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Bachelor-Cap January 31, 2012

Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
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Sometimes there are some weeks of The Bachelor where the girls and Ben just don’t provide us with much.  A skinny dip here, a catty comment there, blah blah blah.  Some weeks we don’t even get a PENSIVE look!  I mean, what?!  I really miss the days of crazy ex-Bachelor contestants coming back and girls leaving because they ‘just don’t feel it.’  And back tattoos.  I’ll always miss the back tattoos.

Luckily, for our sake, there will always be faces like this to entertain us.

And Chris Harrison will always be there for us to gawk at.  Although…

WHAT is that ring on his index finger?  Kinda gay Mr. Harrison…kiiiiiiinda gay.

This week we leave the boring confines of the US and travel to Pureeeeeeerto Rico!  Thanks to the number of ladies, everyone gets a date.  You get a date, you get a date, you get a date, etc.  Some girls were happy about this, others, less so.

Honestly I don’t even know why half of these girls WANT to go on a date.  If you get to stay home, you get to do this:

Infinitely more fun than conversation with Ben, if you ask me.

The Bachelor.  Brought to you by:

Helicopters.

F’real.  There are so many damn helicopters in this show they must have some sort of frequent passenger program or something.

This chick got the first one-on-one.

I don’t remember her name.  All I know is that she needs a manicure.

HANDS.

Apparently it rains in P.R. so chick and Ben stood in a doorway and kissed in the rain (naturally)

And then decided to be like crazy tourists and buy some new ca-razy outfits.

No Ben.

You actually CAN’T pull that off, in case you were wondering.

What sounds like more fun when you’re on The Bachelor than sitting on a bench and watch a wedding?  Was it just me or did homegirl take FOREVER to get into the church?  I was like, damn girl – move it or lose it!  Also?

Baby got back.

This episode was chock full of ridiculous shots.

I mean, why else do we watch this show if not for shots like these?

“Come girl, won’t you sit with me in this giant clam?”

I’m telling you, the tanning looked like more fun.

Next was the group date and here’s a fun fact:  they have BASEBALL fields in Puerto Rico!

Who knew.

Chris Harrison showed up looking a little more ‘man booby’ than I’d like.

But he’s in a tight blue shirt so I’ll take it!  Plus his hair was lookin goooooood.

Work it OUT Chris Harrison, work it out.

The girls had to compete against each other in a baseball game to win  a SEPARATE, SMALLER group date.  Seriously, this shit is complicated.  Also complicated?

Honey, no.

There were lots of tragic moments during the baseball game but really this is the only one worth mentioning.

Oy.

Also, what is up with this look?

You played the game at NIGHT, sweetie.  I don’t think the massive black stripes under your eyes are necessary.  Damn fool.

Team red won the special mini-date and let me tell you – Team Blue were such gracious losers.  Really took it in stride.

Oh wait, no they didn’t.  I’ll let awful, awful Courtney join me in making fun of them.

Thanks for the help, Court!

Apparently this second group date is where bad, clashing patterns came to die.

It’s also where Courtney B’s hair came to die.

Hot damn girl.  Can’t you do something about that?  Someone send some relaxer, stat!  I mean, shit!

Yeah, I’m with you on this one Benjamin!

This chick got the next one-on-one and she was SUPER excited about it.

Thrilled, really.  Judging by this chick’s lack of airtime, something tells me this date is going to be one giant boat crashing into an iceberg, if you know what I’m saying.

I just hope that her heart goes on.

So let’s see, they chatted a bit on the boat which led to awesome hair moments

and awesome facial tics.

For some reason they got SUUUUUPER dressed up for dinner…

even though they were the only two people on the island.  I don’t get it, but Ben looked far too cute in his tux for me to complain.

It became clear quite fast that Ben was going to send this Snooki lookalike home but was it really necessary for him to pick UP the rose and practically dangle it in her face?

Poor thing, like us, saw it coming pretty fast.

And of course she took the dumping very well.

Aw, see ya, don’t wanna be ya!  Love that instead of letting her go back on the yacht he sent her on that rickety old dinghy!

Yeah, so does your face.

As Ben walked back to his ‘mansion of the seas’ he had the rose in his hand.

As I watched it I said to myself ‘omg, he’s going to drop that in the ocean.  They’re going to have a shot of the rose in the ocean.  Omg.  No they aren’t.  No they aren’t.’

Oh.

YES THEY ARE.   Honestly this show is Pre-Dict-a-ble.

The girls (unlike the audience) were all SUPER shocked that whatsherface didn’t come back.

Courtney viewed this as an opportunity to vie for the crazy stalker of the year award.

Showed up at Ben’s door, talked all kinds of crazy baby talk, offered him a massage using the free lotion they give you at hotels, and then suggested they grab their wine and go walk down by the beach.

Being the classy ho that she is, we can all guess what happened next.

No.  She.  Didn’t!

And Ben went along with it!!!  Something tells me he’s gonna have a LOT of splainin’ to do when this season is over!

I mean, number one explain to me this:

Blech.

I actually had a lot of sympathy for Horseley this episode.  She seemed more genuine, and just misunderstood in life.  When she lost the baseball game she was totally devastated and I felt for her.  But then she goes and wears an outfit like this

and grabs at Ben’s face when kissing him

And my hands are tied.

Courtney was up to her old kind and sweet ways

and blondie thought it would be a good idea to AGAIN bring up to Ben how much the girls don’t like Courtney and how she’s different around him than them.

Honey, did you learn NOTHING from your mistake last week!?!?!  Ben doesn’t want to hear about that!!  What is wrong with you?!

Besides everything.

Time for the roses!!!

Who is this?

No, seriously, who is THIS?!

I know who this is though.

One sad, sad girl.  Ayup, ‘You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Redhead’ didn’t get the rose and I was kinda glad.  She was too much too soon for me.  She gave us an awesome exit breakdown, though.

Yes, CLUTCH THOSE PEARLS GIRL!!

There was all kinds of goodness in the preview for the second half of the season but I can boil it down to three things:

Pensive looks
Tears

and of course

EATING FACE!!!!!!!

Peace out!

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