Bachelor-Cap February 28, 2012Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
This week of The Bachelor brought us something that has been desperately lacking this whole season. PENSIVE SHOTS!!!!!
Pensive in a car…
Pensive on a plane…
Still pensive on the plane…
God I’m so pensive on this plane…
And suddenly we’re in….SWITZERLAND!!!
I mean good Lord, Switzerland looks gorgeous. I remember when I was on a train going from Amsterdam to Munich we drove through the Swiss Alps. It was at night so I couldn’t see anything but I pictured it in my mind and it looked like this. But with more snow. And blonde people. And it was more Alpy. But other than that, exactly the same.
PENSIVE ON A BRIDGE!! If there’s one thing the Bachelor loves, it’s being pensive on a bridge!
The first date of the week was with oh Nikki you’re so fine, who gave us some good pensive looks while walking.
This has been the latest installment of “SWANS!!!”
Might I just say that the dates this week were TAME for the Bachelor. I mean really? No fire walking? No putting your head in a lion’s mouth? No kissing without chapstick? No, all we got was a helicopter (duh)
A wholllllle lot of converstaion…
and a challenge to see how many shots we could get of them looking small compared to the giant alps.
WE GET IT!! Switzerland has Mountains!!!
When I say there was a lot of conversation…looooord was there conversation. Nikki could barely contain herself. She muttered the ‘L’ word about 50 times and if I heard one more time about how her dad was like his dad I was gonna…and does anyone else think she looks like Maria Menudos?
What the WHAT was this outfit though?
I have a hard time with these last few episodes of the Bach because while a lot happens in theory…Nnnnnnot a lot actually happens! Couples talk, they talk some more, then they sit by a fire and….
TALK SOME MORE!!!! What do they talk about, you may ask?
“I love you I love you I’m finally ready I love you I love you.”
“Hair. Wine. Hair. Wine. Wine. Hair. Smashley. Wine. Opening up. Wine. Dad. Wine. Love. Wine.”
Oh, to be a fly on the wall in those fantasy suites.
You bored? I KNOW!! Like, what funny things can I write about Ben and Nikki? TWO OF THE MOST BORING PEOPLE EVER!! I fall asleep just thinking about them. Good thing we have Lindzeeeee up next. Because as we all know, she’s THRILLING.
I wonder if he’s noticing how bad her roots are just like we’re all noticing how bad her roots are. Eesh!
For Ben and Lindzeeee’s date they had the THRILLING task of repelling from a cliff. You could see they were thrilled.
I kinda like when they make Ben do all this crazy stuff. For as much as he preports to be the “MAN” you know he’s a panzy at heart.
Hold on Ben!!
Of course we had to have the obligatory “mid-air kiss” shot…
And before you knew it they were on the ground. Whole thing lasted a total of six seconds. It took me longer to write about it here than it did for them to get to the ground. And you KNOW that Lindzee was all about the ‘dangling love’ and ‘repelling for our future’ references the entire time they were doing it. Don’t even get me started on how Ben said ‘oh my Dad’ while repelling. *sigh*
And this has been the latest installment of “BABY SHEEP!!!!”
Obligatory hot tub and windmill shot…
and we cut to Ben looking adoooooorable in a yellow bow tie.
When he’s got it, he’s got it. Question though:
Does Lindzeee ever have it?
I have to say, I think the two of them may end up together. Did you notice how many times he said he was ‘falling in love’ with her? That means something coming from Ben! Now whether or not their night in the fantasy suite meant something or if it was just a quickie…
…well that’s debatable.
Uh Oh guys, I think Ben just saw boobies for the first time!!
(*sigh* I miss Smashley)
This coat looks like one my dad used to wear.
I may or may not have worn it to a 9th grade dance and it may or may not have been about six sizes too big for me. But that’s just an estimate.
Courtney and Ben are RIL excited to ride that train.
Ben and Courtney were going to make their own picnic and, lo and behold, a guy with a truck full of fruit just HAPPENED to be driving up just as they were walking up the hill!!!
What a CRAZY coincidence!!
And this as been the latest installment of “GOATS!!!!!!”
During their date, Courtney and Ben played an awesome game by the name of ‘hey cow.’
Ben, you might want to copywrite that shit real fast. Because before you know it, you’re going to start seeing a game called ‘Hey Cow’ in Target and your idea will be taken from you. It will become THAT popular. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
During their date, they talked a lot about how Ben is concerned about what the other girls said in regards to Courtney’s behavior.
Let me just say, this girl deserves and Oscar because she played the SHIT out of this scene.
“Oh, I’m so sad. Oh, that’s not me. Oh, I’m misunderstood.” No matter what Ben truly belives, he takes whatever Courtney said and just eats it right up. Cheers to you Court, for a very well played game.
Now let’s get it on in the hot tub!!!!!!!
What happened next was…well…a revelation. We all know how I feel about Emily, the former contestant on Brad’s season. Contestant/WINNER. Well she’s back as the new Bachelorette and she’s saaaaaad.
No, not about the fact that her husband died. And strangely not about the fact that she named her daughter ‘Ricki.’ No, she sad because she’s alonnnnnne. And she has no one to lovvvvve. All together now:
Well the GOOD NEWS is that she’s willing to fly out to LA so she can meet up with her bestie best friends Smashley….
And Awful Ali!!!!!
The girls went shopping with her (how Pretty Women of them) and then got makeovers!!
Because…you know…they don’t know how to do their own makeup or anything (well, I guess Ali doesn’t so maybe this outing was necessary).
Good thing we hired all that paparazzi for our fun little girls’ day out!!
As a special treat to the girls, they were sent to see Titanic in 3D. All while wearing really, really short dresses.
Apparently Emily didn’t pay attention while recieving her makeover because she still insists on wearing these clunky glasses everywhere.
Come on girl, get your act together.
After the movie, they all hugged goodbye and clinked some champage so as to cheer Emily on. Gag. Snooze. Bore. Michelle Money when you need her?
Back in Svitzerland, we had the obligatory ‘four place contestant comes back to win back said Bachelor/Bachelorette’ moment. And who could it beeee now but……
KACIE B!!!!! And she looks piiiiiiiiisssed.
In all honesty she couldn’t have waited any longer before knocking on this damn door.
She held her hand there for what felt like a million years. I just kept shouting “KNOCK ALREADY!!!!!!!!!”
As expected, Ben was super stoked to see her.
Him saying over and over again ‘I don’t know what to say’ reeeeeally didn’t help the situation either. Tension easer? Not s’much.
Kacie B. tried to give him her sexiest seduction face
and when that didn’t help to win him back, she decided to just go for it and tell Ben the ugly truth about Courtney. Which, as we all knew he would, Ben took super well.
“I don’t know what to say!”
“LOVE ME AGAIN!!!!”
“I don’t know what to say.”
After he didn’t know what to say a million times, he kicked Kacie B. to the curb and she was so exhasuted by all of this ridiculousness, she, like America, had to lay down.
Chris Harrison, to me, you are perfect.
That is all.
I’m sooooo bored by these people. Let’s wrap this up quickly. Here we have the creepy shrine to the ladies…
The three ladies ready for the firing squad…
and Josh Groban.
As expected, Lindzeeeeee and Courtneyyyy got roses which means that our favorite Nikki got the boot.
She took it relatively well, which just pisses me off.
I expect a meltdown, dammit!!
The previews for the reunion special and the finale didn’t really reveal anything spicy, but they did show us this shot again.
Which always makes me happy. Only two more weeks!!
PS I think I have Carpal Tunnel. Later, ya’ll!!!