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Emmy Thoughts After a Bottle of Wine August 29, 2010

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First things first…Happy Birthday to…..

Yes.  Lea Michele.  You are indeed larger than life.  We all know this.  Just like we know that Matt Morrison is straight – WE GET IT!!!  Anyway, I’d like to wish you a very happy birthday.  Truly, I would.  You’re quite amazing in Glee and I think you’re something wonderful.  However, are you the pitts?  ‘Lil bit.  And are your bangs, teeth, and makeup completely out of control at the Emmys?  Why….absolutely!

Love the dress, love the jewels, hate the hair.  Pretty standard with you.  I think, most of all, I’m just really hoping you don’t win the Emmy.  You need to be knocked down a few pegs.  And, lo and behold, you didn’t win!  Huzzah!  I’m perfectly fine with Edie Falco winning because she’s amazeballs in “Nurse Jackie.”  Lea could use a few years to realize that she “aint” the shit.

Speaking of ‘ain’ts…’ …..

Christina Hendricks looks like a Muppet.

Hellerr.  The topic of today was that “Fraggles” and “Muppets” were the same thing.  Not “THE Muppets,” just “muppets” in general.  Note:

Fraggle:

Muppet:

Now, interesting.  When I Google “Muppets” NONE of the Fraggles show up – INTERESTING.  I challenge you to do the same and hope that you note that while Fraggles ARE Puppets, they are NOT Muppets.  Moving on.

I’m on the fence about January Jones being the White Queen in the new X-Men movie

But that dress?  Dating Jason Sudekis?  UN.  DE.  SERVING.

Rita Wilson?

No.

Jennifer Carpenter?

Yesssssssss……

Claire Danes?  Yessss….

However, that weird autistic lady that was freaking out during all of Claire’s speeches needs to SIT DOWN.

The best dressed person out of the entire Glee cast, I have to say, was Jayma Mays.

Seriously – so cute.  So classic.  So simple, so fashionable.  The hair was amazing too.

The winners were pretty predictable but I was happy with all of them.  Especially mah gays:

Now Eric Stonestreet isn’t actually gay but he plays gay on the show.  I think that he ABsolutely deserved the award, as did Jane Lynch.  Honestly, if Jane didn’t win I don’t know what I would have done.  She was amazing this past year in a so-so first season of Glee and at the very least she got an award.

I had a great time today with paintball and then the Emmy’s with my boy and my friends and I’m looking forward to a busy ass week at work and finishing the rest of my unpacking at my new place with More-O!!!

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Rehab Does a Body Good August 27, 2010

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DAYUM Lindsey!!!

You done be lookin’ GOOOOOOOD!!  I mean….good-ish.  It’s like Britney…she’ll look good sometimes, but it’s more “good for Britney” than it is like, good, good.  Alanis on the other hand…

Looks GORGeous.  Pregnancy totally agrees with her and good for her using the baby to get back in the spotlight a little bit!  Now let’s focus on these new promo pictures of the Glee cast….

Okay…cute…

Slushy’s okay that’s cute…

Amber Riley done be lookin’ good okay, cute…

And then we have this one.

I just…like..I just can’t with the bangs.  I just can’t!  I don’t know why, I don’t know what my problem is, but THE BANGS.  They are not helping with my quickly fading love of Lea Michele, I’m just sayin’……

Busy Busy Friday for me.  I have 300 press kits to send out and have to be home by 7 to pick up my laundry and finish packing before 9 when I’m meeting with the B.A.N.D.I.T.S. for our night out and then have to be up at 9 am tomorrow to pick up the moving truck for my move in with More-O!  Then it’s up again bright and early on Sunday for Craig’s Paintball extraveganza and then Sunday night it’s the Emmy’s and then, PHEW!!  A couple of busy days ahead but this fall is all about new beginnings and I’m so excited for them!

Why Miss Rita Watson… August 25, 2010

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I don’t understand!!  How in the world could this have happened?!  How can someone go from this beautiful songbird

to the bag lady in Rent?!

Lauryn Hill, you done  be crazier than a shit house rat but I’ll always love you for giving me one of the greatest characters to ever grace the silver screen…Miss RITA LOUISE WATSON!!!

Kendra, the Witch, and the Wardrobe August 24, 2010

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Kendra.

Really.  Is that neccessary?  I can’t even with this chick and then to have this picture come across my radar today I mean…

What a day, what a week!  Last night Becky asked me where my blog went (she had typed in the wrong address) and for a second I was like “I know, where DID it go?!”  Unfortunately, due to the new job and the craziness of my life lately BriTunes 2.0 has been a bit on the backburner.  I know you all understand.  Of course, if I was broke and homeless I would have a LOT of time to blog…nah…I’ll take the job.

Today has been quite the productive day though.  I was up bright and early this morning to visit the glamorous place known as….THE DMV!!!!  And what a glamorous place it is, too.  I’m serious.  The queen could live there.  I wasn’t hating it especially since I heard Katy Perry, Billy Joel, Madonna, and Billy Joel.  I thought “okay, this is music that’s not exactly Easy Listening (as they were advertising) but I like all of these artists so I’ll just go with it.”  I enjoyed it until they played Cher.  Cher before 10 am is just going too far.

I had to be at the DMV so I could rent one of these sonsabitches on Saturday for my move.

I don’t even have that much stuff but I have just enough and my friends are trifling and don’t have cars so UHaul it is! 

I need a haircut.


Yeah Fantastia, I need a haircut.  What of it?  Geez, why don’t you go stage another fake suicide attempt and leave me alone. 

I seriously can’t with her right now.  Everything is lining up a liiiiiiiiittle too nicely for her for me to feel sorry for her!  First comes the affair with the married guy, then comes the suicide attempt and then only TWO WEEKS LATER comes the Behind the Music AND the new album?  No.  Just….no. 

On a brighter subject…

How cute are these two?  I just like them so much together, I wish they would make it work.  Are they together now?  Who knows and who cares!  They need to stay together forever because they are adorable.  I bet when they’re home alone together they’re just surrounded by rainbows, unicorns, and sparkles.  Actually…let’s just say rainbows and sparkles.  Because unicorns are kinda creepy. 

No…YOUR a magic unicorn!!  Typo pun intended.

So yeah.  Moving.  Dodgeball.  Work.  Now you’re pretty much caught up on my life!  DC Doug came out to Fire Island with us last weekend and it was awesome having him there.  We could go three years without seeing each other and would still hang out like no time has passed at all.  He really liked More-O and that was super important to me as he hasn’t been the biggest fan of some of my boyfriends in the past.  No, not you Kelly.  Pipe down.  Tonight is pretty damn exciting for me because I’m going to Terminal 5 to see….the SCISSOR SISTERS!!

Second time in a year?  Hot damn do I love New York!

Of course, I’m going to be missing Saved By the Bell trivia with More-O and his friends but I’m a little too depressed about that so I like to not talk about it.  Instead…let’s talk about how much I love the Scissor Sisters!!  Wahoo!!

Peace out mah peeps.

Oh Baby Baby! August 20, 2010

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YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

The Answer is YES! August 19, 2010

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There is currently a blog making the rounds that was written on Christwire.org and it, in 15 steps, helps straight women figure out if their man is….*gasp* GAY!

I mean, shit, give me five minutes with your man and I’ll tell you if he’s gay or not, do you really need a fifteen step program?  I have known many people who have gay husbands (*cough* EVT) and know that this is a real problem with some people.  They’d rather be married to a….woman…than be awesome and fabulous.  So ladies, if you have any question that your man is gay, the answer is yes.  The question alone is a huge sign that, yup, he likes the penis.  I would, however, like to take a look at these bullet points and see if, indeed, they are indications that your man is a Friend of Dorothy.

1.  Secretive Late Night Use of Computers or Cellphones

In particular, the blog points out to “be on the lookout for a man that does not want to web surf or answer phone calls in your presence.”  Bitch, that don’t mean your man is gay, that just means he doesn’t want your trifling ass looking over his shoulder every ten minutes!  I mean, if you look at the web history and see that he’s checking out Sean Cody then yeah, he’s a big ‘mo but I don’t need to see your texts and you don’t need to see mine!

2.  Looks at other men in flirtatious ways

“Is he fond of winking at people?”  Since when do gay guys wink?  Since when do straight guys wink?  The only people that wink are grandpas and people on “Seinfeld.”

3.  Feigning attention in church and prayer groups

“Does it ever seem as if he’s using church as an excuse to spend time around young men?”  BWA HA HAAA…if your man wanted to spend time around young men, there are many other places to do that than boring ass church.  Shit, just go to Whole Foods or Hollister.  Speaking of Hollister…

4.  Overly fastidious about his appearance and the home

“Natural men have a certain amount of grit about them. They sweat and they smell. Homosexuals often abhor this sort of thing and will also be incredibly particular about the cleanliness of the home.”  Wait, wait, wait…so just because I don’t like to smell like a homeless person and I use cologne all of a sudden I’m gay now?!  If I was a straight man that took pride in his appearance I’d be very offended by this statement…

5.  Gym membership but no interest in sports

“Gay men use the gym as a place to socialize and to have secret liaisons in the bathrooms.”  Yo, could someone show me where these gyms are?  Because the only people I see at my gym are fat girls and black guys and to the best of my knowledge they’re not having “secret liaisons” in the bathrooms.  Also if “your man returns from the gym too exhausted to talk or have sex” it doesn’t mean he’s gay, it means homeboy is tired from his work out!!  What is wrong with you?

6.  Clothes that are too tight and too “trendy”

“Gay men don’t need words to communicate their availability for sex “hook ups.” They silently broadcast the news by showing off their lean, hard bodies in designer clothing labels.”  I can’t even with this one.

7.  Strange sexual demands

“Fetishism is a sign that a man is seeking a harder thrill beyond the normal intimacy of heterosexual relations.”  Yo, just because a guy likes to get a little freaky between the sheets doesn’t mean he’s a ‘mo.  And what if you’re a gay guy who doesn’t like any of that stuff?  Does that mean he’s straight?  I’m so confused…not as confused as your gay husband, but confused all the same…

8.  More interested in the men than the women in pornographic films

“If he selects films because of specific male actors, this is an obvious sign that he is suffering from a crisis of ego and desire.”  Hell, if ANYBODY selects films for specific male porn actors, I’d think there was as problem.  Plus, have you SEEN the girls in straight porn?  I mean, they’re like, screeching all the time and making these weird noises and it’s just not pretty…I’d take a straight guy in those films over those sad sad girls any day – I don’t blame your husband for not wanting to look at them!

9.  Travels to big cities or Asia

“Is there ever really a good excuse for a husband to visit Thailand or San Francisco without his wife?”  I mean, this one had me laughing out loud it’s so absurd.  “Travels to big cities….or ASIA.”  ASIA.  lol…I can just see it now – “is your man straight?  He travels to rural towns or Russia.”

10.  Too many friendly young male friends

“ask yourself if he prefers their company to that of women. Do they touch each other or embrace in long hugs? Do they exchange expensive, personal gifts like scarves or cologne?”  Yo.  My young male friends have never given me a scarf OR cologne.  How come the gay husband is getting all of these things and I’m not?!  I feel jipped.

11.  Sassy, sarcastic, and ironic around his friends

Yeah, I can’t really argue this one. 

12.  Love of Pop Culture

“Gossip websites, Glee, and The Golden Girls are three well-documented icons of the gay movement that genuine heterosexual men avoid.”  I’ve seen like, three Golden Girls episodes in my entire life.  I don’t really know about this one…and Glee is universal.  You’re not gay if you like Glee, you’re just awesome.

13.  Extroverted about his bare chest in public

“Does he go shirtless in the back yard or at picnics when other men are around?”  Who the hell, gay or straight, goes shirtless at PICNICS?

“Does he wear a speedo at the beach?”  He’s not gay, he’s just European.

“Does it seem like he’s purposely standing right in the middle of a crowd to show off his chest and arm muscles, peppering people with questions about how strong he looks?”  He’s not gay, he’s just on steroids.

14.  Sudden heavy drinking

“Is there a strange odor about him when he returns, some strange mix of cigarettes and gel? Does he cry frequently?”  Bitch, he ain’t gay, he’s just married to a girl who reads websites with articles like “Is My Husband Gay?!!!!!!!”  I mean, really? 

15. Ladies, have you dated a man in the past who turned out to be gay?

I mean, number 15 should really just be titled “Are you a Fag Hag?” because they go on and on about this topic and it can really just be summed up in a five word question!  My favorite thing though is that the article ends with this sentence:  “Ultimately, it’s a question of getting your priorities straight!”

I mean…that one’s too easy, even for me.

Its Been a While… August 19, 2010

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…and it looks like….yup!

Still hate yer face!!

xo

Headlines August 17, 2010

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Tuesday Tuesday Tuesday.  Come get your Tuesday, right over hurr.  Some updates:

*We played Survivor again on Sunday with 22 of us in Central Park.  You remember Survivor, right?  Oh of course you do – that was the game I played with my friends where I got stabbed in the back and was voted out first, and then when we played AGAIN I was voted out second.  Well this time around…my bitch ass came in second place, losing by only 1 vote!!  I don’t know how it happened, I don’t know how I outlasted the people that were gunning for me to go home, but I did.  It was an awesome time, tons of fun, and emotionally and phyiscally draining.  If there’s one thing I learned, it’s that all bets are off with friends when you play that kind of shit.  I’ll post some pictures when I see some.

*I’m working my first album release party tonight.  It’s kind of a no-name artist, but it should be exciting all the same.  Happy that More-O will be there to support me.  Speaking of More-O…

*Don’t know what you’ve heard, don’t know who you’ve talked to but the rumors are true – I’m moving!  But not just anywhere, I’m moving in with More-O!  Big steps, big changes, all exciting.

*Last week before the Fire Island dodgeball tournament I lost my bag on a train.  Yes, my entire week’s luggage I left on the train to Fire Island.  I was answering a work email, not paying attention, and just spaced it.  I had nothing valuable in there, but I did have new hair product, new prescription glasses, and my favorite pair of jorts and flip flops.  I thought it was for sure gone for good.  Last week I got an email saying that an item matching my lost and found description was turned in.  All excited, I thought for sure it was my bag!  Cut to it not being my bag.  Well last night I got another email…I went in this morning and…IT WAS MY BAG!!!  Best I can tell everything is there but I’m just so happy to have my jorts back, you have no idea.

*Speaking of Fire Island…DC DOUG is visiting this weekend!  He will be accompanying all of us out there and I could NOT be more excited.  I haven’t seen this boy in over a year – my little heart is super happy he’ll be joining the fun and I can’t wait for him to meet More-O.  He’s definitely met his share of boyfriends over the years, and I’m hoping he’ll like him just as much as the others.  Well, of the ones he liked, at least.

Headlines are a funny thing.  Jay Leno (yeah, that hack) has a big feature on them every Monday.  I ran across a few today I thought were interesting.  I’d like to share them with you…now.

1. 

Having Teddy come out on 90210 is absolutely ridiculous.  The kid has dated everyone on the series…can we say “desperate for ratings?!”

2. 

Her laugh alone makes me want to punch Gia in the face, I can’t argue.  Last night was the infamous puke episode I was so excited about I MISSED THE FIRST 15 MINUTES when they showed it!  I caught up today but color me sad.

3.  Uh…no offense to my dear friend EVT who was IN a Tale of Two Cities but…did anyone really like it that much the first time around?

4. 

The website this was posted on?  Christwire.org.  The answer to your question?  YES.

5. 

I feel like you should never take advice from the Insane Clown Posse but then again….I also feel like you should never really hang out in places that the Insane Clown Posse are going to be…so I’m torn.

6.

Ew.  Just….ew.

Feel Good Friday August 13, 2010

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Sure….his eyes are a little too close together…and sure he’s dumb as a box of hair…and sure, his tattoo is awful and takes up the entire right side of his body…but hot damn do I love me some Lane from Big Brother.

Thank you Page Six for this lovely afternoon delight.

And now some treats for Heidi, because I know that she loves animals in clothing and…let’s face it…we all love animals in clothing.

Now doesn’t that just make waking up this morning worth it?

Happy Friday everyone!

Told Ya So August 12, 2010

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I so called it.

Congrats to my girl!