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Bachelor-Cap March 13, 2012

Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
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Okay – all together now:  “IT’S OVERRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”  What was perhaps the WORST BACHELOR SEASON EVER is over.  And yes, I’m including Ali, and Jillian, and Brad 2.0 (okay, who am I kidding, Brad’s season was amazing).  We all knew the result going in (and if you didn’t you clearly haven’t seen any celebrity magazine in the past two months) but Ben gave us a few golden moments before slinking away into Bachelor obscurity. 

Oh, and I’m warning you now – any time you heard the word “Matterhorn,” take a shot.

No Bachelor finale is complete without a starting pensive shot –

Only to be followed by a CLOSE UP pensive shot!

Ben has so many layers.

KITTY!!!

This has been the latest installment of “KITTY!!!”

Ben’s mom and sister showed up to help Ben judge pick the girls and all I have to say is…..CAPE!!!!

Seriously ya’ll, capes are the RAGE in Switzerland this time of year.

Is it just me, or does Sister Julia look like my homegirl Alanis?

Am I right or am I riiiiiiight? 

The girls put me through it this episode.  It was the exact same things we had heard from them over and over this entire season.  Just a complete snooze-fest.  First up to meet the mom and sister was Lindzeeeeeee.

Can someone (anyone) PLEASE teach this girl how to do her makeup?!??!  She CAKES it on!

She also caked on the charm with Barb and Julia, flashing those damn dimples every chance she got.

During a commercial break, Hulu advertised Seasons 1 and 2 of “I Love New York.”

It was at that point, and every point during the next hour and ten minutes after, that I wished I was watching “I Love New York” instead.

Hey Ben- nice sweater.

Bill Cosby he is not.

Ben had more thinking to do later on in the morning – cue Ben’s ‘thinking’ face:

Of course Barb and Julia showed up to judge meet Courtney, and Julia wore herself a jaunty little hat!
 

Werq it gurl.

Right off the bat, everyone hit it off splendidly as evidenced by the looks on their faces.

Fun times had by all!!  You know what is more fun than this conversation though?  THE MATTERHORN!!!!!!!

Honestly, if they showed one more DAMN shot of this DAMN mountain, I was going to jump off the DAMN roof.  WE GET IT!!!  You’re in Switzerland!!  It’s pretty!!  Matterhorn!!!!  Oof.  What do you have to say about the Matterhorn Miss Julia?

Exactly.  And what the hell are you wearing child?

Oy.

Ben and his sister have quite an odd relationship.  First of all, he’s always trying to hug her.  And secondly, I think he picked Courtney because she looks like his sister a bit.

He freaky-deaky like that.

I’m also freaky-deaky’d out by Lindzeeeee’s necklace.

Lindzee’s necklace:  brought to you by the teeth of the fallen female contestants that came before her.

For their last date, they thought it would be fun to take a tram up to the top of a mountain and go skiing.  Okay, that’s fun.  But then to have the tram stop in the middle and just hang there?!!!??  Terrifying!!!

I don’t know why he insists on doing these death defying dates.  Like, go traditional and see a movie or something dude.

Their date was seriously uneventful.  It was just a whole lot of ‘I’m in love with you love with you I love you’

And then some more “I love you you complete me love you love you love you”

I didn’t even care about watching because I knew what the end result was.  And I’d heard it all from Lindzeeee before.  Snooze.  NEXT!!

Ugh.  Nevermind.  Can we go back to Lindzeee?

Snooze.  Kissing in a helicopter….

Making snow angels…

Sledding…

This is like the grossest Hallmark Holiday commercial I’ve ever seen.

At night, Courtney decided to bring up the fact that none of the girls like her…AGAIN!!!

WE GET IT!!!! MOVE ON!!!!

She then wrote/spoke all of her feelings to Ben and included many stock Bachelor phrases that we’ve heard over the years including “you feel like home to me,” “I love so much about you,” and who can forget “you’re my past, present and future.”  I chose to leave out “oh my Dad.”

Time for the final day pensive photos!!!!!  On a balcony…

In the mirror…. (slather on that makeup girl)

Through a window…

And we bring the whole thing full circle by ending on….

A balcony (with tea!!!!)

Ben, you want to join in here?

Thanks for your contribution to this, and everything really.

When we see our favorite guest star NEIL LANEEEEEEE

We know the episode is coming to an end (thank Dad).

MATTERHORN!!!!!

CAPES!!!

CAPES!!!!

Chris Harrison holding a cape!!!!!

Cue Lindzee realizing she lost in 3….

2….

1.

And with that, we say ‘farewell’ to a girl we never though would make it past week 1 (this girl and that damn horse).  Of course Ben has to show that he’s so saaaaaaad….

But he don’t curr because he’s having sex with Courtney tonight!!  I was really disappointed in Lindzeeeee’s exit scene.  We barely got a tear!  We did, however, get one giant man hand.

Yikes.

CAPE IN A HELICOPTER!!!!

CAPE!!!!!

Chris Harrison and CAPE!!!!!

Courtney seriously looks like an evil queen, and her long black gloves to not help to refute that statement.

If she pulls an apple out at any point, my ass is out of here. 

Ugh.  I’m so bored.  Okay girl – you won.

The real winner in all of this though…is THE MATTERHORN!!!!

Seriously.  Why didn’t Ben just propose to the Matterhorn?  Matterhorn Matterhorn Matterhorn (you drunk yet?)  Btw, I don’t know what’s worse – Lindzeeee’s man hands or Courtney’s ape arms?

Of course Courtney couldn’t let the season end without one last creepy moment with a rose.

And I couldn’t let you all leave without one last shot of…….

THE MATTERHORN!!!!!!!!

Sergio has previewed After the Final Rose for me and apparently it’s amazing.  I can’t wait to watch.  And by that I mean….I HATE THIS SHOW!!!!  (slash love)

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Comments»

1. wifey - March 13, 2012

My Bachelor Drinking Game includes taking a shot every time I unwittingly yell, “I HATE THIS SHOW!”

I was drunk ten minutes in.

2. Kevin - March 13, 2012

I have never watched this show but follow your ‘caps.’ It is clearly beyond bizarre that the bachelor guy whores around with every single woman that’s left every single week and THEN picks ‘the love of his life’?!? The whole premise is pretty sick. Oh – and scripted.

Anyway, I was flipping through channels when I happened upon the last few minutes of the show, just before the bachelor proposed to the ‘winner.’ I don’t think I’ve ever seen two more uncomfortable people in my life. They couldn’t even look each other in the eyes when they said their lovey words to each other. They seemed bored the minute the ‘moment’ was done and they seemed resigned during the moment. Pathetic doesn’t even cover it.

I guess they’re all in it for their 15 minutes and whatever money they get for being in the contest. Stupid show. You deserve a prize for sticking through it all the way.

(still waiting for a Disney World report, with pictures.)

3. wifey - March 15, 2012

Where’s the After the Final Rose-cap? I DEMAND ONE! I DEMAND IT!!!!!!

PS I used the expression, “titty soup” the other day and thought of you. Is it too much information to tell you I used that expression whilst having a bath?


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