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Bachelor-Cap January 24, 2012

Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
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You know, I really appreciate this show sometimes.

Just when you think you’re watching one of the most boring Bachelor episodes of all time (slash most boring Bachelor season of all time) these girls really pull it out of left field and bring it on home for you to make your time worthwhile.  Let’s discuss.

Ben couldn’t even eke out a proper pensive shot in the first few minutes of the show.

Seriously, I was starting to get concerned.  I don’t know that I’ve ever seen an episode where we haven’t had at least SOME kind of pensive shot.  Then, at the last minute, he hooked us up.

It’s not the greatest one we’ve ever seen (there’s no back tattoo involved, hello) but there’s a horse involved and that ups the ‘ridiculous factor’ tenfold.

Chris Harrison was lookin goooooood, ya’ll!!!

Coiffed to perfection, rocking that blue sweater, GET IT boyee!

I failed to mention that this week we were in Park City, Utah.  A place I have visited MANY times, but never have I seen it look as gorgeous as they did on the show.  Next time I go I demand to be taken around by helicopter.

Okay back to Harrison.  My favorite was when he said to the girls “make sure that, whenever you have time with Ben, you make the most of it.  Don’t just sti there and talk about the weather.”

Uh Oh, guilty consciences’ ladies?!

Courtney B really put me through it.

She was one insecure statement after the next on this damn epsiode.  GET A GRIP!

This girl got the first one-on-one.  I don’t know her name, let’s call her ‘bangs.’

Yes, well, most of America hates you now too because you’re awful.  Moving on.

GORGEOUS!

So jealous.

I’m less jealous, however of the canoe excursion.

Not only was the conversation awkward as hell, look at those BUGS!!  No thank you.

This next picture…I can’t.

Bangs was so awkward this entire date, it was PAINFUL.

In every interview behind the scenes she’d yip and yap about her ‘communication issues’ when she should have been saying all of this to BENJAMIN!

And stop making that lip face, dammit!

Is anyone else confused why they never eat the food on this show?

It all looks very good.  If I was the producers’ I’d be all ‘no fantasy suite for you until you finish your meal!’  It’s just confounding.  Makes me go

I can’t.

Bangs got the rose, so she’s sticking around.  Oh goody.

GROUP DATE!  And we’re gonna ride some horseys!!

No, not BLAKLEY’S, I said ‘horseys.’

That’s better.

Courtney B was being put through it that all these other bitches were on her GROUP DATE.

Head Bitch In Charge Courtney was fine with it and she fly fished (I can’t) patiently, knowing that Ben would come to her.


Honestly, teaching a girl how to fly fish is the oldest trick in the book.

I ALWAYS go fly fishing on dates.  It’s just like ‘teaching someone how to golf’ or ‘teaching someone how to play tennis.’  Get some new moves Benjamin.

Lindzeee made this face

and we moved on.

Looks like Courtney’s plan worked


But…um…don’t you want him to be kissing you and not the fish?

This girl knows how to play the game.

She was all ‘I just wanted you to know I’m thinking about you and I’m happy to talk to you on a group date or a one-on-one’ which is exactly what Ben wanted to hear so he ate her face.

THIS chickadee, however…

Did exactly the opposite and played the needy girl and Ben was like ‘well if you can’t handle the heat, maybe you should get out of the kitchen.”  Please to witness the evolution of her breakdown.

ADIOS, BLONDIE!

HBIC was so sweet and handled her embarrassing exit with grace and kindness.

Or not.

Who is this girl?


Yeah, we feel the same about you, rando.

Courtney B and Ben actually did have a *very* cute moment during the group date.  He pulled her upstairs and let her know he’d been thinking about her and then he ate her face.

If she doesn’t win, let’s just say I’ll be very surprised.

Ben looked awesome during his conversation with HBIC.

She employed the same strategy that blondie who went home did and she was all “oh, I don’t know if I can handle the attention you give all the other girls”

And instead of sending her home, he gave her the rose.  Because that makes sense.  It makes about as much sense as Courtney B‘s hair.

Girl, get your act together!  There is some stiff competition here (no there isn’t).

Stiff, Stiff competition.  Like roots McGee over here.

Looks like SOMEONE isn’t a natural redhead.

I don’t know what it is with Ben and these death defying dates.  Repelling down into a carter?!  No thanks.  And doing it in a bikini?!

Even more ‘no thanks.’

No.

Okay, maybe.  All together now:  “EAT!!  HER!  FAAAAAACE!”

Back at camp, Emily was making good use of her time.

Highlights, drinking, and talking shit behind another girl’s back.  What more does one need?!

Exactly.

Who is this.

Why are all these people staring at them while they make out?

No, seriously, WHO IS THIS?

And more importantly, WHO IS THIS?!

*sigh*  I need to pay more attention.

I loved this next sequence of events.  Emily was feeling insecure about the attention that Courtney (HBIC) was getting and so she went and tattled to Ben about how evil she is.

GIRLS!!  If there is ONE thing we’ve learned over the course of 93 seasons, it’s that NO Bachelor likes a tattle tale!  They don’t care about who doesn’t like who and who is fighting with who!  All they care about is who is going to sleep with them when they get into the fantasty suite!

I bet this girl would.

WHAT is that dress.

If there’s one thing HBIC does not tolerate, it’s someone talking crap about her to her man!

Courtney:  You know what you did!
Emily:  I don’t know what you’re talking about!

Courtney:  Oh, okay girl, I see you, I gotchu.

Emily:  Okay Courtney, whateversnickersnickereyeroll
Courtney:  Blerp blerp meep.

Then Courtney did what she loves to do in her spare time…

…which is rub a rose inappropriately against her body.

Emily, at this point, knew she SCREWED UP.

That’s what you GET for trying to bring down another girl!  The Head Bitch In Charge!  The Michelle Money of this season!  Girl, CHECK YOSELF!

As luck would have it, she ended up getting a rose and went back to being a cocky ass ho.

I’m sorry, but she is.  I calls it like I sees it.

Merpy Monica was sent home.  Honestly, she and Ben never even had a conversation – I’m surprised she stuck around this long!  Throw that girl in a snowy limo,

show the obligatory tear shot,

and let’s just be DONE with it!

I’m exhausted.

Next week, we go to Puerto Rico (or someplace like that).  Ben wears this ridiculous outfit

and then wears NOTHING AT ALL!!!!!!

LE SCANDALOSO!!!!!!!!

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Comments»

1. mom - January 24, 2012

ok, so i cheated and read this first…but i asked Melissa who went home anyways and she did say the limo probably just took her all the way home to salt lake…

2. Erica - February 3, 2012

Hey Doll!

Love it as always. Two things:
1) It’s Kacie B (not Courtney)
2) Please make more fun of Ben’s ridiculous hair.
Love you!


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