jump to navigation

Bachelor-Cap February 28, 2012

Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
1 comment so far

This week of The Bachelor brought us something that has been desperately lacking this whole season.  PENSIVE SHOTS!!!!!

Pensive in a car…

Pensive on a plane…

Still pensive on the plane…

God I’m so pensive on this plane…

And suddenly we’re in….SWITZERLAND!!!

I mean good Lord, Switzerland looks gorgeous.  I remember when I was on a train going from Amsterdam to Munich we drove through the Swiss Alps.  It was at night so I couldn’t see anything but I pictured it in my mind and it looked like this.  But with more snow.  And blonde people.  And it was more Alpy.  But other than that, exactly the same.

Oh lord.

PENSIVE ON A BRIDGE!!  If there’s one thing the Bachelor loves, it’s being pensive on a bridge!

The first date of the week was with oh Nikki you’re so fine, who gave us some good pensive looks while walking.

SWANS!!!

This has been the latest installment of “SWANS!!!”

Might I just say that the dates this week were TAME for the Bachelor.  I mean really?  No fire walking?  No putting your head in a lion’s mouth?  No kissing without chapstick?  No, all we got was a helicopter (duh)

A wholllllle lot of converstaion…

and a challenge to see how many shots we could get of them looking small compared to the giant alps.

WE GET IT!!  Switzerland has Mountains!!!

When I say there was a lot of conversation…looooord was there conversation.  Nikki could barely contain herself.  She muttered the ‘L’ word about 50 times and if I heard one more time about how her dad was like his dad I was gonna…and does anyone else think she looks like Maria Menudos?

What the WHAT was this outfit though?

 

I can’t.

I have a hard time with these last few episodes of the Bach because while a lot happens in theory…Nnnnnnot a lot actually happens!  Couples talk, they talk some more, then they sit by a fire and….

TALK SOME MORE!!!!  What do they talk about, you may ask?

“I love you I love you I’m finally ready I love you I love you.”

“Hair.  Wine.  Hair.  Wine.  Wine.  Hair.  Smashley.  Wine.  Opening up.  Wine.  Dad.  Wine.  Love.  Wine.”

“Hot tub.”

Oh, to be a fly on the wall in those fantasy suites. 

You bored?  I KNOW!!  Like, what funny things can I write about Ben and Nikki?  TWO OF THE MOST BORING PEOPLE EVER!!  I fall asleep just thinking about them.  Good thing we have Lindzeeeee up next.  Because as we all know, she’s THRILLING.

I wonder if he’s noticing how bad her roots are just like we’re all noticing how bad her roots are.  Eesh!

For Ben and Lindzeeee’s date they had the THRILLING task of repelling from a cliff.  You could see they were thrilled.

I kinda like when they make Ben do all this crazy stuff.  For as much as he preports to be the “MAN” you know he’s a panzy at heart.

Hold on Ben!! 

Of course we had to have the obligatory “mid-air kiss” shot…

And before you knew it they were on the ground.  Whole thing lasted a total of six seconds.  It took me longer to write about it here than it did for them to get to the ground.  And you KNOW that Lindzee was all about the ‘dangling love’ and ‘repelling for our future’ references the entire time they were doing it.  Don’t even get me started on how Ben said ‘oh my Dad’ while repelling.  *sigh*

BABY SHEEP!!!!!

And this has been the latest installment of “BABY SHEEP!!!!”

Obligatory hot tub and windmill shot…

and we cut to Ben looking adoooooorable in a yellow bow tie.

When he’s got it, he’s got it.  Question though:

Does Lindzeee ever have it?

Oof. 

I have to say, I think the two of them may end up together.  Did you notice how many times he said he was ‘falling in love’ with her?  That means something coming from Ben!  Now whether or not their night in the fantasy suite meant something or if it was just a quickie…

…well that’s debatable. 

Uh Oh guys, I think Ben just saw boobies for the first time!!

“A-oooooga!”

(*sigh*  I miss Smashley)

This coat looks like one my dad used to wear.

I may or may not have worn it to a 9th grade dance and it may or may not have been about six sizes too big for me.  But that’s just an estimate.

Courtney and Ben are RIL excited to ride that train.

IfyouknowwhatI’msaying……

Ben and Courtney were going to make their own picnic and, lo and behold, a guy with a truck full of fruit just HAPPENED to be driving up just as they were walking up the hill!!!

What a CRAZY coincidence!!

GOATS!!!!

And this as been the latest installment of “GOATS!!!!!!”

During their date, Courtney and Ben played an awesome game by the name of ‘hey cow.’

Ben, you might want to copywrite that shit real fast.  Because before you know it, you’re going to start seeing a game called ‘Hey Cow’ in Target and your idea will be taken from you.  It will become THAT popular.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

During their date, they talked a lot about how Ben is concerned about what the other girls said in regards to Courtney’s behavior.

Let me just say, this girl deserves and Oscar because she played the SHIT out of this scene.

“Oh, I’m so sad.  Oh, that’s not me. Oh, I’m misunderstood.”  No matter what Ben truly belives, he takes whatever Courtney said and just eats it right up.  Cheers to you Court, for a very well played game.

Now let’s get it on in the hot tub!!!!!!!

Snooze.

What happened next was…well…a revelation.  We all know how I feel about Emily, the former contestant on Brad’s season.  Contestant/WINNER.  Well she’s back as the new Bachelorette and she’s saaaaaad.

No, not about the fact that her husband died.  And strangely not about the fact that she named her daughter ‘Ricki.’  No, she sad because she’s alonnnnnne.  And she has no one to lovvvvve.  All together now:

“AWWWWWWW.”

Well the GOOD NEWS is that she’s willing to fly out to LA so she can meet up with her bestie best friends Smashley….

And Awful Ali!!!!!

Yayyyyyyy!!!!!

The girls went shopping with her (how Pretty Women of them) and then got makeovers!! 

Because…you know…they don’t know how to do their own makeup or anything (well, I guess Ali doesn’t so maybe this outing was necessary).

Good thing we hired all that paparazzi for our fun little girls’ day out!!

As a special treat to the girls, they were sent to see Titanic in 3D.  All while wearing really, really short dresses.

Leo approves.

Apparently Emily didn’t pay attention while recieving her makeover because she still insists on wearing these clunky glasses everywhere.

Come on girl, get your act together.

After the movie, they all hugged goodbye and clinked some champage so as to cheer Emily on.  Gag.  Snooze.  Bore.  Michelle Money when you need her?

Back in Svitzerland, we had the obligatory ‘four place contestant comes back to win back said Bachelor/Bachelorette’ moment.  And who could it beeee now but……

KACIE B!!!!! And she looks piiiiiiiiisssed.

In all honesty she couldn’t have waited any longer before knocking on this damn door.

She held her hand there for what felt like a million years.  I just kept shouting “KNOCK ALREADY!!!!!!!!!”

As expected, Ben was super stoked to see her.

Negative.

Him saying over and over again ‘I don’t know what to say’ reeeeeally didn’t help the situation either.  Tension easer?  Not s’much. 

Kacie B. tried to give him her sexiest seduction face

and when that didn’t help to win him back, she decided to just go for it and tell Ben the ugly truth about Courtney.  Which, as we all knew he would, Ben took super well.

“I don’t know what to say!”

“LOVE ME AGAIN!!!!”

“I don’t know what to say.”

After he didn’t know what to say a million times, he kicked Kacie B. to the curb and she was so exhasuted by all of this ridiculousness, she, like America, had to lay down.

I can’t.

Chris Harrison, to me, you are perfect.

That is all.

I’m sooooo bored by these people.  Let’s wrap this up quickly.  Here we have the creepy shrine to the ladies…

The three ladies ready for the firing squad…

and Josh Groban.

As expected, Lindzeeeeee and Courtneyyyy got roses which means that our favorite Nikki got the boot.

She took it relatively well, which just pisses me off.

I expect a meltdown, dammit!!

The previews for the reunion special and the finale didn’t really reveal anything spicy, but they did show us this shot again.

Which always makes me happy.  Only two more weeks!!

PS I think I have Carpal Tunnel.  Later, ya’ll!!!

Advertisements

Bachelor-Cap February 21, 2012

Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
1 comment so far

Kacie B, I know you’re probably hurting right now but let me just say ‘thank you’ for all of the joy you’ve brought to my life this week.  Your breakdown at the end of this episode…sigh…I mean we’ll get to it but I had to express my gratitude before I burst.

And by ‘Alligators’ you mean ‘contestants on The Bachelor,’ right?  See that up there?  “Lindzeeeee’s Hometown?”  Oh yeah, you know what that means…HOMETOWN DATES!!!!!  The most tragic dates of the year!  I feel like it’s Christmas morning.

So yes, first up was Lindzee.  This girl and her damn obsession with horses.

WE GET IT!!!  YOU LIKE HORSES!!  Now stop beating us over the head with it!!  Or the mane, if you will.

Well of course this girl wouldn’t go by car, train or helicopter.  Horse it is!!  I wonder what PETA would have to say about this. 

And I wonder what America’s Next Top Model would have to say about that.  Eek!

Ben had many great shirts this episode starting with this one, which I think I own.

The man’s got good taste in many things!  Women, not being one of those things.

Lindzee’s parents pretty much JUMPED on Ben the minute he got there.  He wasn’t even off the horse yet before her dad was all ‘how about some wine?!  I’ve got a great Chardonnay chilling right over here!’ 

Calm down there buddy.  Let’s not put the cart before the horse (horse pun).

Yes, I know it’s funny.  Sit down. 

After downing a glass of wine, Lindzeeeee’s father suggested they participate in an age-old family tradition:  buggy races.

I think I may see where Lindzeeee gets her horse obsession from. 

Lindzee’s mom sure did bring the Pretty Party this week.

Yes girl, get it!

I have to say, I didn’t think much about Lindzeeee and Ben’s relationship until this episode.  I think they may have a shot, but Lindz reeeeally needed to stop introducing Ben as ‘my boyfriend.’  Me thinks she might be living in a land I call ‘delusion.’  As it is though, cheers to her.

She’s gone from ‘who?’ to ‘meet my boyfriend!!!!!’  Might we have a dark horse in our midst?  (Yay horse puns).

Oh Gawd.

This one again. 

Kacie B. was SO excited to see Ben, I honestly thought she was going to pee herself.  Legit.  She was like, making all these squeals and grunts while hugging him.  It made me ril uncomfortable.

Almost as uncomfortable as her hair.

Really?  You can’t get it together more than that? 

I have to say folks, until this week I thought Kacie B. was in it to win it.  I truly thought we would be seeing her in the finale but the minute Ben met her folks

I knew she was a goner.

What also throws me for a loop?  Kacie B.’s sister can get her hair’s act together

But Kacie B. still looks like this.

WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOUR HAIR??!!!

Let me save ya’ll a bunch of time and sum up the rest of Ben’s visit in a few pictures.

Can’t ya just feel the awkwardness from here?  Oof!!

From the church that is Kacie B’s family we move on to this girl.

Name:  unknown.

First stop?  Well, we’re Texas so you know what that means…

BEN NEEDS A PAIR OF COWBOY BOOTS!!!! Jane Doe is so predictable.

What I don’t get, however is this sparkly shirt.

This is not Vegas, sweetie.  Put AWAY the sparkly shirt.

Whatshername’s family was much more receptive than Kacie B’s family, however.  I appreciate how the hot brother had to sit between divorced mom and dad on the sofa.

Did you hear that Who’s That Girl is divorced AS WELL?  The track record is not looking good for dear ol’ Benjamin.

GIRL TALK!!!

End of Girl Talk.

Emotional Dad Talk!!!

End of Emotional Dad Talk.

Hot Brother!!

End of Hot Brother.

Kissing on my mom’s bed!!!

End of Kissing on Mom’s Bed.

And there you have, in a nutshell, whosawhatshername’s date!!!!  Yayyyy!!! 

I hate what I’m about to say.  And I’m only gonna say it once so take it all in….

Crazy Courtney looks pretty.

I mean, sure, the eyebrows are still out of control, but she looks good!  Almost as good as…..

…BEN’S AMAZING BUTTON DOWN!!

Me want.  Me want now.

Courtney’s Dad was a little schmaltzy.  He reminded me of a used car salesman.

Digging the Argyle, though.

Courtney’s mom, on the otherhand….I was not digging.

PRETTY PARTY!!!!! (did you notice how the dad and the mom matched their ‘orange’ themed outfits?  They so fancy!)

Tell me something:

Is that a giant poster of Courtney in the upper right hand of this photo?  Something tells me that this family has a shrine dedicated to Court Court somewhere….

Courtney’s mom, bringing more of the amazing.

I think I know where Courtney got her amazing brows from….

Every other season or so, one girl comes up with the AMAZING idea to do a fake wedding with The Bachelor.  Ladies, THIS WILL NOT HELP YOU ANY CLOSER TO YOUR GOAL!!!  Making him write his own vows…

Having a minister…

Placing the ring on the finger…

This is not cute.  It is creepy.

My favorite, favorite, FAVORITE thing with the vows though, were Courtney’s.

She legit, straight up, word for word, QUOTED SEX AND THE CITY!!!!!!!!!!!!  You know in the finale when Carrie’s with Petrofsky and she’s like “I want real, out of control, can’t live without each other kind of love.  And I don’t think that love is here, in this gorgeous hotel room, in Paris.”  Courtney hocked a Carrie Bradshaw speech!  Part of that makes me hate her…and part of it makes me love her just a little more.

After all of the dates, Ben had a sit down with hottie mc hottie Chris Harrison

which I fast forwarded though.  Snoozefest, if you ask me.  I did pause long enough to pay my respects to the ‘Creepy Lady Shrine,’ however.

What, were short dresses half off at Bebe, or something?

Lindzee got the first rose, Crazy Courtney the second rose, and the third rose went to whatsherbutt.  That meant the brow of fury was headed home.

But not before she had a tearful ‘smile’ farewll with Ben

and then one of the greatest backseat breakdowns EVER!!!!!!  I don’t even want to speak for fear that I’ll ruin it.  But please, take each of these pictures in and savor them.

Ooh, her dad gon’ be PISSED!!!!!!!

Next week everyone travels to Switzerland, some girl comes back (betchu it’s KACIE B!) and Ben wears this adorable bow tie.

See you then!!

Bachelor-Cap February 16, 2012

Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
add a comment

Hey ya’ll, sorry the Bachelor-Cap is super late this week.  It has been a week, let me tell you…It has beeeeeeen a week.  That being said, I’m super disappointed in this week’s Bachelor episode.  I didn’t see ANY pensive looks from Ben.  None.  And not that I was super paying attention but still, none?  I mean, don’t they know what we want?

His tank top.  That is what I want.  I mean, hello Nikki, am I right?

Yeah, totes!  (her name is Nikki, isn’t it?)

It’s so hard to believe that we only have six girls left.  I mean, they are just BURNING through them this season.  Makes me feel like, I dunno, they’d like to be done with the train wreck that is Ben, or something.  Lucky for us, the ones that are left like to provide us with plenty of pretty parties.

And that’s just a preview.  I don’t want to spill all the goods just yet.

Chris Harrison is back in all his gorgeousness and he also brought with him a friend that we haven’t seen for a while.  Oh yes, that’s right….it’s the…

TECHNICOLOR BUTTON-DOWN!!!!  I’m so happy I could cry.  Belize must bring out the “C-razy Chris Harrison.”

Yup, thanks for that Kacie B.  (KACIE B!  KACIE B!  KACIE B!)

Oof.

By the way, WHAT is that shirt?  A striped blouse with lace shoulders?  What the what?

Speaking of shirts…

Ben is BA-RINGING the heat in another tank top I’m totally coveting.  What can I say, the man knows how to dress (and by that I mean ‘the dressers of The Bachelor know how to dress….the Bachelor’). 

Pretty party.

Thanks for coming.  Here’s your party favor.

I’m sure he was talking about something else, but I’d like to think Ben was pointing to the fact that his nipples look weird and his obviously shaved chest looks unnatural.  But that’s just what I think.  And really, what does it matter what I think?

For the first one-on-one, Ben and Lindzeeeeeee jumped out of a helicopter (surprise) together.

I have to say, if I heard ONE MORE DAMN time about how Lindzee was ‘falling out of a helicopter and falling for Ben’ or how she was taking a ‘leap of faith with Ben, literally’ or how she was ‘jumping for joy for Ben’ I was going to book myself a damn flight to damn Belize, and push her damn ass out of that helicopter.

And yes, I do realize that I would also need a time machine because this was all filmed months ago but that is BESIDES THE POINT.

They made it seem like they were just jumping into a ‘blue hole’ (yes…blue hole) of nothingness and then were going to swim around the coral reef until one of them drowned but then a boat appeared out of nowhere

and all of my hopes and dreams for the one-on-one with Lindzeeeeee were dashed.

I’ll tell you one thing though, Belize sure is pretty.

No sarcasm intended (a first for me, I know).

Part of me WANTS to like Lindzee but then I look at her…

…and I just can’t bring myself to do it.

Back at the house the rest of the girls were obsessing about the one-on-ones and Courtney was doing this.

I may have reached my boiling point with her this week, ya’ll.  I don’t know that I can handle her face anymore.

But anyway, back to the date.  Yes, the date.  Where they wrote a ‘fairy tale’ about Lindzee and Ben, put it in a bottle, and set it off to sea.

Some girls get yachts, some girls get Circe de Soiles….Lindzee gets a bottle on a dock.  A true fairy tale indeed!

Gag.

Hey Ben, whatcha doin’ there?

Cause it look reeeeeal gay to me.  Also gay?

His synchronized dancing with Emily.  In real life they’re playing basketball with random natives of Belize (random my ass) but I choose to belive they are dancing instead.  And it’s my Bachelor-cap, so I can choose what I want to choose.  I choose my choice.

Let me ask you something.  If you’re in Belize, and you see a man on a dock selling lobsters and you ask to buy one and he says ‘no, these are all spoken for but tell ya what, if she’ll smile at me I’ll take you and your lady on a private boat tour where you can buy your own lobsters,’ would you think he was being for real?

No.  No you would not.  However, this is The Bachelor and ANYTHING is possible.


Ladies and Gentlemen, lobster full frontal.

Back at the house, Courtney was being put through it.

But back on the DATE, Ben and Emily were dancing with the locals, which may or may not have included a he/she man/woman.

It was much scarier when in motion but seriously, what was that?

Get it Emily, GET IT GET IT! 

But is it really necessary for all of us to see your toungue slopping all around?  Blech!

Back at the house, the last one-on-one date went to……COURTNEY!!  Good thing for us, Kacie B is an expert in side eye.

Yes, honey!  I have taught you well!

In addition to the side eye, Kacie couldn’t stop talking about how badly she wanted to ‘squash Courtney like a black widow.’

Um, bitch I hate to break it to you but Black Widow’s are poisionous and if you sqashed one like that it would bite you and your dumb ass would die.  Just thought I’d let ya know.

For Courtney and Ben’s date, they walked some tall ass Mayan ruins…

Courtney sucked on some fruit…

and Ben was so awe inspired by the view he introduced us to the phrase ‘Oh My Dad.’

I can’t. 

And, if my math is correct, if Ben is substituting ‘dad’ for ‘God,’ we should substitute’ Jesus’ for ‘Ben.’  But what do I know, I’ve always been bad at math.

Like Lindzee before her, Courtney likened walking the Mayan steps to taking steps with Ben.  And every ‘step’ was a ‘step’ in their ‘relationship.’

You people make me want to kill myself.

BLECH!

Yes Lindzee….

WE GET IT.

For the group date, Ben surprised all of the ladies first thing in the morning which led to this lovely exchange.

I spared you the shot of Rachel shaving her armpits in the sink.  :::shudder:::

So yes, KACIE B, Rachel, and Nikki came to play, and so did Nikki’s friends.

Double and D.

Justin Bieber was also there

As were the most unthreatening sharks I’ve EVER SEEN.

I mean, I can’t even justify that experience with a screen grab.  They were going to go “SWIMMING WITH SHARKS” but in actuality they went swimming with some baby vegitarian sharks, some sting rays, and some finding nemos.  And it was a good thing Ben was there because Rachel and her nose ring were TERRRRRRRRRIFIED of the sharks.  Afterwards, I beleive she said something to the effect of ‘each shark I saw was like another shark in this house that I want to beat to get to the whale shark that is Ben and my’s relationship and I’m not afraid to be a Great White.’

Or something like that.

No one know who you are Nikki.

No one.

As if we’ve forgotten that they’re in a foreign country, KACIE B found it necessary to remind us by wearing the national symbol of ‘I’m in a foreign country….’

…a big ass flower.

I’d now like to invite you to the 5th annual….COURTNEY PRETTY PARTY!!!!

Thank you for coming, your party gifts at the door.

I SAID THANK YOU FOR COMING.  A GOOD DAY TO YOU.

At the rose ceremony, Ben simply HAD to pull Courtney aside to ask her some more questions about why all the girls don’t like her

when REALLY we all know the answer.

PS.  It’s because she’s awful.

Speaking of awful…

Let’s cut back on the makeup next time Zsa Zsa, whatya say?

As it was, the last three ladies were these tramps

with Courntey and her weird ass face getting the last rose.  This prompted Emily to make this face

Rachel to being tired (I’m tired of the feather earing she’s wearing)

And Emily to cry some mascara tears.

Looks like a successful rose ceremony if you ask me!!!!!

Next week is sure to be an awesome episode as it’s the………FAMILY HOME DATES!!!!  But more importantly, Ben wears an adorable shirt.

Ah!!! GIMMEE!!!

Here’s hoping Courtney get’s squashed like the tarantula she is!!

Squash.

Bachlor-Cap February 7, 2012

Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
2 comments

ALL RIGHT ALREADY!!!  It’s Kacie B!  KACIE KACIE KACIE!!!  I’m sorry for the confusing but…ya’ll…I can’t keep these girls straight.  Like, I don’t feel bad if I get their names wrong but if it confuses YOU, I will do my homework better. 

BAMBOOZLED!!  That is the theme of this episode – BAMBOOZLED!  Soooo many girls got BAMBOOZLED it was crazy.  But we’ll get that later.  First off…

Welcome to Texas!

Texas, Panama, whatevs.  Same diff.

As if to try and prove Ben’s masulinity, they stuck him in a GI Joe jeep and made him drive himself to meet the ladies.

Notice how the windshield is blurred out?  I’m not entirely convinced they trusted him enough to drive the jeep on the freeway, but that’s just me.

KACIE B apparently thought it was best to wear a neon yellow scarf.

I mean….at least it matches the flowers? (I’m trying to stay positive here!)  Poor Blakely.  That girl looks put through it!!  (BAMBOOZLED, I say).

The Bachelor.  Brought to you by: 

Helicopters.

I don’t know what it is about the producers wanting to send everyone to their ‘very own’ tropical island.  This ain’t Survivor.

I also love how KACIE B kept mentioning how it’s their “private island.  Just me and Ben.”  Yeah, private except for you and Ben….and the camera man, the sound man, the producer, the director, the boom guy, the assistant….I could go on and on.

 KACIE B just stood there and let Ben do all the work and open the coconuts.

She should be called “LAZIE B.”  (Yay, puns!)

Ben made this face:

and we moved on. 

Even though I think she’s probably going to win and I really don’t hate KACIE B….I really don’t like her.  Plus I think she looks like a strap of leather.

Fix yo’ damn hair, girl!

I also don’t see how a second one-on-one date is the right time to talk about your struggle with anorexia and puking up Super Bowl goodies.

I mean…at the VERY least save that for the overnight date in the Fantasy Suite!!  What is it with these girls wanting to get deep at dinner?  If I were Ben I’d be like “here, take this rose.”

“But you can only accept it if you stop talking about your daddy issues or puking after Super Bowl parties.”  I can’t..

For the group date, the girls all went on a ‘man made boat’ (is there any other kind?) and went down the river…where it conveniently starting to rain prompting Courtney to exclaim:

“I’m so Wet.”  Courtney, ladies and gentleman.  Classiest proud this side of the Nile.  Speaking of class…

If you want me to believe that these ethnic children just HAPPENED to be playing soccer in loin clothes as the Bachelor Boat passed by, you must be out your damn MIND.  Additionally, isn’t this a little obscene/innappropriate for the 8PM family hour?

As it was, the scantily clad children led everyone to the village, where there just HAPPENED to be an entire community awaiting their arrival!

Including this man.

Back off, Grandpa.

Courtney really classed up this entire date.  Blur.

Ben, not wanting to be outdone, stepped up to the challenge.

Not that I am complaining.  I will complain about this:

Blur.

At some point during the day, apparently the blur was not enough and we had to move to the….

BLACK BAR OF DEATH.

Ah, the Black Bar of Death:  When a Blur just isn’t enough.

Later on Lindzeeeee ate Ben’s face

Janelle wore her finest stripper outfit:

(I know her name isn’t Janelle, but I feel like it should be).

Courtney made Ben really uncomfortable by essentially propositioning him.

And Janelle tried to really ‘get through’ to Ben and let him know just HOW MUCH she likes him.  Please note Crazy Ass Courtney in the background.

This whole scene was just one giant CRINGE.  Where is the BLACK BAR OF DEATH when you need it?

This chick REALLY tried to cover her tracks from the past two weeks when she threw Courtney under the bus.

And then she made this face:

And she STILL didn’t get the rose!  After all that!

Courtney put on her finest lipstick, put on her finest Tshirt and put together the finest bun and waited and waited for Ben to arrive at her room.

Unfortunately, he did not come.  SO SAD TOO BAD.

The two-on-one date was between Rachel and Blakely and they had the SUPER FUN date of being taught Salsa by the Spanish Serena Williams.

As if you had any doubt, Blakely’s girls also came on the date.

Hi ladies!!!

Wouldn’t it have made much more sense for Blakely to wear this dress instead?

At least then she would have had a strap to keep the ladies up.  And yes, that would have made more sense.  But this is The Bachelor.  It’s not supposed to make sense.  Why do I keep FORGETTING THAT?

Rachel was like…ALLLLL up in arms about the fact that Blakely would dain to do something as scandaloso as :::gasp::: put her leg around Ben while dancing!!!

In my opinion, Rachel’s face is more scandalous, but that’s just me.

What was that weird purple strobe light going off while Rachel and Ben talked?

Is there a dance party going on that no one told me about???!!!!

Blakely made one last ditch effort to bare her soul to Ben

but he utimately gave the rose to “I don’t smoke, my voice is just naturally this raspy” Rachel.  Which prompted Blakely to make this face:

BAMBOOZLED!!

Random shot of a cat in the street….

Blakely crying while Ben throws her in the cab….

 

And Skeletor waves her victory rose in the air. 

The End. 

When my boyfriend Chris Harrison shows up randomly during the day, you know it’s never going to be good news. 

Normally it’s fun bad news.  But this was just….I mean…it was very confusing. 

So apparently Chris got word from ‘three different people’ that homegirl here

(anyone know her name?  Anyone?  Anyone?)

has a boyfriend at home that she’s still in love with.  Okay well FIRST OF ALL, it’s an EX-boyfriend, and if she’s still in love with him, that’s beside the point!  Why not just let it be and let her get to the finale and then she’ll dump Ben because she’s still in love with her ex-boyfriend!  That would be the fun way to play things.  But whatever.  I loved how she started having a therapy session with Chris. 

 

He is the expert on all things relationship, afterall! 

When they went to go “surprise” Ben, he, SURPRISINGLY had an entire camera crew in there!

It’s almost as if they KNEW how this entire scenario was going to play out!

Ben made this adorable face

and then kicked her ass to the curb.

If nothing else, this situation gave us our first and only pensive shot of the episode.

They are REALLY lacking on those this season. 

Whatsherface had a breakdown in the hallway, spouting off about ‘well if it doesn’t work out with Ben, and I can’t go back to my ex-boyfriend because he doesn’t want to get married, WHAT WILL I DO???!!!’  The conversation led into some AWESOME ugly cries.

She is going to hate herself when she watches this later.  Best of luck to ya, chickee.  Oh, and you need therapy. (don’t we all)

The cocktail party was relatively uneventful, except for “Janelle” making one last desperate attempt to have Ben notice her.

Did anyone else cringe when her dress RIPPED upon straddling Ben?  Embarrrrrrrrassing.

She then tried to give Ben a kissing lesson.  Honey, you obviously haven’t been watching the show – he doesn’t need any lessons.  Ben, like us all, was visibly made uncomfortable by this whole scenario.

This face was made more than once by me.

You pain me, my child.  After this (and before, really) there was no question as to who would be going home.

BAMBOOZLED!!!!  She did it to herself, really.

And with one last pretty party parting shot…

Janelle and her stripper outfits were out of our lives….FOREVER!!!!!!

BAMBOOZLED.

Next week we go to Belize and the girls confront Ben about Courtney.

Oh.  This is gonna be gooooooood.