jump to navigation

The Bachelorette Recap – “Eat! His! Face!” May 31, 2011

Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
Tags:
3 comments

SNOOZE.

You, Smashley, are boooooooorrrrriiiiiing.  I mean, maybe it’s because girls are more drama than guys but cheese and rice people these first two episodes of the Smashelorette have been one massive nap.  And I’m going to go out on a limb and publicly call Smashley a ‘stupid ho’ because she got rid of my favorite guy this week.  But more on that later.

You bore me Chris Harrison.

A navy blue shirt from the man who brought us glorious Technicolor week after week?  You should be ashamed of yourself.

Waitaminute, this ass-hat is still around?

There was only one good thing that involved a mask and that was “The Mask.”  Jeff, my friend, you pale in comparison.

No opening of an episode is complete without some pensive looks to nowhere in particular.

How much do you want to bet she’s totally farting?

This guy was one of my favorites last week.

By the end of this episode though, my feelings were being tested by stupid comments he was making.  It looks like next week he makes Smashley cry so there is still hope he’ll get back in my good graces.

For the one-on-one date they went to Vegas where producers from ABC paid fans to pretend to be excited to see Shmash.

Really?  Homegirl’s not that famous ladies, calm down.

I’d kill a bitch if Smashley did this to me.

Seriously what was that date about?  Picking out wedding cake?  Rings?  Meeting the priest?!

I mean, is the first one-on-one date in this season of The Bachelorette seriously going to be getting married?  That can’t possibly be the case, can it?

IT CAN.

Of course they obviously didn’t really get married so…I guess I’m just confused on why they went and had a fake wedding on a first date.  Then again, I’m also confused how in the hell Smashley H. got to be the Bachelorette…ah well.  Questions for another day.

First she shoves cake in his face, forces him to marry her, and now she’s making him do physical labor?

Worst.  First date.  Ever.

What better way to pick this up than to tell her about how your alcoholic father is dead!?!?!

This guy is a party a minute.

Smashley was so touched Will told her that story…

…so she ate his face.

I have to admit, having dinner in the middle of the Belagio fountain with jets of water going off behind you IS kinda cool.

And it came complete with the fans who pretended to care!  She is one lucky girl.

What in the G-D Hell…..

Oh GAWD, these guys?

What IS it with masks this season?

No seriously!  WHAT is going on?!?!

Ew.  I’m embarrassed for you.  Your grandmother will be watching this show!!

Gawd, this ass-hat?!

Bentley continued on his ‘I wish it was Emily’ tirade this episode.  Seriously, just break her heart already and be done with it because I am dunzo with you.

I’m embarrassed for all of you.

And is that Smashley starting to make her hands into a heart?!  You know how much I love that.  I have a feeling that may be the new “back tattoo” of this season.  LOOK WHAT YOU STARTED TAYLOR SWIFT!!!

This guy does stuff to me.

He is SO CUTE.  So that means, of course, he’ll go home this week.  And we didn’t even get to see him shirtless.  Le sigh.

I can’t.

West wanted to really brighten the mood after the Jaberwokkies performance so he decided to tell Smashley about his dead wife.

Brotha couldn’t even WAIT until his one-on-one to tell her that.  He knew it would help his chances in staying.  And let’s be honest, there’s nothing that makes you want to tell your date about your dead wife than The Jaberwokeez!!!

This guy seriously is a douche.

Like, he’s seriously a Neanderthal.  So it makes perfect sense that…

he gets the first impression rose on the date.  Smashley you STOOOOPID.  Open Your Eyes, Girl!!!!

I kinda have a thing for JP too.

I actually felt bad he didn’t get chosen for the other one-on-one date.  Stupid coin!!!

Instead, we had to suffer through twenty minutes of coin-tossing and weird smiles with this ass.

Oh Mickey.  You are not so fine.

Is it just me or…

…was that one judge-y ass hawk?

I don’t remember why I screen grabbed this moment.

He was probably telling her about some dead family member though.  I mean, because that’s what everyone does on first dates.

Mickey got a rose and is sticking around so he was treated to a performance by that Colby Cheese chick.

And really.  He did not need to act so excited to be seeing Colby Cheese in concert.  We all know no one is excited to see Colby Cheese.  Smashley likes her though so naturally it made her want to…

…eat Mickey’s face.

That excitement carried over into the next day so she…

…ate JP’s face.  This girl is a perv, ladies and gentlemen.

C’mon Will!!  Do it!!  Say inappropriate things and make her cry!

Don’t make me wait until next week you rat bastard.

Bachelorette sitting in a dark hallway with candles and a guy wearing a mask.

Tooooooooootally natural.

We all know Bentley is an asshole and doesn’t care about Smashley at all.  This is common knowledge to us.  Smash seems to like him though so of course what is she going to do?  You guessed it – all together now!!

Eat!  His!  Faaaaaace!

That sounds like the greatest game show ever.

The Rose Ceremony was just plain confusing.  I mean, we all knew that Matt Morrison was going to get a rose

But so did this guy.  And to him I say…

“who?”

Josh Groban got a rose.

But Ryan.  My love, my love, my love…..

Did not.

SMASH.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???!!!!!  He is SO HOT!!  Ugh.  I love him so much.

Is it too much to hope he’ll be the next Bachelor?!

Next week might bring some excitement.  Of course it is going to include Smashley eating some faces

but it was also teased that Bentley may break Smash’s heart!

Happy Days…..are here again!!!!!!

Advertisements

Glee-Cap May 25, 2011

Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
Tags:
2 comments

Oh Glee, what am I ever going to do with you?

Season 2 has been one massive roller coaster of ups (anything and everything Santana, Gwenyth in the beginning, the Warblers in the beginning) and downs (anything and everything Shuester, Gwenyth in the end, the Warblers in the end) but in the end I managed to find something redeemable about nearly every single episode.  Last night’s episode though, I mean…that shit put me through it.  I literally hated the episode when I watched it last night.  Just sat there with a massive stank on my face.  When I re-watched so I could recap it, well….I didn’t hate it as much.  Sure it’s a mess of an episode and one of the worst season finales this show will probably ever do but…I mean, it was filmed in my city!  I can’t hate the episode forever!

Yup, hi New York.

Yeah, I WISH Times Square was ever that empty.  Every time I happen to walk through there I’m molested by tourists – you lucked out Rachel!

What in the name of all that is holy is Kurt wearing?

Kurt is TGTF – Too Gay To Function.  That sandwich looks pretty good though.

Hey Shue – I hate your hat.

AND you look tiny standing next to Finn.  So there.

Can someone explain to me again why they flew all the way from Ohio just to sit up in their hotel rooms writing songs for the finale?

I really don’t approve of this whole “Original Song” thing STILL going on.  It’s like – we’ve done that.  I’d be happier if they went back to Journey songs.

As More-O so expertly pointed out last night…

Stupid Will Shuester literally took a cab one block from the hotel to the theater.  He was probably too busy thinking about how much he loves those kids, the perv.

I loved “My Cup,”

but haven’t we already had “My Headband?”  And there was another one, like “My Comb” or something.  We get it.  That’s funny.  Ha.

I had read before this episode that there was a ‘mash-up to top all mash-ups.’  Well, I Love New York/New York, New York was not that mash-up.  It was just aight.  But it is kinda stuck in my head today so I guess they carried out their mission.  By the way, I wish that every time I walked by the fountain at Lincoln Center they would erupt for me too.

Stupid Santana.  Sad face.

Please note:

Tourists come from all over the world to line up outside this Abercrombie and Fitch.  I tried to buy a swimsuit there and literally refused to wait in line.  Plus it’s so dark in there, it’s like a really expensive Haunted House.  Loud music, strange smells, no light.  Totally makes sense.

I thought Santana liked girls.

So why is she flirting with a cop?

This is so stupid.

Why in gay hell are they carrying balloons and flowers?  Makes no sense.

The day they filmed this, I watched the Times Square camera online for like, 45 minutes watching this scene.

Looking back it was probably not the best way to spend my time.

I was quite concerned for Artie rolling his wheelchair around the fountain.

The only thing that would have made this scene better would have been if he fell in.

PILLOW FIGHT!!!!

They should have been in their bras and panties for this scene.  That totally would have made it worthwhile.

Upon first listen, I didn’t hate the song that Matt Morrison sang in the theater.

It had kind of a nice melody and I liked the instruments in the background.  Sure it made no sense in the scene whatsoever and was simply used so Matthew could promote his solo career but whatever, it was a nice song.

Oh, whoops.  Spoke too soon.  Now I hate it.

“You got talent, kid!”

I mean, I literally could have predicted that scene word for word.

Gawd, these two again?

I really feel like he fell for her again just waaaaaaaaay too fast.  Like, give it a second of everyone being single.  Because you, Glee, are starting to become a little too PREDICTABLE.

I personally prefer the Sardi’s scene from Muppets Take Manhattan to this one.

Cute little cameo by Patti LuPone though.

Oh Bla Di, Oh Bla Da, Life Goes On, BRA!!!!

Uh…isn’t Bedford street in BROOKLYN?

Why are they in Brooklyn.  And more importantly, WHY ARE THEY SCREWING UP A SONG FROM LADY AND THE TRAMP??!!!

This would have been a perfect opportunity for Kurt and Rachel to sing “Moon River.”

But that would have, you know, made too much sense.

Let’s go to sing WICKED instead!!!

I gotta give them props though because it did end up being the best part of the entire episode and watching them sing it on the actual Broadway set was kiiiiiiiiiinda cool.

That security guard though?  Please.  Their asses would have been kicked out ASAP.

Love Brittany for faces like this.

And I’m happy that they gave the three bitches a scene together.

I really feel like they’ve kinda thrown away the fact that the three of them used to be best friends.  It might be something of use to, I don’t know, explore that in the future?  Writers?  You wanna hop on that, or does that make too much sense?

I really like Cheyenne Jackson as Dustin.

He’s v. v. cute.  And, like, ten times a better actor than Matt Morrison.

Yeah Shue, I said it.  Why don’t you go talk some more about how much you ‘love your kids’ you big perv.

This scene was cute.

Puck being the first one to hug Shue.  I bet you Shue enjoyed it……a lot.

Oh GAWD, these two again?

And why is it they always meet in the bathroom?  And why is it Charice has been in like, two episodes all season?  And why is it she doesn’t know how to speak English?  And why is it her face got so fat?  And why is it Rachel is trying to help her do well on stage?  And why is it I feel like I’ll never get answers to these questions?  Rachel – give me a thumbs up if you think I’m not going to ever get answers to these questions.

Sigh.  C’est la vie.

Vocal Adrenaline sang.

And we all yawned.

I was very happy that Finn and Rachel didn’t come walking out from the audience.

Because that is more tired than the bags under Jonathan Groff’s eyes.

Bitch who you trying to fool?  You didn’t come back for Rachel, you came back for Shue!!!  Perv.

Pervs!!!

Geez, what is in the air with everyone?!?!

I did enjoy the kiss, it seemed like one of the only ‘real’ things in this episode. I could totally see Finn and Rachel getting caught up in the moment and let me tell you that moment was awwwwwwwkward.

I would like to apologize to Naya Rivera for this screen grab.

I would also like to apologize to Dianna Agron for this screen grab.

Sorry!  Love the new hair though.

Did we like New Directions’ song?

It was basically a Diet “Loser Like Me.”  Can we please move on from the original songs now people?!?  PLEASE??!!!

So news flash New Directions didn’t even place at Nationals and the only person that cared was Blaine.

Who acted REALLY gay in the one scene he had.  Let’s butch it up a bit Mr. Criss. And what’s going on with that hair?

I really wish I had been in the hotel room when Santana flipped out.

And yes, in that situation I totally would have been the Santana.  Lima Heights Adjacent reference and all.

Well hellllllllooooo, what do we have here?!?!

A little Ebony and Ivory action?!  Didn’t see that one coming!  Oh wait, yes I did last week at Prom.  Duh.

I like Brittany and Santana SO much better as friends than as lovahs.

Can we please keep it that way?

Ugh.  These two again.

I give it two episodes.

Ugh.  These two again.

I give it about NINETY more episodes before they finally get together.

Tell me this – what the hell was Quinn’s evil plan and why is she so happy to see Finn and Rachel together?

Talk about a DROPPED STORYLINE.  But that, my friends, is the theme of Glee. Well, that and bringing amazing people on the show (Cheyenne, J. Groff, Idina) and SEVERELY underutilizing their talents and vocal abilities.  Cheyenne didn’t sing ONCE!!!!!  J. Groff had ONE song in the last three episodes and it was a bad Adele cover!  WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME GLEE!!!!

I’m happy to see Glee go for the season.

Okay, that’s a lie.  I shall miss it.  But good GOD people, get some rest, take some time off and TRY to have some cohesive storylines next season for pete’s sake!  Aight, I’m out.  I’m heading to Breadstix.  H.A.G.S. everyone!  K.I.T.!!!!!!!

Bachelor Recap: Here we go Again…. May 24, 2011

Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
Tags:
add a comment

Why

Welcome to another season of

I don’t know if you’ve heard the rumors but the new Bachelorette isn’t Emily, like we all hoped it would be.  Nope, Nope, it’s Smashley H. and

But I mean, we work with what we’ve been given in life and we’ve been given Smashley.  It’s not like I’m going to just not recap the Bachelorette because it’s her.  No, no, that’s silly.  And who knows, maybe she’ll turn out to surprise us all and be really funny and awesome (probably not).  All I know is that I miss Back Tattoo and Chantodo Dragon’s teets already.  Good for us though, we were given insight into last season and how Smashley MUCKED it all up by being stupid and nervous and paranoid.

But now she’s back!  Oh yes, She.  Is.  Back.  With a brand new darker ‘do and looking more pensive than ever.

And apparently now Smashley is no longer just a dentist but she’s also a dancer too!

I’m sorry…has she always been a dancer?  I’m confused.

Wait…dentist?  (could they have found any gayer of a kid to sit in that chair by the way?)

Or dancer.  Bitch needs to make up her damn mind.  I know someone who might be able to help us figure out just WHAT Smashley is.  A man with all the technicolor in the world, a man with all the answers….CHRIS HARRISON LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!!

Yup, that ass-hat is back.  But where the hell is your Technicolor button down, Harrison???!!!!

Before the 25 bachelors meet Smash, Chris introduces us to a few of the guys that we know will make it past the first round.  Waitaminute…clip packages of the contestants?  I think you know what that means…

SHIRTLESS RUNNING ON THE BEACH!!!

This is the Matt Morrison lookalike.  According to him he invented solar power and believes in love.


You gotta fucking be kidding me with that shot.

I’m sorry for the language but…I just can’t with that making your hands into a heart bullshit.  LOOK WHAT YOU STARTED TAYLOR SWIFT!

Apparently Frankenstein made it through the audition process to be a contestant…

As did Josh Groban.

The guy from Utah (who apparently turns out to be a dickhead and breaks Smashley’s heart) named his kid Cozy.

I don’t mean to make fun of children but…that’s a stupid ass name.

YAY!  More shirtless running!!!

Oh wait…this one’s a widower…okay…nevermind…let’s all look pensive together, shall we?

So sad.  I bet you he’s REAL pissed Emily isn’t the new Bachelorette – if that was the case, he would have had it in the bag!

I really like this next guy.

I dunno.  There was just something about him in the first clip package that, even though he’s a cell-phone salesman (read:  works in a Sprint store), made me want to sit by a fire with Chris Harrison and clutch my hands to my chest over how cute he is.

I particularly appreciate the three, specifically placed candles on top of the fireplace.  Do you think there is one person who is employed by ABC and is, like, “The Candle” guy?  If so, I’d like to be him.

Time to meet the guys!!!!

Matt Morrison is up first and of COURSE Smash loved him.

I would be willing to bet high amounts of money (just as I was with Emily) that he will be in the top 2, if not win the whole shebang.

This guy picked up the Smash.

Stick around a little longer and I bet he’ll pick up something else too.

Can someone please tell me what the hell I’m looking at?

I mean, WHAT is that smile?

This guy rapped to Smashley.

I, in turn, put my face in my hands and was horribly embarrassed for him.  Tupac Shukur he is not, my friends.

This guy kinda gave me butterflies when I saw him step out of the limo and give Smashley that first smile…

I think he’s cute and he seems genuine so of course he goes home.  Honestly, why do we let Smashley make her own decisions?

Frankstein wants to take Smash to the ballet.  That’s cool dude but what is up with your suit/pant combo?

The blue jacket with the purple tie with the dark khaki…it’s like someone wearing a mask dressed you.  Oh wait.


I mean, can we talk about the mask?  What the what is that all about?  I get what he was going for with it but to keep it on the entire time?  This isn’t “Mr. Personality” where Monica Lewinsky hosts and everybody wears a mask!  No!  This is Chris Harrison’s territory!  I’m surprised he even let this guy get away with that shit!  Though on the flip side of things, if I looked like this without a mask I would wear one too.

CRAZY EYES.

Another guy tried to pick up Smashley.

You know, I saw this happen on RuPaul’s Drag Race one time and that ladyboy got sent home so I don’t know why it’s all of a sudden okay in “Bachelor” land.  Is it a straight people thing?

This is the creep that is disappointed it’s Smashley and wants to stay just so he can break her heart.

It’s okay Bentley, I’m disappointed it’s Smashley too.

Oh stop it, you’ll be fine.  You know why?

ORGY!!!!

Yeah everybody now, take off your clothes!!!

This guy wanted to call his mom during his first conversation with Smashley, at which point she said “I like mama’s boys.”

Bitch I don’t know if you know this but Mama’s boys don’t kills spiders.  So you betta run.

NO!  I said ‘run’ not ‘get closer to his penis!’  Sigh…this girl will never learn.

Hey, that’s what I want to do when I see guys trying to impress girls by playing guitar, too!

Ugh.  No.

Meet Tim, ladies and gentlemen.

Tim likes to drink.  A lot.  No, like…a LOT.  Maybe it has something to do with…I dunno…the fact that

HE’S A LIQUOR DISTRIBUTOR?!?!  I mean, I don’t know if it’s the greatest thing that an alcoholic is a liquor distributor but, at the very least, you know he’ll be able to get you drunk!

Smashley had a hard time waking up Tim after he passed out.

Now, I know from experience it can be hard to wake up someone who is passed out on the couch but she barely tried!  She spoke to him in this mousy voice, didn’t even grab his shoulders and shake him!  So I think we all knew what was coming next…

Bye Bye Tim!!!  Nice to have known you!

This guy and Smashley were really cute together and had adorable conversation.

Plus he’s from New York and is nicknamed ‘Cupcake!’  What’s not to like!?

Obviously we all knew Matt Morrison was going to get the First Impression Rose.

Although last season Smashley got the First Impression Rose so we can at least gather that First Impression Rose does not = quality person.

I know Frankenstein, it’s a hard concept to swallow.  Stick with me, I’m almost done.

Thanks to the fact that Tim went home, almost every guy got a rose at the ceremony except for….

THE CUTE CANADIAN!!!!  Look how adorable he is!!!  And he’s Canadian!!  And he’s….I mean, that’s all we really learned about him but he’s sooooooo cute!!!  Major sad face.  Even MORE of a sad face that we didn’t even get a goodbye from him!  Sigh….we did get to see some emotional breakdowns from a few rejected guys though.  Like Jersey.

And cute Michigan boy.

And this guy.

Ta Ta gentlemen, we barely knew ye and we shall never know ye again!!  Unless you end up participating on “Bachelor Pad.”  But then, and only then.

We were treated to some scenes from the upcoming season which included, but was not limited to….making out…

…pensive looks in tropical locations…

…and Smashley crying over a broken heart in her bed.


But one thing I can say was noticeably missing from the season preview was…a giant back tattoo.  And that, my friends well,

See you next time!!!

How I Met Your Mother…I mean…Adele. May 23, 2011

Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
Tags: ,
2 comments

This is the story of how I met Internationally successful recording artist Adele

and how Adele, in turn, gave me tickets to her show the next night.  I mean…WHAT??!!!

So last Friday, More-O and I had made plans to hit the gym together and then go to dinner.  Due to the fact that he forgot his gym shorts and didn’t really feel like working out in his jeans, we left the gym earlier than planned.  I thought we were going straight to dinner, he said he wanted to go all the way home first to drop off his bags.  As we were discussing this idea (he says ‘pouting’ I say ‘speaking passionately’) we saw a girl walk out of a restaurant to have a smoke.  I don’t think anything of it but he sees her and says ‘that’s Adele, by the way.’

Now keep in mind that I love, love, love Adele.  Her new album makes me feel feelings on a daily basis.  If it was any other day I probably would have spotted her.  But due to the fact that I was distracted (not pouting) and she looked like this

I totally missed it.  Thankfully I had More-O with me otherwise this story might not have even happened!

It’s probably easiest to just give you the script of what happened.

More-O:  By the way, that’s Adele

Me:  Shut the fu*k up!!

Me (to Adele):  Hi, I’m sorry but I hate you because you are amazing and I have been trying to get tickets to your shows in New York but they sold out so fast and I love you and you are amazing.

Adele:  *laughs* Awww, thank you, thank you.  (says something but I wasn’t really paying attention because I was freaking talking to ADELE).  What’s your name?

Me:  Brian.

Adele (pulls out Blackberry):  What’s your second name?

Me:  Bahr.

Adele:  I’m putting you on the list for tomorrow night’s show.  (looks at More-O) Plus 1?

More-O:  Yeah! (I later learned his excitement was just a ruse because he ended up not going to the show with me but I’m happy he got me a plus 1)

Then I talked to Adele a bit about how, after seeing her on Chelsea Lately, I wanted to be best friends with her…Steve talked about how she was all over our Facebook feed the day of her first concert, I told her she was amazing again, thanked her, and we were on our way.

Needless to say, after this encounter More-O and I were freaking out for a good two hours.  I mean, to not only meet the Artist with the #1 album and single in the world right now, but to then have said artist GIVE YOU tickets to her show the following evening?  Totally unheard of!!!

The show itself was amazing.  We had great seats, sat next to ?uestlove from The Roots, sat in the same row as her mom and best friend and basically my friend Nick and I just sat there and absorbed the amazingness that is Adele.  She was spot on pitch every single note and sang with such passion and emotion it was a religious experience.  Homegirl took me to church.  If you don’t know Adele, especially her second album “21,” you are severely missing out.  Like, you’re stupid.  Like, missing chromosomes stupid.

Stop reading this now and go buy her album.  Go!  And then be back here tomorrow for my recap of the new season of The Bachelorette!!!

Glee-Cap May 18, 2011

Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
Tags:
1 comment so far

Aw c’mon Glee, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS?!?!?!

I mean, how in the world can I possibly make fun of this episode?!  Like, really?  Really?!  Not only a funeral but a special ed funeral with props and Willy Wonka songs?  That’s just not fair.  The past day has been filled with emotions and last night did nothing to help me maintain an even disposition.  My chin was literally quivering as I tried to not start SOBBING on the couch.  And yeah, re-watching at work?  Not much better.  I managed to pull it together long enough to eke out a Glee-cap though.

Ah hell, these two ass-hats?

That Jesse St. James is up to no good, I’m telling you.

Yeah Lauren I know, totes shady.  What I can’t believe is that it is one week before Nationals – NATIONALS – and they are still trying to put songs together?!  Ummmmmm….shouldn’t you have been practicing this all season long?  Like, stop giving Gwenyth Paltrow so many solos and get your act together people!

Howard Bamboo, ladies and gentlemen.

Who, like Panda Express, isn’t Chinese.  Good to know.

Poor, poor Becky.

Kicked off the Cheerios all because Sue can’t handle her emotions.  Good thing Mr. Shue is going to let her join Glee Club though!

Oh wait.  Nevermind.

I thought that Jane Lynch gave a very powerful performance in this episode.

Most people don’t like it but I love seeing all the different layers to Sue Sylvester.  It makes her less of a charichture and more of a character.

Did you guys miss close-up shots of Rachel’s bangs at all?

Yeah, me neither.

Stalker.

Seriously.  Why don’t you go stalk Uncle Jesse and bring him back to the show!  I miss him…

I love Kurt’s shirt.

While I’m not into many of Kurt’s other fashion choices (backless leather blouses and paisley pants to name tw0) I can totally get behind stripes.  Who knows, maybe I’m just going through a sailor phase.

Really loved Santana singing “Back to Black.”

Loved it even more watching it a second time around.  That girl knows how to serve.  It.  Up.

Okay, what the hell, are these two dating now?

Gayest.  American Idol.  Judging Panel.  Ever.

Speaking of gay…

Get off the stage homo!!  No one wants to hear Gypsy!!

And WHERE ARE YOUR TEETH?

Get off your knees homo!!

Mercedes brought me to church with her performance of “Try a Little Tenderness.”

And Mr. Shue, of course, loved it.

He loves everything.  A day is not complete unless he ‘woo’s’ 50 times.  He makes me

But, on the flip side, someone who gets my heart racing?

But I mean, that’s obvious.  Someone else who gets my heart racing?

When Finn gives those cute little looks to the camera I mean, *swoon*!

Rachel, of course, brought it home with her solo.

When that girl sings Barbara she can literally do no wrong.  Especially when she brings the solo Lauren Conrad tear into the mix.

Yes girl, get it.

Oh boy.

And heeeeeeere comes the waterworks.

Very, very cute of the kids to put mushrooms and chocolate fountains by Jean’s casket.  I mean, does this show know how to pull at your heartstrings or what?

Sue getting up to read her eulogy was just…ugh.  Killed me.  But then the moment killed me even more when she couldn’t continue on and ass-hat got up and read it for her.

Mr. Shue – allllllways making it about him.

Ugh.  Stop being sweet!!  You’re going to make me like you!

I know that they tried to make the funeral a celebration of her life instead of focusing on her death but I mean, really Quinn and Mercedes?

Maybe it’s just me but isn’t wearing hot pink and bright red to a funeral a little, I don’t know, innaprop?!

No matter what color she wore though, Quinn didn’t deserve being broken up with in a car.

I’ve had that happen to me too Quinny, and it sucks!  Nice job with the Lauren Conrad tear though.

As if I wasn’t emotional enough while watching this episode twice, Hulu haaaaad to go and show a commercial for a lady that got something like 300,000 emails/texts/calls for her 100th birthday.  I don’t know, it was something Sprint put together to advertise a phone.  Homegirl got all emotional and….you know I did too.

Come on people, give my heart a break.

Argh!  Sue making Becky Cheer Captain and then HUGGING her?!?!?  Yer killing me here.

You better go with your French Manicure though Becky.

Get it girl.

So now Sue’s nice to Will and won’t try and screw over the Glee Club anymore?  Is that what I’m gathering?

I’m very curious to see how this affects her character and the show in general because we allll know what happens when they make a character nice on this show.

Yup!  Teri’s moving to Miami!  Bienvienido Ai Miami!  Adios!

Creeper!  Stalker!!

Yo Emma!  Stealing one of Mr. Shue’s vests and making it your own by putting broaches on it isn’t cute, it’s creepy!  Word.

Oh hell, these two again?

And of course Finn saw.  That love triangle again!?  Snooze.  And why have Jesse in the episode and not let him sing?  He should sing every chance he gets.  But nooooo – Glee’s too busy killing off special ed people and making me cry!  The bastards.

So next week is Nationals.  And original songs again?  And Mr. Shue wants them to all write a song on the plane to New York?

This club seriously is the WORST with planning ahead.

So yeah.  Bye Bye Bye to Jean, Rachel and Jesse again, Mr. Shue has a stalker, and Quinn’s a bitch again and plotting to destroy everyone.

Just a normal day in Lima, Ohio!!!!

Can’t wait to see Glee run down the same streets that I’ve walked and sing in the same places I’ve….well…I don’t know that I’ve sang at Lincoln Center or Central Park but…whatever.  You know what I mean.  And hey – it’s that kind of a day.  Hug the one you love.  Go on – do it now.  Do it for me.  Do it for you.  But most of all, do it for Glee.

The Bachelorette – First Impressions May 12, 2011

Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
Tags:
3 comments

Earlier this Spring, I decided on a whim to recap an episode of “The Bachelor.”  What I didn’t realize is that this would start a worldwide phenomenon and people would be coming from all over to read BriTunes’ recaps.  I wasn’t sure if I was going to recap the new season of “The Bachelorette” starring Smashley H

but after seeing the newly released pictures of the 25 DUDS she’s going to be wooing, I think it’s safe to say I shall be putting my two cents in.  Before the season starts though, I thought it best to take a look at what we’ve got to work with and pick them apart physically.  There’s some hotties to be sure, but some NOTTIES to be certain.  Unfortunately for Smashley though, I think ABC is playing a trick on her because they threw in some gay guys into the mix.

Gay.  Fivehead.  Silver shirt, really?  Is this 1995?

Gay.  (Plus he’s wearing a Maroon shirt.  No.)

Frat Boy Gay.

I mean this guy just has “Crazy Gay” written all over him.  He’s giving so much gay face he needs a new word for ‘gay face.’

This next guy is like, a mix of many things.  He’s got some gay in there, he’s got some Guido, but most of all he’s got some TEETH.

This next guy is a hair stylist.  I think we need to have a hair intervention with him…

This guy isn’t awful but he’s giving me so much cheese I have indigestion.

Hi.  We’re not 45 and this isn’t a beach in Venice.  And who ever told you that dyed blonde hair and soul patches were still in?

I don’t know what I can’t more with this guy – his face or the awful plaid his shirt is presenting.

No stripey, just no.

You give this guy a rose?  He steals your bike.  That’s just the way it works.

One word:  Eyes.

Where do I even start with this next guy?

Who let Quasimodo out of his bell tower?

Adios, amigo.

Frankenstein, what?

And nowwwwwww for the cute guys.

Unless this guy is a psycho, he totally wins.

I’m definitely digging what this guy is giving.

It’s a little too “Matthew Morrison” for me though.  Seriously, just stick a fro on him and he’s Mr. Shuester.

The hair is a ‘no’ and he’s kinda giving crazy eyes, but I’m not mad at this guy.

You know what leather jacket means!!!!!  BAD BOY.

Definitely cheese, definitely wrong color of shirt, but definitely cute.

I left a few guys out but they were too boring to even comment on.  Seriously.  I was like ‘how can I make fun of them’ but they were too plain even for MY jokes.  So who will win?  Who will cause some drama?  Who even wants to date Smashley anyway?

We’ll find out soon!!!!

Glee-Cap May 11, 2011

Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
Tags:
add a comment

You know who I’m kinda over?  Uma Thurman.  I don’t know why.  I’m just over her.

Okay, random thought of the day out of the way it’s time for….GLEE PROMMMMMM!!!!!  Time for hotel rooms!!  Drunken limo adventures!  Scantily dressed ladies!  Wait…no?  Glee prom isn’t like that?  Oh well.  I guess we’ll have to settle for this guy.

He’s so creepy.  He like, puts the ‘eepy’ in ‘creepy.’  I would not be surprised to, after Glee’s run is done, see him as a rapist in some Lifetime television for women and gay men movie.  Also able to play a rapist/woman abuser?

Dayum Mark you done be lookin’ OLD!  I guess not everyone can be eternally youthful looking like myself.

I very much appreciated Sue calling out “Run Joey Run” and the “Hair/Crazy In Love” mash-up as songs New Directions should never do ever again.

Although I have to confess…I actually like “Run Joey Run.”  I sometimes run to it at the gym.  Sue’s got a great idea though – I’d love to see the rest of her list.  I’m assuming it includes “Cause You’re Having My Baby,” “Thong Song,” and anything from the Acafellas.

Clearly Will is a fan of all of those songs.

Oh, so sad, Mercedes doesn’t have a date for Prom.  Guess she has a night full of tots and crying into her pillow to look forward to!!!

But wait!!  Rachel doesn’t have a date either!  Rachel to the rescue!  Mercedes’ shirt accurately describes how I feel about this plot point.

Okay, that’s actually a lie.  I kinda like this plot point.  That shirt is ridic though.  And I’m not even going to MENTION the bright pink thigh-hugging tights homegirl is wearing in that scene (although I guess I kinda did).

Gay.

He seriously looks awful.  Why is he slathering on white face makeup?

Rachel’s awesome plan for prom dates?

Buy Sam!!  He’s poor, he needs the money!  Problem solved!  All I gotta say is that this is one reeeeeally kinky threesome.

And f’real?  You can have afford lavish costumes and a stage that is essentially ONE BIG POOL but you have to get flowers for your corsage from MERCEDES’ MOM’S GARDEN?!  C’mon.

Next up on FOX 13, “When Big Birds Attack.”

Followed by an all new “Family Guy” and “The Most Perfect Character in All the Land.”

Yeah Santana/Satan, I’m talking to you baby.

Okay.  Let’s talk about the “Rolling in the Deep” performance.

When I first heard they were doing this, I got reeeeeeally excited.  Love me some Adele and honestly “Rolling in the Deep” is probably my favorite song of hers at the moment.  I thought “that’s awesome.  This song works perfectly.  I wonder who will sing it.”  I found out that Rachel and Jesse were singing it and I got even MORE excited.  “There’s no way those two can screw it up, no way at all.”  Oh how wrong I was.

Things I liked:  Rachel starting the song by herself acapella.  Jesse starting his part by standing in the doorway.

Things I didn’t like:  Everything else.  Why, oh why, oh WHY did they not include any music?  I get what they were going for but the song would have been SO much more powerful if we even had a basic piano or guitar.  It just felt so Diet Coke I did not approve.

And apparently the Prom’s decorations committee is made up of black guys and overweight nerds.

That girl in the background is Lauren Zises 2.0.

I did approve of Lea’s looks at Jesse the entire song.  She was giving some good face.

But as a whole….sigh….it was just very flat for me.  Oh and yes, Jesse did totally say ‘lay your shit bare’ during the song.  I’ve rewatched and rewound.  That shit was obvious!

Clearly Jonathan Groff is going to the “Mark Salling School of How to Look Young On Camera.”

Yeek.

I have to give the writers props.  I know!  I know!  I’m applauding the worst part of this show!  But having Jesse come back was totally the perfect catalyst for Finn to fall in love with Rachel again.

Even though they are broken up, Finn still cares for Rachel.  And knowing how mean Jesse was to Rachel brings out the protective side in Finn which will, of course, turn into “I still love you.”  Good job writers.  At least you can do something right!

Really?  The BullyWhips are still happening?

Love love LOVED Miss Santana’s “Attention teen gay:  It is not safe to walk to the next checkpoint” line.  Totally brilliant.

Less Brilliant?

Artie singing “Isn’t She Lovely” to Brittany in home ec class.  Props to Mercedes for mentioning that this song was written for his daughter and that it’s kinda creepy to sing to a girl you’re trying to woo.

I also very much enjoyed when the boys came in to help Artie on musicality and Brittany’s reaction was so cute and organic.

And of course Sam was his usually adorable, poor self.

But then Finn had to go on and play those damn drums again.

We GET IT!  Cory Monteith can play the drums!!  O-VER it.

Gay.

Crying gay.

(Seriously Max Adler.  Stick to playing the mean bully.  Nobody bought your crying scene).

Quinn Fabray is totally perfection.  I would totally vote for her for Prom Queen.

Although in that picture she’s kinda giving me Katie Holmes/Stroke face.  Seriously.  Why is half of her face drooping?

Cute of Finn to get a corsage with a ribbon that matches her eyes.

Too bad it clashes with that bitch’s dress!!!

I love that they all went to Breadstix for their pre-prom dinner.

For my Junior prom we went to an Italian restaurant where my date spilled french dressing on her dress and I may have laughed at her.  But that’s just because I think people spilling things on themselves is funny!  Might I also mention that my date was my ex-girlfriend who had broken up with me a few weeks before but we still decided to go to prom together.  Yeahhh…..she didn’t think the french dressing thing was so funny.

Okay!!!  I’m sorry!!  Jeez Sam and Mercedes, you guys are so judgmental.

Time for prom!  Let’s all clink our glasses together but make sure we show Jesse drinking coffee to remind the viewers that he is a year older than all of our Glee kids!!!

No need to show the coffee people, his face shows his age for you.

Sam.  WHAT is up with your hair.

Mullet-chic is SO not in this year.  You know what is in though?

Friday, Friday, Friday.

Initially I was like ‘okay WHAT are they doing singing Friday on Glee.’  But you know, I kinda didn’t hate it.  It was fun, silly, stupid, and the guys sounded good.  Artie’s rap part was brilliant.  It was the first time I’ve heard that song and didn’t want to jump off a bridge.  Brava.

My favorite song from the entire episode was Rachel singing “Jar of Hearts.”  Pretty, haunting, dramatic.  Prom wouldn’t be complete without a good slow-dance ballad.  Also a necessity at prom?

HAIR TENDRILS!!!

The song was also the perfect moment for Finn to creepily stare at Rachel.

Santana and Karofsky were awesome slow dancers.

Loved her longing looks at the passing girls.  I’m starting to not hate on Lezzie Santana!  You get it girl.

One of my favorite parts of the entire episode was the exchange during Sam and Mercedes:

Sam:  Mercedes?  I just want to say that you look beautiful tonight.  Will you dance with me?

SO CUTE.  Make them a couple!!!!!!!!

Who’s ready for some more creepy eyes towards Rachel?!?!

Me!  Me!  I am!  I am!

Prom isn’t Prom without the nerd in the wheelchair poisoning the punch.

Seriously, what is that?  Arsenic?

I’m also confused about the look of pleasure on his face while Sue is torturing him.

Me thinks Artie might be into some kinky shit!  And I thought the Mercedes/Rachel/Sam threesome was odd!

Ya’ll know I love me some Blaine.  But what the hell is he doing with his legs during this song?

Stop it Blaine.  Stop it right now.  It’s bad enough you’re singing a shitty song at prom, don’t you start with the ‘faux rocker’ legs.

We all know that Finn is still in love with Rachel.  And apparently Rachel can forgive Jesse really fast for throwing eggs at her.  But Finn doesn’t forgive as fast and you know what that mean…..FIST FIGHT!!!!!!!

Take off their shirts and throw them in a pool filled with baby oil and you’ve got me sold.

Kurt was named Prom Queen and he was not happy about it.  When I heard the news though, my face was more in line with the guy on Kurt’s left.

I mean, I get it.  I see where they were going.  But it’s soooo obvious.  And why was Kurt sad?  Seriously – I would be happy if I was named prom queen.  There was no need for the Ugly Cry.

Pretty Pretty Princess!!!

So Finn and Jesse get kicked out of the prom and Quinn doesn’t win queen and she thinks it’s Rachel’s fault so you know what that means…

GIRL FIGHT!!!!!!

Just stick them in some bathing suits and a pool filled with Jell-O and it would make the scene so much better.  I was really excited for this fight.  But then they majorly COPPED OUT and Quinn apologized DIRECTLY after hitting Rachel!  What?!  No, No, No.  I did not approve of this choice.  If you’re going to hit Rachel, HIT HER!  Stand by your choice!  Don’t apologize right after, even if you ARE in the wrong!  It just felt weak to me.

Loved the sad Santana scene and the quote about ‘moving to New York and living in a small lesbian community.  Or TriBeCa.’

Please don’t make Brittany and Santana a couple, please don’t make Brittany and Santana a couple, please don’t make Brittany and Santana a couple…

“Here Quinn.  You seem like you might need this giant Maxi-Pad.”

Bleh.  Moving on.

I thought that Principal Figgins was really cute when crowing Kurt.

But I needed more from Kurt than “Kate Middleton eat your heart out.”  Like a song and dance number.  Or a scene from “Carrie.”

Karofsky, don’t you even worry about not wanting to dance with Kurt in front of your entire school.

You find me a gay boy that WANTS to dance with Kurt and I’ll….oh hell.

Blaine you can do BETTER!!!!!!  It gets BETTER!!!!!

Kinky.

So wait….these two are back together now?  I’s confused.

Really?  “Dancing Queen” as the Prom King and Queen’s first dance?  And now two homos are dancing to it?

Predictable.

Lauren ended up looking good.  Puck?

I’ll allow the picture to speak for itself.  And who is doing the lighting for these pictures?  Awful.

My favorite part of the prom was when everyone got crushed under thousands of balloons.

Seriously.  Hire the guy from Glamour Shots.

Hire my dog.  Anyone can do better than this guy.

I’m glad that everyone is having such a good time at the prom.

Ummmmmm…..did you NOT forget that Finn and Jesse got KICKED OUT?  Are you not going to follow them and see if they are okay?  Or are you content with dancing to ABBA and getting your picture taken?  I mean, I know I would be but…whatever.  That’s beside the point.  I’m glad that the writers seemed to just forget about the two boys with no mention of them for the rest of the episode.  It’s like Jesse and Kelly from Saved By the Bell’s Senior year!  They were there one day and the next, they weren’t. I knew I shouldn’t have given those writers a compliment earlier.  You give them an inch and they take a mile.  Sheesh!

Ugh.  I gotta go.  My mom is here to pick my date and I up from the prom.

Book of Mormon – In Review May 10, 2011

Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
Tags:
4 comments

“Hello would you like to change religions I’ve got a free book written by Jesus!”

I know that I’ve been promising my “Book of Mormon” review for a few days now.  Initially I thought I would review it the day after I saw it, so last Friday.  But I was on such a “Book of Mormon” high that I thought perhaps my opinion may be skewed because I had just seen it the night before.  So I waited.  Over the weekend I went to Fire Island and it was a wonderful conversation piece with people that I met – like a secret “I Saw Book of Mormon” club.  Yesterday, Monday, I was going to write about my experience seeing the show but the soundtrack was streaming on NPR.com so of course I had to spend all day just obsessively listening to it over and over.  So now today is Tuesday (late afternoon) and I am going to try and attempt to put my complete and utter LOVE for this show into words.

For those who don’t know, I lived in Utah for nine years as a young adult.  During that time (High School Graduation, four years of college, living in Salt Lake City for four years) I met many Mormons and by ‘many’ I mean there is no counting how many Mormons I got to know.  I experienced a wide range of devoutness – the very intense and no coffee/no swearing/no R rated movies kind of Mormons and the what I referred as ‘cool Mormons’ – the ones that still went to church but would see an R-rated movie with you or go to a bar even if they wouldn’t drink.  So needless to say I was well versed on the subject matter that would take place in “The Book of Mormon.”

As far as the show itself is concerned….well…I’m going to try and keep spoilers to a minimum but some things simply can’t be avoided.

The show is about two Elders preparing to leave on their mission – Elder Price, who is the typical cute boy “I can’t wait to go on my mission” Elder and then there is Elder Cunningham, who is basically what you would think of if Chris Farley were to go on a mission.  The two are paired together on their missions and do not go to Orlando, like Elder Price wanted, but instead travel to Uganda.  Once there, they come to discover that Uganda is not like they imagined it to be (they would Uganda would be similar to “The Lion King”) and instead is a war-ravaged, AIDS ridden country where men rape babies and women are circumsized frequently.  I know this sounds awful but in the show….it’s hilarious.

There are SO many times in this show that my hand was over my mouth due to what was being said on stage or what I was seeing.  The sad thing is that this actually happens in rural African countries!  Things are not like America!  There were many times that I was like ‘can they SAY that on a Broadway stage?!’  But that is where the initial humor comes from – to see these two sweet and innocent missionaries deal with the bluntness of Uganda.  Eventually it becomes too intense for Elder Price and he leaves, resulting in Elder Cunningham teaching the Ugandans his version of The Book of Mormon (he’s never actually read it).  This version includes Hobbits, time travel, and Darth Vader.  I really don’t want to give away any more of the plot because that’s what was part of the joy for me – watching this incredible story unravel on stage in front of me.

Constantly throughout the show I thought to myself ‘would my Mormon friends actually like this show.’  Surely there is INTENSE language (it was written by the South Park guys, hello) and there are many scenes that make people gasp (and also howl with laughter) but when it came down to it in the end it was, to me, kind of like a weird, messed up, offensive love letter to Mormons.  Do they make fun of Mormons and the Book of Mormon?  ABsolutely.  But I actually learned more about the real Book of Morman in a 2.5 hour Broadway show than I did from 9 years of living in Utah.  If one can look past the offensive language and outrageous scenarios, they’ll see that the show has a massive heart and is actually quite touching.  I found myself brought to tears more than once.

The music was partly written by the composer from “Avenue Q” so that influence is definitely felt in the songs.  Which is a good thing.  Catchy, interesting, moving – the music is a great asset to the show.  Most of all though, the show is FUNNY.  Good God I don’t know when, in the last year at least, I’ve laughed that hard.  Certainly never at a Broadway show before.   Tears in my eyes, clutching my chest, slapping my knee funny.  I think it’s pretty clear that I’m a fan of this show and would recommend anyone to see it.  That much is obvious.  But I was literally so overwhelmed by this show I can’t even put into words how MUCH I recommend it.  There are times when I see Broadway shows and I walk away thinking ‘there is nothing like this on Broadway right now, this show is changing theater’ and “Book of Mormon” is one of those shows.  The humor, the intellect, the heart – this show is not to be missed or dismissed as anything but utterly brilliant.

“Hasa Diga Ebowai!”

To Be Continued… May 6, 2011

Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
2 comments

I saw “The Book of Mormon” on Broadway last night.

It was, single handedly, one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen on Broadway, not to mention ever seen…anywhere.  I don’t know that I’ve laughed that consistently at any show, movie, book, tv show, anything.

I have a lot more to say about this truly BRILLIANT show but alas….I am leaving for Fire Island in a mere twenty minutes and have to finish up some stuff at work.  I  know, I know.  But many people have requested my thoughts on this show and I will give them to you…MONDAY!

Happy Mother’s Day everyone – love you mom!

This is the True Story May 5, 2011

Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
Tags:
1 comment so far

Last night on The Real World: Las Vegas, Heather and Nannie (yes…Nannie) got drunk and made out, as most girls do in their college years.  Well, except at my college.  Those girls just went to bible study together.  Anyway:

Oh, you kids these days.  Anyway, I now present to you “Two Guys Watch Two Girls Make Out.”

This has been “Two Guys Watch Two Girls Make Out.

Thank you, and have a good day.