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Bachelor-Cap March 13, 2012

Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
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Okay – all together now:  “IT’S OVERRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”  What was perhaps the WORST BACHELOR SEASON EVER is over.  And yes, I’m including Ali, and Jillian, and Brad 2.0 (okay, who am I kidding, Brad’s season was amazing).  We all knew the result going in (and if you didn’t you clearly haven’t seen any celebrity magazine in the past two months) but Ben gave us a few golden moments before slinking away into Bachelor obscurity. 

Oh, and I’m warning you now – any time you heard the word “Matterhorn,” take a shot.

No Bachelor finale is complete without a starting pensive shot –

Only to be followed by a CLOSE UP pensive shot!

Ben has so many layers.

KITTY!!!

This has been the latest installment of “KITTY!!!”

Ben’s mom and sister showed up to help Ben judge pick the girls and all I have to say is…..CAPE!!!!

Seriously ya’ll, capes are the RAGE in Switzerland this time of year.

Is it just me, or does Sister Julia look like my homegirl Alanis?

Am I right or am I riiiiiiight? 

The girls put me through it this episode.  It was the exact same things we had heard from them over and over this entire season.  Just a complete snooze-fest.  First up to meet the mom and sister was Lindzeeeeeee.

Can someone (anyone) PLEASE teach this girl how to do her makeup?!??!  She CAKES it on!

She also caked on the charm with Barb and Julia, flashing those damn dimples every chance she got.

During a commercial break, Hulu advertised Seasons 1 and 2 of “I Love New York.”

It was at that point, and every point during the next hour and ten minutes after, that I wished I was watching “I Love New York” instead.

Hey Ben- nice sweater.

Bill Cosby he is not.

Ben had more thinking to do later on in the morning – cue Ben’s ‘thinking’ face:

Of course Barb and Julia showed up to judge meet Courtney, and Julia wore herself a jaunty little hat!
 

Werq it gurl.

Right off the bat, everyone hit it off splendidly as evidenced by the looks on their faces.

Fun times had by all!!  You know what is more fun than this conversation though?  THE MATTERHORN!!!!!!!

Honestly, if they showed one more DAMN shot of this DAMN mountain, I was going to jump off the DAMN roof.  WE GET IT!!!  You’re in Switzerland!!  It’s pretty!!  Matterhorn!!!!  Oof.  What do you have to say about the Matterhorn Miss Julia?

Exactly.  And what the hell are you wearing child?

Oy.

Ben and his sister have quite an odd relationship.  First of all, he’s always trying to hug her.  And secondly, I think he picked Courtney because she looks like his sister a bit.

He freaky-deaky like that.

I’m also freaky-deaky’d out by Lindzeeeee’s necklace.

Lindzee’s necklace:  brought to you by the teeth of the fallen female contestants that came before her.

For their last date, they thought it would be fun to take a tram up to the top of a mountain and go skiing.  Okay, that’s fun.  But then to have the tram stop in the middle and just hang there?!!!??  Terrifying!!!

I don’t know why he insists on doing these death defying dates.  Like, go traditional and see a movie or something dude.

Their date was seriously uneventful.  It was just a whole lot of ‘I’m in love with you love with you I love you’

And then some more “I love you you complete me love you love you love you”

I didn’t even care about watching because I knew what the end result was.  And I’d heard it all from Lindzeeee before.  Snooze.  NEXT!!

Ugh.  Nevermind.  Can we go back to Lindzeee?

Snooze.  Kissing in a helicopter….

Making snow angels…

Sledding…

This is like the grossest Hallmark Holiday commercial I’ve ever seen.

At night, Courtney decided to bring up the fact that none of the girls like her…AGAIN!!!

WE GET IT!!!! MOVE ON!!!!

She then wrote/spoke all of her feelings to Ben and included many stock Bachelor phrases that we’ve heard over the years including “you feel like home to me,” “I love so much about you,” and who can forget “you’re my past, present and future.”  I chose to leave out “oh my Dad.”

Time for the final day pensive photos!!!!!  On a balcony…

In the mirror…. (slather on that makeup girl)

Through a window…

And we bring the whole thing full circle by ending on….

A balcony (with tea!!!!)

Ben, you want to join in here?

Thanks for your contribution to this, and everything really.

When we see our favorite guest star NEIL LANEEEEEEE

We know the episode is coming to an end (thank Dad).

MATTERHORN!!!!!

CAPES!!!

CAPES!!!!

Chris Harrison holding a cape!!!!!

Cue Lindzee realizing she lost in 3….

2….

1.

And with that, we say ‘farewell’ to a girl we never though would make it past week 1 (this girl and that damn horse).  Of course Ben has to show that he’s so saaaaaaad….

But he don’t curr because he’s having sex with Courtney tonight!!  I was really disappointed in Lindzeeeee’s exit scene.  We barely got a tear!  We did, however, get one giant man hand.

Yikes.

CAPE IN A HELICOPTER!!!!

CAPE!!!!!

Chris Harrison and CAPE!!!!!

Courtney seriously looks like an evil queen, and her long black gloves to not help to refute that statement.

If she pulls an apple out at any point, my ass is out of here. 

Ugh.  I’m so bored.  Okay girl – you won.

The real winner in all of this though…is THE MATTERHORN!!!!

Seriously.  Why didn’t Ben just propose to the Matterhorn?  Matterhorn Matterhorn Matterhorn (you drunk yet?)  Btw, I don’t know what’s worse – Lindzeeee’s man hands or Courtney’s ape arms?

Of course Courtney couldn’t let the season end without one last creepy moment with a rose.

And I couldn’t let you all leave without one last shot of…….

THE MATTERHORN!!!!!!!!

Sergio has previewed After the Final Rose for me and apparently it’s amazing.  I can’t wait to watch.  And by that I mean….I HATE THIS SHOW!!!!  (slash love)

Bachelor Bonus March 12, 2012

Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
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A week late?  You bet.  Behind the times?  Totally.  But as the saying goes:  “Late is better than The Bachelor.”  Oh wait, that’s not the saying?  Whatevs.  I’m gonna go with it.

So last week was The Women Tell All special and I hate to say it but…there wasn’t very much that was ‘special’ about it.  You know what was special, though?

Chris Harrison, to me, you are perfect.

Before we caught up with our favorite friends, we visited some past contestants at a ‘Bachelor Reunion.’   Also known as:  “How many people from The Bachelor can I sleep with?”  Also known as:  “Contestants for the next Bachelor Pad.”  That being said, it definitely wasn’t a shock to see this chica there.

And I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for Reid, as boring as he might be..

This ass-hat Jon Hamm wannabe is back…

As is ‘oh dear God pick me I’d be perfect for the Bachelor’ Ryan.

And of course, Michelle Money.

Because you can’t say the words ‘Bachelor’ without Michelle Money showing up and saying “WHERE??!!”

By now you should all know my feelings about this awful person.

Who apparently thinks all you need to do to dress up is throw on a sparkly top.  *sigh* And this girl has had HOW many makeovers?  You can lead the horse to water…

Frank is back…

And gorgeous as ever.  I loved me some Frank.

So yes, be prepared to see these idiots on Bachelor Pad this summer.  I don’t know why they’re already pimping that show out – don’t we have Emily’s season of Bachelorette to suffer through watch first?

As far as the Girls Tell All special itself, there REALLY wasn’t much to report on?  The audience was shocked by a lot

This face was made multiple times…

and the girls had their very own pretty party.  Over and over and over again. 

Seriously.  Just a non-stop barrage of pretty parties.  Even the audience got in on the act.

Can someone please tell me where this girl came from and why is she just awful? 

I mean…AWFUL in every sense of the word.  Awful to look at, awful to watch, awful to listen to.

AWFUL!

Yeah yeah, yuk it up bozo.  You’re no great shakes either.

This was also the episode where “Tattle tale Emily” went from bad, to worse.

I’ve never wanted to muzzle something more in my life. 

Speaking of muzzling, Chantal was back.

And homegirl’s appearance can be summed up in a series of pictures.

Chantal, ladies and gentlemen.

Emily apparently wanted to show us that she’s just like Courtney, so she let the girls come to play.

My thoughts on this?

No thanks, I’m good.

No strange girl, no one knows who you are.  And I said I’m good.

Kthxbyeeeee.  All of our thoughts on this rando stranger can be summed up in one picture:

So while, yes, we did have to see many girls who were just insufferable this entire season it was all worth it because we got to see one of the greatest scenes in all of Bachelor history again!!!!  This time with an EXTRA FACE!!!

Oh Kacie B., what did we ever do to deserve you?

I want Chris Harrison’s tie.

That is all.

You know what Kacie B. might want?

A razor to combat those side burns!!  Am I right Chris Harrison, or am I right?

I’m right.

Though typically neither of the top two girls visit The Women Tell All special, Courtney made an appearance so the girls could confront talk to her about her behavior on the show.  While you think they might be upset with her, I’m her to tell you they were very supportive, and sensitive to her feelings!

The audience, too.

I have to say, while I think she is awful, Courtney did look quite pretty.

 

 

This chick does not agree.

And, suffice to say, neither does Awful Emily.

 

SHUT UP!!!

Shut it, and keep it classy, ladies!

Upon seeing Courtney cry, the girls immediately started feeling bad.

Oh wait – no they didn’t.

Before we ended the episode, we had the misfortune pleasure of seeing our Bachelor Ben.

SNOOZE!!!

“Ben, why didn’t you like me back?”

SNOOZE!!

“Ben, I really loved you.”

SNOOZE.

Again with this girl’s face.

But I’m not terribly disappointed.  Get naked Ben.  It’s all you have going for you.

After a massive group hug

This trainwreck of an episode was over. 

So tonight is the big ‘finale.’  Who will Ben pick?  Well I will tell you that he picks someone we don’t want him to pick and that they’re already broken up.  Don’t mean to spoil anything for you but this season of the Bachelor has been left out of the fridge for long enough, it’s already spoiled!!!