the street from our apartment yesterday as well.  Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Zefron himself.

I don’t think you understand where this even is in comparison to my house.  If you walk out my front door, John’s Pizzeria is LITERALLY across the street.  That means that I have walked on the same pavement, and breathed the same air, as Zefron.  Zigh…I feel more Holy just thinking about it.

I’m off to enjoy my day – hope the Monday madness is treating you all well!

You Want Me to Go WHERE? July 22, 2010

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Well today ended up being a pretty good day after all.  “Why?” you may ask?  Well…because I got a job!  Yes, yes, after many many weeks of searching I’ll be working at a music company in PR.  Super excited – I start the first week of August.

Today someone invited me to an event they were singing at.  No big deal, having been in theater I get event requests like that all the time.  The thing that pisses me off, however, is that is event is from an acquaintance.  Who I’ve spoken to maybe three times in my life.  And lives in Utah.  Really?  REALLY?  You think I’m going to travel from New York to Utah to see you sing the National Anthem or some shit?  No.  The answer to that is no.  But today’s event was the kicker.  This girl wanted me to come to her event…in Utah…where she opened for….

GOKEY.  Really?  Really?  GOKEY?  Are you KIDDING ME?  I thought I was rid of this doofus.  Did you guys hear his wife died?  I tell you what….I’m never going to Utah to watch you sing the National Anthem but I DEFINITELY ain’t going anywhere where there’s a possibility of me running into Gokey.  Because that would not go down well, and I think you know it.


Some things I’m loving this summer:


For the longest time Page Six was like “Yo, you need to watch Greek I really think that you would like it” and I was all “yo, I got too many shows in my DVR list, I don’t have time for it” but then this summer I had some time on my hands (obviously) and so I watched the first season and then I was like “yo, I think I’m hooked.”  It’s an awesome show with some really great characters (and some really awful characters) and the pop culture references they constantly refer to make me laugh.  Melissa B:  You NEED TO WATCH THIS SHOW.

Big Brother

After years and years of denying it’s magic, I finally gave in to the power of Big Brother this season (mostly thanks to More-O’s love for it).  It’s a really great summer pleasure and the best thing is that it’s on three days a week!  Loves.

Seriously, I can’t even with the new Scissor Sisters album.

This shit is THE BOMB.  Amazing, amazing songs – it’s so great for the gym, a party, a chill night…it’s the best.  If you don’t have this album, GET IT.

I’m tired.  I’m going to bed.  But I had to get a blog post out because I hadn’t the past two days.  Tomorrow I’m getting a massage and I couldn’t be more excited.  I’ve been wanting one all summer but felt bad spending the money.  Now that I have a job…I’ma gettin’ a massage!!!

Uh….Britney? July 21, 2010

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Um….Brit Brit?  I mean….er…um…

Sigh….what can I even say about this?  I love her…and I know there’s worse things out there…(ahem – Lindsey Lohan) but Britney…really?

I’ll leave it at that.

I Chipped My Tooth on a Gobstopper July 20, 2010

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And now you’re caught up on my life!!  Okay, now let’s get caught up on Lindsay Lohan’s life.

Okay.  And now we’re caught up.   Want to get caught up on Ali from the Bachelorette’s life?

Yup, Frank dumped her.  She cried a lot.  And now we’re caught up.  Let’s see, what else…

I had a comment on the blog today from “Yo Mamma” (I know it was you Dan Hyman) and this person was offended that I haven’t posted more.  Listen – I am SORRY, HOKAY?  When I’m not in front of a computer all day it’s hard to sit down and blog but also I’ve been out of town.  There’s not much to write about when all I’m doing in my day is sitting by the pool with a margarita!  I did just get back from another successful Fire Island trip, however, and what a fabulous time we had.  And yes, I just said ‘fabulous.’

One of the best parts about not having a job is that it allows me to head out to the island on Thursday and you bet your ass that’s what I did.  Craig, David and I had a lovely dinner with a neighboring house that had a view to DIE for.

I love our house for sure, but a house on the bay sure would be nice!  Saturday there was a volleyball tournament all day and so the boys and I headed out to see Craig play.  And wouldn’t ya know it, he came in first place!!

Another amazing part is that More-O is in my house and I love love love the fact that we get to vacation together – even if it bugs him when I take pictures.

He’s out of town for the next week and it’s the longest we’ll go without seeing each other since February.  February!  Now that’s just crazy.  Aw, he’s just so darn cute.

Our friend David met a “special gentleman caller” Saturday and he was quite special.  During a Marco Polo game in our pool he was sitting on the sidelines and telling “Marco” where to go.  I believe my exact words to him were “Would you shut the hell up!”  Yeah, I wasn’t exactly a fan.  Still, we saw him waiting for the ferry and couldn’t resist saying goodbye.

Hey there Big Daddy!

Monday before leaving the four remaining housemates decided to check out some Tranny Bingo.  Even though none of us won, we had a very fun time.  The best part is that we all had matching outfits which we wore totally by coincidence.  David and I decided to wear blue tank tops and then we saw that Greg was going to wear one too.  We knocked on Craig’s door and we were like “Hey Craig – wear a blue tank top tonight” and he comes out and says “I was going to, why?”  We were totally like a gang…or a boy band…or the Blue Power Ranger’s back up team.

After one last rain storm

some Broadway trivia and us making friendly with some guys just to eat their pizza we later found out was free and given to everyone…it was time to head home back to the hot, muggy city.  I have an interview tomorrow with MTV and will hopefully be hearing back from the job I interviewed for last week that I’m REALLY hoping to score.  Something’s coming on the horizon, I can feel it ya’ll!!!

I’ll see you again this week, and soon.  And that’s a promise you can count on!

Somewhere Over the Eyebrow July 14, 2010

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I don’t really pretend to watch The Hills: Aftershow on a regular basis.  Hell, I can barely remember to watch The Hills – that’s just the way it goes sometimes.  But I happened to catch The Hills: Aftershow today (it WAS the finale, afterall) and I have a confession to make:  I don’t just watch for Lauren Conrad and Brody Jenner.  I also watch for THIS GUY:

I did a little IMDB research and apparently his name is Dan Levy.  He’s adorkable, right?!

Page Six, however, filled me in to a little piece of trivia.

He’s EUGENE LEVY’S SON!!!  I mean, putting the two of them together, I totally get it.  But no joke this show has been on for like three years and I had no clue the entire time.

Those two dem got some eyebrows but hot DAMN do they pull them off.

As far as The Hills is concerned, I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t watch my share of it, but let’s be honest – the show ended when LC left.  I don’t think that I’m going to have some giant hole in my life with it gone.

I still, however, miss RICH GIRLS.  

I Can’t Even With This July 14, 2010

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These two?

I can’t even.  Seriously.  Kids, you are 19 years old.  You have a child out of wedlock.  You hated each other while you were broken up.  Levi kinda sorta posed for Playgirl.  Your mom doesn’t know.  You live in ALASKA.  Do we REALLY think that these are ingredients for a “successful relationship?”  Are you KIDDING ME?  I mean, there’s not even anything else to say because the thought of them getting married and actually STAYING together is RIDIC.  I can’t.

I have an interview/meeting/audition tomorrow – for a reality show.  Yes, you heard me correctly, a reality show.  A dating show in which I would be the gay “wingman” to hopeless schmucks.  I’m supposed to have style, opinions, and humor.

Think I can pull it off?

Spotted: July 13, 2010

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Hey Hey mah peeps.

Not much to report this rainy, muggy Tuesday.  The weekend was pretty great – lots of time with More-O, a fantastic dinner or two, some tele, and then Sunday night a bunch of dodgeballers and I got together to play some kickball.  Oh yes, you heard me right – kickball.  I’m making it my solemn goal to conquer all sports that aren’t cool – dodgeball, kickball, bowling.  It’s going to happen.  Anyway, my right leg is still yelling at me from kickball.  It’s saying “Brian!!  WHAT are you doing to me?  I can’t handle all of this physical activity!”

Kickball was pretty damn awesome and during the course of our games we had a few observers.  Ben Stiller stopped by for a bit to watch us –

and we tried to get him to play but he declined.  Then Willie Garson (aka Stamford on Sex and the City)

came by with his son to watch.  We didn’t ask him to play.  Poor Stamford.

Yesterday while I was at the gym I looked out the window and who did I see walking by but Penn Badgley and Blake Lively.

Wearing these exact outfits!!  Crazy!!

Walking HOME from the gym I passed by Ryder Hudson…yes…Kate Hudson’s kid.

He wasn’t walking by himself, obviously, but was with a nanny.  I wasn’t sure which is sadder – the fact that I recognized him or the fact that I actually told people about it.  That kid seriously needs to cut his damn  hair.

Then TODAY at the gym I saw Jeremy Sisto walking by with his family.

I’ve actually seen him before and I was about as excited this time as I was last time to see him…which wasn’t very excited.

Things are slow slow in Brian-land.  I had an interview yesterday with a music company and it seemed to go well.  I’m just so sick and tired of interviewing and putting a suit on and pretending to smile and blah blah blah.  Why don’t they like me?!?!  Excited for Fire Island this weekend – gettin’ some sun, laying out by the pool, and chillin’ with mah boys!

BritGlee Spears? July 9, 2010

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I know you all have been DYING for some Glee news, some Glee talk, some Glee ANYTHING!!!!!! so here we gooooo!

Word on the street is that, yes people, there WILL be an all Britney Spears episode next season.

I. KNOW.  Could you die?  Its been speculated for quite some time but apparently Ryan Murphy confirmed it!  Now, the tribute episodes are a very deadly rope to walk on.  The Madonna one ended up being one of my absolute favorites but I know plenty of people who hated it.  There are TONS of Britney songs that could be amazing given the “Glee” spin and I, for one, can’t wait!  I’m hoping it will be a Britney SPEARS tribute episode and a BRITTANY tribute episode ifyouknowwhati’msaying.

Hey Brit Brit!!  Love you, miss you!

It has been just over a month but that is far too long to not have Glee in my life.  Come back!  Come back, I say!

Thanks to a link More-O posted on my facebook today, I discovered that the Beckham’s have a “punishment chair.”

You know who should be punished?  The Beckham’s for having that bastard of a bastard baby Cruz Beckham!!  Ugh….Nemesis…it has been a little while since we’ve heard from nemesis and that’s probably for the best.  He’s keeping it on the DL with the pigeons in my back alley – they’re all waiting for the right opportunity to STRIKE.  I’m tellin’ you man….I sleep with one eye open…

Ga Ga Ra a aha was on the Today show this morning…

I’m honestly just so in awe and inspired every time that woman speaks.  She’s so gracious to her fans and she truly has a good grasp on her life and the monster that is “fame.”  Sure she’s kind of oversaturated right now and sure she’s batshit crazy, but I loves her.  My mom asked if I went to see her in Rock Center and I was like “bitch you crazy.”  There is no way in HEEELLLL I’m wading through 20,000 people at 8am for the off chance I’ll see a glimpse of the Lady.  You out cho damn mind.

So You Think You Can Dance last night people…did you watch?

Alex Wong people!!  NOOOO!!!  He tore is achilles and is out for three months so they took him out of the competition.  Talk about depressing, that kid had talent OOZING out his pores.  I was so in love with the way he danced, it’s a major travesty to not have him in there anymore.  Why do all the good ones get hurt?  Why couldn’t like, Jose or Billy get hurt?  One giant WAH WAH for Alex Wong leaving, that’s for sure.

Tonight is a Happy Hour with our friend Lynne who is visiting from LA and then tomorrow is Date Night!! Wahoo!  Speaking of Date Night….I’d still like to see that movie.  I’m sad I haven’t.  I gotta peace out now though because I have a voice over audition I have to get to.  Look at me, auditioning two days in a row.  Who woulda thunk it?!