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Nothing Else I Can Say September 19, 2011

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I feel the need for an update.  I don’t know what’s going to come out, I don’t know what we’re going to talk about, so this could all be very stream of consciousness.  Are you prepared for that?  Can you handle the journey?  Can I handle the journey?  We shall see.

*By now we all know that Holly and Michael won Bachelor Pad 2.  Old news, I didn’t have time to recap the final episode and I’m sorry.  There was some good stuff in there too.  But perhaps the most important piece of news is that Holly and Blake are….ENGAGED!!!

She’s evil, he’s stupid, and Michael Stagliano is a pretty pretty princess.

 

*I’m going to Germany this week!  Ah!  Yes, sheltered boy BriTunes is actually heading out of the country to Amsterdam and Germany

for seven days.  I’ve never been out of the country before so obviously I’m a little bit nervous but I’ve been promised that the beer is

extra strong over there so there’s that.  Just know that if you don’t hear from me for at least two weeks I’ve been murdered.  Kthx.

 

*As soon  as I’m back from Germany I move into my new place.  Luxury High Rise, Midtown, and there is a gym in the building.

Everything else is secondary to there being a gym in the building, let me tell you.  My new roommates’ name is Will and he is a fashion

editor.  Super nice, really gay, we should get along just fine.  When I went over to meet him I brought a bottle of wine and I thought

that I’d have a glass and then peace out and he and I ended up finishing the whole bottle.  So I expect a lot of empty wine bottles at our

new place. 

 

*Two days after I move my brother and sister-in-law are coming to visit.  I have no idea what we’ll be doing, but it should be a grand

ol’ time.

 

*Fall TV is back, and you have no idea how happy that makes me.  I’m a little nervous at the amount of TV I’ll be missing while I’m in

Germany, but I guess it is the price I have to pay.

 

*Doug – we are definitely due for a catch-up this week.

*Wife – I need to see more pictures of your new bebe!

*Amanders – I love hearing all your funny kid stories.  That Gavin is hilarious!

*Heidi – No Day But Today

 

Okay.  I’m exhausted.  Peace out my peeps.

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Bachelor Pad Recap After a Bottle of Wine September 7, 2011

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Hi friends!!!  I’s alive!  Thank tha Lord, I’s alive!  And YUP – I’m coming to you again after a lovely bottle of red wine so you know what that means…..

BACHELOR PAD RECAP AFTER A BOTTLE OF WINE!!!!  Wahoo!!

For the record:  I now like Ella.  I’ve always like Ericka.  Crazy ass Michelle Money is the shit.  And Holly is like, Mady Gosselin levels of ‘the pits.’  That being said, let’s move on.

Ericka is a special little spirit.  She’s kinda downsy, kinda slutty, kinda special in the best ways possible.

Chris Harrison came by this week and had a very special instruction to the housemates – PICK  A DUO!!  AND PICK WISELY!  Holly, obviously, was bored by this.

No Holly, YOU’RE a snooze.

Can we talk about Blake’s vest for a second?

I mean….WHAT is that?  Men’s Warehouse is definitely missing an item out of their premiere collection.  Ericka saw that pretty pretty vest and obviously wanted to give Blake some bedroom eyes.

Speaking of bedroom eyes…is Graham even like, alive?

Or just really stoned.  Let’s get into the game, Graham!  And keep those hands above the blanket!!

In addition to Ericka, Vinna as always, gives us her very own pretty PRETTY parties.

How she and Kasey have made it this far is anyone’s guess.

Holly and Michael (who is perfect in every way) are a hot ass mess.  Michael is still holding a candle for Holly, she obviously loves Blake, and therefore he’s so so sad.  What it all comes down to is that she’s a big ol’ whore.

Worse than Holly’s face though, is Chris Harrison’s tie.

Lovin’ the shirt though!  It borders on Technicolor!!  Also bordering on Technicolor are Blake’s teef.

I can’t decide if I find Blake attractive or just horribly offensive.  How about offensively attractive?  Kasey and Vienna, on the other hand…

Now that shit’s just horrible.

I kinda miss Michelle Money being cray-cray.

She’s been like…nice…and cute…and wears really adorable outfits….AH!  What am I saying?!?!  Quick, I need something to hate on!

Ahhhh….there we go.

I’m a little sad (spoiler) that Ericka went home this week.  She was a real good time.

You know who is not a really good time?

Any woman that breaks the heart of my man Michael, better watch out.

This dude was also there this week…

Todd?  Alan?  Kevin?  Let’s go with Kevin.

The whole ‘when did you lose your virginity’ thing was a bit much.  And Graham’s answer…

I can’t.  He’s honestly just so smarmy.  Even Michelle thinks so.

Let’s have a pretty party, shall we? 

Stagliano – PRETTY!

Ericka.  Pretty?

Stagliano.  Pretty!!!

Ericka.  Pretty?

And this concludes your Pretty Party.

Since Graham and Michelle won the challenge, they got to go on the one-on-one date.  Because they are super special they got to go on a helicopter!!  They were super excited.

And everyone else was super excited for them.

Ugh.  I love it so much. 

Kasey and Vienna had some fight….about sex…and a ring…and leaving the show…I don’t know their whole relationship is so…well it’s…

Exactly.  It’s frustrating. 

Graham and Michelle’s AWESOME prize was to watch some Anna Faris and Chris Evans movie in a hot tub.  Two words:  Wrinkly.  Fingers.  Graham was super into it.  Michelle….?

The face says it all.

I wasn’t really into this part of the episode and then this happened:

 

And my face did:

And all was right in the world.

Then Holly wore this thing

And the world was wronged all over again.

Ericka and Blake got to go on a date as well

and Ericka was really hoping to get some….

But Blake was not having it at’all.

If it was anyone else, they would have been all over Ericka but no no, Blake has feelings for someone else.

Yeah.  That Aunt Jemima cheatin bitch.

The rest of the episode was a snooze.  Ella was scared for her life (she’s got a 9year old SON, ya’ll!)

Ericka played with her hair.

Vienna got the rose and sang the creepiest song ever.

“I…….got the rooosee…..I got the rooooose….Iiiiiiii gooot the rose….”

Then she wore this lovely ensemble…

and we all remembered that she’s a stripper.

Blake and Smolly canoodled in front of Michael

And Michael cried to the camera, all the while looking like perfection.

Ella cried. (9 YEAR OLD SON YA’LL!)

But at the end of the day she and Keith got the rose.

And unfortunately my angel Ericka and that bastard Blake went home.  Which wasn’t a surprise at all.

Next week is the THREE HOUR finale, which of course means I will be fast forwarding through about 2/3 of it.  And yes, I miss you all just as much as you miss me.  XOXO