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Bachlor-Cap February 7, 2012

Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
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ALL RIGHT ALREADY!!!  It’s Kacie B!  KACIE KACIE KACIE!!!  I’m sorry for the confusing but…ya’ll…I can’t keep these girls straight.  Like, I don’t feel bad if I get their names wrong but if it confuses YOU, I will do my homework better. 

BAMBOOZLED!!  That is the theme of this episode – BAMBOOZLED!  Soooo many girls got BAMBOOZLED it was crazy.  But we’ll get that later.  First off…

Welcome to Texas!

Texas, Panama, whatevs.  Same diff.

As if to try and prove Ben’s masulinity, they stuck him in a GI Joe jeep and made him drive himself to meet the ladies.

Notice how the windshield is blurred out?  I’m not entirely convinced they trusted him enough to drive the jeep on the freeway, but that’s just me.

KACIE B apparently thought it was best to wear a neon yellow scarf.

I mean….at least it matches the flowers? (I’m trying to stay positive here!)  Poor Blakely.  That girl looks put through it!!  (BAMBOOZLED, I say).

The Bachelor.  Brought to you by: 

Helicopters.

I don’t know what it is about the producers wanting to send everyone to their ‘very own’ tropical island.  This ain’t Survivor.

I also love how KACIE B kept mentioning how it’s their “private island.  Just me and Ben.”  Yeah, private except for you and Ben….and the camera man, the sound man, the producer, the director, the boom guy, the assistant….I could go on and on.

 KACIE B just stood there and let Ben do all the work and open the coconuts.

She should be called “LAZIE B.”  (Yay, puns!)

Ben made this face:

and we moved on. 

Even though I think she’s probably going to win and I really don’t hate KACIE B….I really don’t like her.  Plus I think she looks like a strap of leather.

Fix yo’ damn hair, girl!

I also don’t see how a second one-on-one date is the right time to talk about your struggle with anorexia and puking up Super Bowl goodies.

I mean…at the VERY least save that for the overnight date in the Fantasy Suite!!  What is it with these girls wanting to get deep at dinner?  If I were Ben I’d be like “here, take this rose.”

“But you can only accept it if you stop talking about your daddy issues or puking after Super Bowl parties.”  I can’t..

For the group date, the girls all went on a ‘man made boat’ (is there any other kind?) and went down the river…where it conveniently starting to rain prompting Courtney to exclaim:

“I’m so Wet.”  Courtney, ladies and gentleman.  Classiest proud this side of the Nile.  Speaking of class…

If you want me to believe that these ethnic children just HAPPENED to be playing soccer in loin clothes as the Bachelor Boat passed by, you must be out your damn MIND.  Additionally, isn’t this a little obscene/innappropriate for the 8PM family hour?

As it was, the scantily clad children led everyone to the village, where there just HAPPENED to be an entire community awaiting their arrival!

Including this man.

Back off, Grandpa.

Courtney really classed up this entire date.  Blur.

Ben, not wanting to be outdone, stepped up to the challenge.

Not that I am complaining.  I will complain about this:

Blur.

At some point during the day, apparently the blur was not enough and we had to move to the….

BLACK BAR OF DEATH.

Ah, the Black Bar of Death:  When a Blur just isn’t enough.

Later on Lindzeeeee ate Ben’s face

Janelle wore her finest stripper outfit:

(I know her name isn’t Janelle, but I feel like it should be).

Courtney made Ben really uncomfortable by essentially propositioning him.

And Janelle tried to really ‘get through’ to Ben and let him know just HOW MUCH she likes him.  Please note Crazy Ass Courtney in the background.

This whole scene was just one giant CRINGE.  Where is the BLACK BAR OF DEATH when you need it?

This chick REALLY tried to cover her tracks from the past two weeks when she threw Courtney under the bus.

And then she made this face:

And she STILL didn’t get the rose!  After all that!

Courtney put on her finest lipstick, put on her finest Tshirt and put together the finest bun and waited and waited for Ben to arrive at her room.

Unfortunately, he did not come.  SO SAD TOO BAD.

The two-on-one date was between Rachel and Blakely and they had the SUPER FUN date of being taught Salsa by the Spanish Serena Williams.

As if you had any doubt, Blakely’s girls also came on the date.

Hi ladies!!!

Wouldn’t it have made much more sense for Blakely to wear this dress instead?

At least then she would have had a strap to keep the ladies up.  And yes, that would have made more sense.  But this is The Bachelor.  It’s not supposed to make sense.  Why do I keep FORGETTING THAT?

Rachel was like…ALLLLL up in arms about the fact that Blakely would dain to do something as scandaloso as :::gasp::: put her leg around Ben while dancing!!!

In my opinion, Rachel’s face is more scandalous, but that’s just me.

What was that weird purple strobe light going off while Rachel and Ben talked?

Is there a dance party going on that no one told me about???!!!!

Blakely made one last ditch effort to bare her soul to Ben

but he utimately gave the rose to “I don’t smoke, my voice is just naturally this raspy” Rachel.  Which prompted Blakely to make this face:

BAMBOOZLED!!

Random shot of a cat in the street….

Blakely crying while Ben throws her in the cab….

 

And Skeletor waves her victory rose in the air. 

The End. 

When my boyfriend Chris Harrison shows up randomly during the day, you know it’s never going to be good news. 

Normally it’s fun bad news.  But this was just….I mean…it was very confusing. 

So apparently Chris got word from ‘three different people’ that homegirl here

(anyone know her name?  Anyone?  Anyone?)

has a boyfriend at home that she’s still in love with.  Okay well FIRST OF ALL, it’s an EX-boyfriend, and if she’s still in love with him, that’s beside the point!  Why not just let it be and let her get to the finale and then she’ll dump Ben because she’s still in love with her ex-boyfriend!  That would be the fun way to play things.  But whatever.  I loved how she started having a therapy session with Chris. 

 

He is the expert on all things relationship, afterall! 

When they went to go “surprise” Ben, he, SURPRISINGLY had an entire camera crew in there!

It’s almost as if they KNEW how this entire scenario was going to play out!

Ben made this adorable face

and then kicked her ass to the curb.

If nothing else, this situation gave us our first and only pensive shot of the episode.

They are REALLY lacking on those this season. 

Whatsherface had a breakdown in the hallway, spouting off about ‘well if it doesn’t work out with Ben, and I can’t go back to my ex-boyfriend because he doesn’t want to get married, WHAT WILL I DO???!!!’  The conversation led into some AWESOME ugly cries.

She is going to hate herself when she watches this later.  Best of luck to ya, chickee.  Oh, and you need therapy. (don’t we all)

The cocktail party was relatively uneventful, except for “Janelle” making one last desperate attempt to have Ben notice her.

Did anyone else cringe when her dress RIPPED upon straddling Ben?  Embarrrrrrrrassing.

She then tried to give Ben a kissing lesson.  Honey, you obviously haven’t been watching the show – he doesn’t need any lessons.  Ben, like us all, was visibly made uncomfortable by this whole scenario.

This face was made more than once by me.

You pain me, my child.  After this (and before, really) there was no question as to who would be going home.

BAMBOOZLED!!!!  She did it to herself, really.

And with one last pretty party parting shot…

Janelle and her stripper outfits were out of our lives….FOREVER!!!!!!

BAMBOOZLED.

Next week we go to Belize and the girls confront Ben about Courtney.

Oh.  This is gonna be gooooooood.

Comments»

1. Wifey - February 7, 2012

I don’t know what that blonde girl’s name is either, so I just refer to her as Nicky Hilton. I hope she gets her own spin-off show in which she secretly plans her and her non-committal BF’s wedding and then gives him vodka and vicodin and tricks him into marrying her!

Also, I’m pretty sure you meant to say Blakely was BanBOOBled.

Finally, let’s discuss how great this season of Gossip Girl is and the depraved things we want to do to Chuck and Nate…You go first.

2. Erica - February 8, 2012

Brian we love you, we love your posts, we love your love of Chris Harrison 🙂


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