Bachelor-Cap January 17, 2012Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
Yeah, I’m back. What of it. These girls are too good to pass up.
Am I the only one that misses a little bit of them staying at the house? I mean, Sonoma, San Fran, Park City, I’m sure these are all great places but what happened to old school Bachelor when they would go to the fancy places at the END?! Whatever. I care but I don’t care.
If I was the Bachelor (which I’m not, trust) there is no way in HELL you would get me to walk up this kind of a hill just for a pensive shot.
We get it – San Fran has hills. Duh.
I kinda thought his sister was pretty.
If it wasn’t gross and wrong, I would say the two of THEM should date. But it is sick and wrong so whatever, moving on.
I think it’s time for a….PRETTY PARTY!!!
This concludes the latest version of PRETTY PARTY!
Some chick named Emily got the first one-on-one.
Yeah, I don’t know either.
Their first date wasn’t a cute air balloon ride, or a picnic by a waterfall. Oh no. Their first date was to WALK UP THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE!!!
No. Hell no. Let me tell you what I think about this date.
No. Hell no. HELLLLLLLLL NO!! Are you outcho’ DAMN MIND?!?!
No way in a million years. The end.
The girls…somehow…were able to spy on them like pirates.
Is that a hickey on her neck?
While I’ve never been there, San Francisco looks super pretty.
Basically the opposite of this:
Ben and what’shername’s date went so well they decided to eat each others’ face at dinner.
And then this happened.
During my viewing of this, a Hulu ad played. Only I didn’t know it was a Hulu ad at first and I thought “when did that girl come on The Bachlor?”
Can you blame me? Btw, I don’t believe this is the first time I’ve made fun of this girl. I am an awful human being.
I have to admit, I think this group date is kind of awesome.
Skiing down a big San Fran street? Hell yes! Speaking of ‘hell yes…’
Hell yes Ben, hell yes. This on the other hand….
Oh girls. Hell no.
For the final one-on-one date, the girl who brought her Grandma was given the KEY TO THE CITY!
This proposed first date was apparently too much for her to handle and she went into an emotional tailspin.
Ultimately deciding to leave.
Truly, truly, Ben couldn’t throw her into that cab fast enough.
“Say hi to your Grandma for me!”
Oh Ben. Something tells me he doesn’t deal well with rejection.
So with Grandma girl gone, clearly there was a spot open for another one-on-one and who gets the sloppy seconds?
And let me tell you…homegirl was RIL excited about it.
The trolley car, the ice cream, the Chinatown everything was just…gag.
I loved how when they went to City Hall they needed a ‘key’ to get in. You KNOW that key necklace was supposed to be what they were going to use but then Grandma Girl already had it and you can’t give TWO keys to the city out! Duh.
Ladies and gentleman…
As it turns out, this is Matt Nathanson and I actually have loved his music for years…I wouldn’t feel right about making fun of him. It just wouldn’t be right. Now back to making fun of this chick.
Ugh. Get a room already.
AGAIN with this damn piano?!?!
I want this tie.
This chick is WAY too into Ben already.
She couldn’t stop gushing, throwing around the “L” word. Calm down chickadee. Its been three weeks. Dial back the crazy (advice for us all, really).
All episode long they had been teasing the return of one of Ben’s ex-girlfriends, perhaps? A friend? Who knows! My mother spoiled it for me and told me that Chantal was coming back but when they showed her boobs I was like “those boobs aren’t big enough for Chanterellemushroom.” But wait! It wasn’t THAT Chantal, it was……
Is it just me or does Chantal and the crazy eyebrow look a little alike?
Slash a lot alike.
My FAVORITE thing this entire episode was when Chantal did an ENTIRE walk across the room and all of the girls were so engrossed in their conversation that none of them looked up. None. Not until the end when, you guessed it…
Eyebrow’s McGee noticed her.
After Chris Harrison (whose outfits have been so boring they’re not even worth mentioning) introduced Chantal to the girls, it was very clear they were going to take it well.
It was also clear that Ben was THRILLED to see her.
Honestly, he could barely contain his excitement.
The girls understood this was a bit of a sensitive situation so they made sure to give them plenty of privacy and space.
They were so sweet, masking whatever uncomfortable feelings they may be feeling…
…and not saying a thing against Chantal, giving her the utmost respect.
I think they really understood that, while a bold move, Chantal was putting her heart on the line and they appreciated that.
At the rose ceremony, eyebrows wasn’t sure if she was going to stay due to Chantal’s presence but I’ll be damned if she didn’t snatch up that rose and start doing weird things with it.
This chick was having a tough moment.
Just….overall. I mean, the rose ceremony was putting her THROUGH IT.
Speaking of being put through it…
Lawd, this chick. Did she drink too much? Did she not drink enough? We’ll never know. God Bless Ben and his quick reaction, though.
Fool stood in place the entire time. GO CHECK ON HER, ASS HAT!!
She’s okay!!! Phew. I was so worried for those 2.5 seconds.
Chantal could sense the rejection and she was not pissed about it AT ALL.
“A tank of gas and a new dress for THIS?!”
After Ben gave her the heave-ho, he had one of, I’d say, the more uncomfortable goodbyes I’ve seen on this show.
Well, that is until he left the passing out girl alone on the chair in the dark.
Good ol’ Ben, always gotta out-do himself!!!
Oh, and a fight between eyebrows McGee and that blonde chick that walked up the bridge but we don’t really care about that, do we? Utah!
Bachelor-Cap January 10, 2012Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
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This show, I mean honestly.
I try to not blog about it, really I do. I am a busy, very important person. Hello. So I think “oh, I can just WATCH The Bachelor, no problem!” But then the girls go and do things that just….I can’t NOT comment on it! Like when Kacie B. did the damn heart thing last week
There is literally something inside of me that says ‘I cannot let this girl get away with this without making fun of her.’ Whatever. It’s who I am people, I was born this way.
Week number two and already we’re in Ben’s hometown. This guy moves fast. We were introduced to someone we heard a lot about on Smashley’s season of The Bachelorette…
…Scotch the dog. Remember this face, people. You won’t soon forget it by the end of this post.
Unfortunately, the girls were also in Sonoma, drinking and driving.
This breaks like, 100 different rules.
That outfit (like many things on this show) just does not make sense.
What does make PERFECT sense, however, is this adorable picture of Ben from yesteryear:
I mean, how cute is he? And that BOW TIE!!
The majority of the girls this season (and every season, really) make me go
That being said, I do feel like Groban made a pretty good choice in picking “Kacie B.” for his first one-on-one. I put quotations around ‘Kacie B.’ because he could never just say ‘Kacie.’ Always had to add that damn ‘B.’ We know who you’re talking about! No need to add the damn B!!
Of course by now we all know who Kacie B. is….you guessed it.
That DAYUM Hand-Heart girl.
Ugh. So painful.
ALMOST as painful as KACIE B’s outfit the entire episode. Let’s look, shall we?
The BOOTIE SHORTS!
The BOOTS! The boots WITH the bootie shorts!! The boots with the bootie shorts with the striped shirt I just…yeesh!
By the way, how awkward was it meeting his two ‘hometown’ friends who just happened to be strolling through town when there wasn’t ANYone else in the entire city?
“Hi, I’m Renee.”
“Hi, I’m Kacie B. I’m one of twenty-five…excuse me…TWENTY girls vying for Ben’s attention and love! It’s nice to meet you! I like stripes and booties shorts and making hearts with my hand. Now step aside bitch, Ben is mine.”
Yeah. It was awkward. Not as awkward, however, as when Kacie B. asked Ben how many ‘licks’ it took to get to the ‘center.’
Take your sex games elsewhere, people. This is a family show.
What one item could improve Kacie B’s outfit? You guessed it.
That girl was DAMN smart to show him her baton skills though because she was pretty good at is and now he’ll remember her!
Seriously though, WHERE IS EVERYONE?
Back at the house, the group date was announced and this face was made.
Back on the one-on-one, pleasentries were out of the way and it was time to get down to the REALLY important stuff –
EATNG FACE!! WAHOO!!
I’m all about ‘special moments’ on dates, but this special moment was a bit TOO special. I mean…showing home videos of Kacie B and Ben when they were kids?
That can get a little heavy. Especially when they play that sad, sappy music in the background of it. You guys know Ben’s dad died like, six years ago, right?
Oh you DO and that’s why you played the home video? You are SMART, Bachelor producers!
So the date ends, it was the greatest date either one of them have had, blah blah blah, and then we’re on to the group date. Also known as:
BLAKLEY. I can’t with that name, by the way. Blakley (hereby now known as ‘horseley’) ran that shit so hard, she was practically Beyonce.
The girls had to put on a play written by children. Basically everyone’s perfect first date. Only it wasn’t written by children it was written by…….MADY GOSSELIN.
Seriously!! It’s Mady FRIGGIN Gosselin! The pits! She pretended like it was her show to run and heaven forbid anyone else get in her way. She was so commanding, they are thinking about making her the next Bachelorette. Tune in this fall, only on ABC. As expected, the girls ‘auditions’ were awful, but luckily Horseley brought her A Game.
Or rather, her DD game. Mady Gosselin was NOT having it.
After the play was ‘cast’ hilarious hijinks ensued.
So where is the show going? Broadway? Off-Off Broadway?
Yeah, no shit.
Overall, the play deserved one big thumbs down.
There we go.
I have to say, I’m trying reeeeally hard to not like Ben. I mean, it’s Ben. Groban. The guy couldn’t even bag Smashley. He’s not the prettiest in the bunch, he’s kinda dull, he talkes too much about wine…well actually one cannot talk enough about wine but that’s beside the point. Anyway, I’m trying hard to not like him but after this…
And then this…
Frankly, I’m torn. It’s the same with writing about this show. Part of me is like
but then the other part of me is like
So it’s a catch-22.
The pool party after the Tony winning performance of “The Prince from Pinot” (or whatever the hell the play was called) was a success. And by ‘success’ I mean we had outfits like this:
Something that, in my mind as least, fills a void we haven’t seen since Brad’s season
And lots and lots of eating face in water.
And we all know what happens at the end of these “makeout soup” sessions.
So the second one-on-one was with eyebrows. And yeah right if I remember her name. This chick:
Also along for the ride?
Ben’s plan for this date was to grab Scotch, grab the girl, take her to the woods…
And…I mean, what? Kill her? What kind of date is this!? TV Cameras or no if a guy took me out to the woods where NO ONE was around in the middle of friggin NOWHERE….let’s just say I would look as terrified as Scotch does.
And what is this pose, Benjamin?
Yeah Scotch, I feel like howling for help too.
This whole date, honestly, the whole thing, was just one massive helping of ‘I CAN’T,’ cumulating in this:
And then we’re driving a trator..
And then we’re walking down a vineyard bordered by candles…
Don’t forget this is TOTALLY NORMAL for a first date, people. Remember that on your next first date and demand nothing less than Bachelor-level perfection.
While I think she (yes ‘she’ because I can’t remember her name and I’m too lazy to look it up) was actually quite natural with Ben and they had good conversation together, I just couldn’t get past those damn eyebrows.
‘Model,’ my ass.
Then after Ben gave her the rose she went all creep-o on us and like, rubbed it all over her body.
Honestly I need a camera on me while I watch this show because the faces I make would kill you. They can best be summed up, however, like this face montage:
Thanks for the help, ladies!!
Allright, let’s sum the rest of this epsiode up because I’m tired and these women put me through it. Basically my favorite person ever Jenna got HELLA drunk and that was the moment Ben took the opportunity to talk to her, resulting in her putting a blanket on a candle
and repeatedly telling Ben that she was ‘like a guy.’
She’s my favorite pretty princess ever.
I can’t wait to read her blog!
The girl from Wicked was mean to Horseley
so Horseley went and cried by some luggage.
Jenna passed out before the rose ceremony but she made it there just in time and brought her friend ‘Chicken cutlet’ along for the festivities.
Ben gave roses to everyone except for that one really tragic girl who had the black roots under her bleached blonde hair and…yup, you guessed it…..(all together now)
As she has with everything else this entire season, she took it very well.
And that was all she wrote!! Literally! Get it? Because she’s a blogger? And she went home? So ‘that’s all she wrote?’ Ugh. Forget it. See you next week.
If you’re lucky.
Bachelor-Cap January 3, 2012Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
So…I really don’t think I’m going to recap The Bachelor this season. Frankly I don’t have the time for it and by the time I’m home on Tuesday I’m exhausted and don’t have the energy. By the time I get to capping it and blogging about it, you all have already read all about the episode and will have lost interest. That being said…
I blogged the first episode of The Bachelor. Don’t get your hopes up by thinking I’ll do it again (although I probably will).
I still hate the fact that J. Groban is The Bachelor. I mean Brad may have been ridiculously retarded but at least he was hot. At least he had that cross tattoo. I’m not really sure what Ben brings to the table. Here is what we did learn about him in this first episode though:
1. He can carry wood.
2. He can play the piano.
3. He can rock a pensive look like nobody’s business.
Check, check, and check. Okay fine. I guess he is perfectly qualified to be The Bachelor. Whatevs.
The girls this season put me through it already. I guess when Ben is your Bachelor you’re scraping the bottom of the barrel and that’s pretty true for the girls too.
Class acts all the way. No wonder someone texted her this:
What is refreshing to know though, is that 24 girls are going to get this text message this season and I’m willing to guess that the winner will end up receiving this text message at some point too.
We all know how I feel about people that do this:
Really? Not only is she doing the ‘hand heart,’ she’s doing it on a bridge and from a distance. No. No. Just…no.
Speaking of things ‘I can’t’ with…
The blogger chick was one of my favorites. And by ‘favorites’ I mean ‘get her off of my screen as soon as possible.’ This next picture, by the way, is tragic foreshadowing:
She’s a reeeeeeeally good blogger, btw. Totally a Carrie Bradshaw.
Then this outfit happened.
Let me just say….
The arrival of the girls was extra special this time around. This dress happened…
Jillian the previous Bachelorette is back and apparently her hands smell like bacon…
I can’t with this whole situation…
This chick really is tv gold.
I mean, between the nose, the chin, the accent, the poem, and the constant reference to her being a ‘dork,’….well I think we all know where she’s going at the end of this episode.
And then we had this.
Ugh. Do you people not just cringe the entire time you watch this show or is that just me?
Drink up girls!
That will surely help things later on in the evening.
Ben really is just the prettiest Bachelor we’ve ever had, don’t you think?
I want to braid his hair.
The spelling of this girls’ name:
Grandma still being on my screen:
A girl rapping about diseases:
With multiple drinks and a girl who’s not really into Ben comes…
I didn’t really get this whole situation. Blogger was mad at blondie for….something….
And Blondie…was like…mean to her…or something…
And then the blogger cried….or..whatever that face is…
And then Josh Groban came…
…and everything was fine.
I don’t understand women.
I also don’t understand at what point this show turned into the Bad Girls Club.
WHAT are these outfits??!!!!
Ugh, the rose ceremony.
You don’t need to know anything about this except for the fact that this homegirl got a rose.
And then hell froze over.
As far as the girls that went home? Well say goodbye to Canadian Bacon
Say goodbye to my favorite pretty princess in the whole wide world
And say goodbye to this chick, who took being broken up with by a guy she knew twenty minutes very well.
Oy. It’s gonna be a season, isn’t it? Cheers to that!
Lots of fun stuff happened in the previews including tears, nudity and apparently what looks like Ben getting broken up with on a mountain.
Ooooohhh….le scandeloso! Can’t wait to see THAT happen!
Until next time…..or not….we’ll see…
GLEE-CAP!!! December 21, 2011Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
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To what do my wander eyes may appear, but a Glee-cap and…eight tiny reindeer? Wait, that’s not right. But it’s completely beside the point because even though I haven’t been doing them this season and even though the show has been GAWD awful I got my act together for a Christmas Glee-Cap!
Can we all just agree that this episode was awful? I’m happy Trouty Mouth is back, I’m happy that Santana has had lots to do this season but there is just so much FILLER that I’m like…snooooozefest. The songs have been relatively lovely, however. You know who is painful?
This lucky charm of a mothatrucka. And to think I was dreading the dreaded kid from The Glee Project MORE than this one! He sings the most boring songs ever, I can’t understand a word he says, and he has nothing to do. Kind of like Artie.
This week they legit were like ‘eesh, we haven’t given Artie anything to do in episodes – we should really throw him a bone. I know! We’ll make him the DIRECTOR of the Christmas special!’ Glee. We get it. Artie is going to graduate high school and become a director. Noted. Now stop it.
Was I the only one creeped out by the relationship between Irish and Sam?
I mean, a “Christmas sponsor?” That’s so gay.
But not as gay as this.
And yes I mean ‘gay’ as in ‘that’s so stupid, gay.’ Joni Mitchell’s “River” is one of my favorite Christmas songs and then Lea had to go and muck it up with her awful faces. Oh, and in case you’ve ever wanted to see a close up of Lea Michele’s ear…
There you go. Don’t say I never give you anything.
My Darren Criss can still do no wrong, even in a song that has a chorus of “it’s a very very merry merry extraordinary Christmas.”
The song makes me feel like this:
I really appreciate that, during Artie’s Star Wars Christmas, a shout-out was given to Breadstix.
Because let’s be honest – nothing says ‘Star Wars’ and really nothing says ‘Christmas’ quite like Breadstix. It deserves all the shout-outs it gets.
My boyfriend is extra cute in Black and White.
Too bad that toothless gay elf has to stand next to him. Blarg.
Rachel and Mercedes were cracking me up in the ’60’s part of the episode. And despite Rachel’s awful hair, they both looked great too.
…sometimes I love you always.
“My Favorite Things” was super cute, but this screen grab is not.
It looks like they’re all grabbing her boobs and she is DIGGIN it.
Hey, did you guys know that Cory Montieth plays the drums and that old guy on Glee plays the guitar?
Well if you didn’t, there’s further confirmation that yes, in fact, they do do these things (he he, I said ‘do-do).
The best part of the whole Christmas special was Brittany and the girls with the scarves.
And the worst part?
Seriously – WHAT is coming out of this kid’s mouth? I don’t understand a WORD he says!
I was really (no, really) confused about the whole Sam/Quinn/Sue/homeless people plot. You’re telling me that Mr. Shue would seriously allow the kids to do a Christmas special over charity work? What? Mr. Morality himself?! And speaking of the devil, where the hell was he this episode? I mean, I know Matt Morrison was directing the episode but you’re telling me that the teacher, who is ALWAYS around, is just going to disappear for an episode and we’re not going to acknowledge it?! It makes me just want to go serve some meatballs!
Yeah, I don’t know either.
Oh hell to the no.
And where is Idina? Did I miss something?
It’s a holiday episode, so therefore the villian has to learn a lesson.
“Do They Know It’s Christmas” was lovely, but Sam was doing this one thing that was annoying the hell out of me. He had this like, hat, or a rag or something and he kept bopping the kids over the head with it. During the song!
Talk about pulling focus. I was just like…’will you STOP it Trouty Mouth? Now come over here and kiss me!”
Speaking of Trouty Mouth kissing people…
Word on the street is that he’s going to be the Leprechaun’s “Valentine’s Day Sponsor” now. And I’m not even making a gay joke, that actually happened on the episode. Yes, I know.
My favorite thing is that the best performance, the best part of the whole episode was CUT OUT OF THE ACTUAL SHOW! It was, of course, my lover Santana singing “Santa Baby” in a jewlery store.
She looks so 1980’s, I’m dying.
Love her, she is perfect.
Other things happened this epsiode but honestly, we don’t care about them. We don’t care about the moral, hell, we barely care about the show itself! But if there’s one thing we’ll always be sure of it, it’s that Glee is the gift that keeps on giving….headaches, eye rolls and, probably crabs.
Merry Christmas Glee!(ks)
Been a While.. December 12, 2011Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
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As I was sitting here preparing to write my first post in over two months (two months??!!!) I cracked my knuckles in anticipation. I feel like, after being gone for so long, that my first post back would have to be something moving, something profound, something that will entertain everyone. And I gotta tell you…I got nothin.’
Sure, we could talk about my awesome Slutty Crayon outfit that I wore on Halloween but I mean…Halloween was like five years ago.
Do we talk about my birthday and how I was thrown an amazing 30th Birthday party? I mean…I could but I feel like everyone is sick of talking about my bday and no one more so than myself.
So instead of posting fun pictures or giving you some organized and well formatted blog post…I’m just going to stream of consciousness instead. The reasons for this are twofold:
1) I’m far too lazy/busy at work to actually think/be witty.
2) There is a much higher chance I’ll actually finish this blog post if I don’t have a format. Trust me, it’s better this way.
So let’s talk.
*It’s the holidays. Whoopee. For whatever reason, I haven’t really been in the Christmas spirit this year. I feel like the holidays have a certain ‘something’ when you’re with someone and being single has just made this season feel a little different. Not bad different, by any means, I’m just having a hard time getting into it. And by ‘it’ I mean ‘goodwill towards men’ and all that crap. I haven’t even made my Christmas cd yet! That bitch has been a tradition since 2002, I really need to get on it…
*I miss Oprah’s LifeClass. If this magnificent show has not made its way into your life, you’re really missing out. It’s basically an hour of Oprah sitting on her couch and telling you her life lessons and showing old clips and…ugh. It’s amazeballs. And it has been in repeats since November which DEVASTATES me. Oprah’s LifeClass, please come back to me.
*I’ve been craving chocolate lately. I never eat chocolate but for some reason in the afternoons I can’t get enough of it. In unrelated news, I think I’m pregnant.
*I’m obsessed OBSESSED with this song lately. Love the version, love the performance, love it all. But seriously? There are 15 kids in the Glee club right now? WTF.
*I watch Friends repeats every night. I haven’t even watch Gossip Girl from last week because I watch about five episodes of Friends a night. The worst part? It’s on NICK AT NITE. When I was a kid the shows on Nick At Nite were like…Dragnet. But Friends? No. Friends is middle school. Friends is High School. I can’t handle this.
*You know what bugs me? When the girl who sits next you sniffling and sneezing the entire day but the one time you sneeze she doesn’t even say ‘bless you.’ RUDE.
*I love: New Girl, Happy Endings, Revenge. I quit: Once Upon a Time, Pan Am, Secret Circle. I wish I could quit you: Desperate Housewives, The Real World, 90210. So bad it’s good: Glee, Top Model, Gossip Girl.
*Bad Romance doesn’t get old. I’m sorry, it just doesn’t.
So listen. I promise to be a better blogger. I don’t know that I’ll get back to my former Glee-Cap/Bachelor recap glory (Josh Groban as the Bachelor, I mean, can we talk?) but I will make a more concerted effort. Because as much as you miss me, I miss you all the more.
Dog Days are Over October 11, 2011Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
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I know that it has been a while. It’s so crazy to think of the days when BriTunes had an update every day and even Glee-Caps! My lovely Glee-Caps, while I enjoyed doing them, have unforunately become a side effect of the “NO Time, there’s never any time!” syndrome that is currently affecting my life. As much as I love blogging, work has to take priority. But you know I’m here from time to time and that’s going to have to be good enough at the moment!
As many of you know, I was recently in Europe and it was such a great time. Amsterdam was amazing, I loved all of the canals and my favorite part was renting bikes and riding them through town. We lucked out incredibly with the weather in Ams and Munich – didn’t even rain once! Oktoberfest in Munich was an absolute blast. It was CR-AZY – so many people everywhere. Basically I drank beer for seven days straight, ate way too many cured meats and pretzels, and learned how to live on minimal sleep. Good times.
In less fun news, I have to report that our family dog, Josie, is no longer with us.
Look at her giving you side eye, she is so fierce.
Homegirl was the best dog ever – she was so fun with such a personality. She always wanted to play and was a great time. My favorite thing she would do is turn her head like she heard you and understood what you were saying.
She would always let me cuddle with her and wanted nothing more than to sleep on the end of your bed. She was an awesome frisbee catcher and had so much fun playing with (and destroying) all of her toys. Every Christmas we would give her a new stuffed animal and she would always parade it around proudly as if to say ‘look what I got.’
My dad says about Josie that her worst crime was ‘loving you too much’ and it’s so true. Every time I would go home to Ohio she would FREAK OUT and be so happy that you were home. She would get so excited she would just pee everywhere. There’s something very special about having someone who shows that much excitement to see you. For instance, my mom NEVER pees when she sees me. Lame.
She was young – only 8.5 – but she gave my family and I many, many years of happiness. We all loved her very much and am very sad she’s gone. This is a void that will take quite some time to heal, but I know now that she’s up in heaven annoying the shit out of our old dog Bobbie. Bobbie was a little more chill. I think she’s going to find Josie too over the top. We’ll miss you Josie (who am I kidding, dogs can’t read blogs…)
In other news…IS BEYONCE FAKING HER PREGNANCY??!!!
It folded!!! Her baby bump folded!!! Yo, are you deceiving me, B?!
Nothing Else I Can Say September 19, 2011Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
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I feel the need for an update. I don’t know what’s going to come out, I don’t know what we’re going to talk about, so this could all be very stream of consciousness. Are you prepared for that? Can you handle the journey? Can I handle the journey? We shall see.
*By now we all know that Holly and Michael won Bachelor Pad 2. Old news, I didn’t have time to recap the final episode and I’m sorry. There was some good stuff in there too. But perhaps the most important piece of news is that Holly and Blake are….ENGAGED!!!
She’s evil, he’s stupid, and Michael Stagliano is a pretty pretty princess.
*I’m going to Germany this week! Ah! Yes, sheltered boy BriTunes is actually heading out of the country to Amsterdam and Germany
for seven days. I’ve never been out of the country before so obviously I’m a little bit nervous but I’ve been promised that the beer is
extra strong over there so there’s that. Just know that if you don’t hear from me for at least two weeks I’ve been murdered. Kthx.
*As soon as I’m back from Germany I move into my new place. Luxury High Rise, Midtown, and there is a gym in the building.
Everything else is secondary to there being a gym in the building, let me tell you. My new roommates’ name is Will and he is a fashion
editor. Super nice, really gay, we should get along just fine. When I went over to meet him I brought a bottle of wine and I thought
that I’d have a glass and then peace out and he and I ended up finishing the whole bottle. So I expect a lot of empty wine bottles at our
*Two days after I move my brother and sister-in-law are coming to visit. I have no idea what we’ll be doing, but it should be a grand
*Fall TV is back, and you have no idea how happy that makes me. I’m a little nervous at the amount of TV I’ll be missing while I’m in
Germany, but I guess it is the price I have to pay.
*Doug – we are definitely due for a catch-up this week.
*Wife – I need to see more pictures of your new bebe!
*Amanders – I love hearing all your funny kid stories. That Gavin is hilarious!
*Heidi – No Day But Today
Okay. I’m exhausted. Peace out my peeps.
Bachelor Pad Recap After a Bottle of Wine September 7, 2011Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
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Hi friends!!! I’s alive! Thank tha Lord, I’s alive! And YUP – I’m coming to you again after a lovely bottle of red wine so you know what that means…..
BACHELOR PAD RECAP AFTER A BOTTLE OF WINE!!!! Wahoo!!
For the record: I now like Ella. I’ve always like Ericka. Crazy ass Michelle Money is the shit. And Holly is like, Mady Gosselin levels of ‘the pits.’ That being said, let’s move on.
Ericka is a special little spirit. She’s kinda downsy, kinda slutty, kinda special in the best ways possible.
Chris Harrison came by this week and had a very special instruction to the housemates – PICK A DUO!! AND PICK WISELY! Holly, obviously, was bored by this.
No Holly, YOU’RE a snooze.
Can we talk about Blake’s vest for a second?
I mean….WHAT is that? Men’s Warehouse is definitely missing an item out of their premiere collection. Ericka saw that pretty pretty vest and obviously wanted to give Blake some bedroom eyes.
Speaking of bedroom eyes…is Graham even like, alive?
Or just really stoned. Let’s get into the game, Graham! And keep those hands above the blanket!!
In addition to Ericka, Vinna as always, gives us her very own pretty PRETTY parties.
How she and Kasey have made it this far is anyone’s guess.
Holly and Michael (who is perfect in every way) are a hot ass mess. Michael is still holding a candle for Holly, she obviously loves Blake, and therefore he’s so so sad. What it all comes down to is that she’s a big ol’ whore.
Worse than Holly’s face though, is Chris Harrison’s tie.
Lovin’ the shirt though! It borders on Technicolor!! Also bordering on Technicolor are Blake’s teef.
I can’t decide if I find Blake attractive or just horribly offensive. How about offensively attractive? Kasey and Vienna, on the other hand…
Now that shit’s just horrible.
I kinda miss Michelle Money being cray-cray.
She’s been like…nice…and cute…and wears really adorable outfits….AH! What am I saying?!?! Quick, I need something to hate on!
Ahhhh….there we go.
I’m a little sad (spoiler) that Ericka went home this week. She was a real good time.
You know who is not a really good time?
Any woman that breaks the heart of my man Michael, better watch out.
This dude was also there this week…
Todd? Alan? Kevin? Let’s go with Kevin.
The whole ‘when did you lose your virginity’ thing was a bit much. And Graham’s answer…
I can’t. He’s honestly just so smarmy. Even Michelle thinks so.
Let’s have a pretty party, shall we?
Stagliano – PRETTY!
And this concludes your Pretty Party.
Since Graham and Michelle won the challenge, they got to go on the one-on-one date. Because they are super special they got to go on a helicopter!! They were super excited.
And everyone else was super excited for them.
Ugh. I love it so much.
Kasey and Vienna had some fight….about sex…and a ring…and leaving the show…I don’t know their whole relationship is so…well it’s…
Exactly. It’s frustrating.
Graham and Michelle’s AWESOME prize was to watch some Anna Faris and Chris Evans movie in a hot tub. Two words: Wrinkly. Fingers. Graham was super into it. Michelle….?
The face says it all.
I wasn’t really into this part of the episode and then this happened:
And my face did:
And all was right in the world.
Then Holly wore this thing
And the world was wronged all over again.
Ericka and Blake got to go on a date as well
and Ericka was really hoping to get some….
But Blake was not having it at’all.
If it was anyone else, they would have been all over Ericka but no no, Blake has feelings for someone else.
Yeah. That Aunt Jemima cheatin bitch.
The rest of the episode was a snooze. Ella was scared for her life (she’s got a 9year old SON, ya’ll!)
Ericka played with her hair.
Vienna got the rose and sang the creepiest song ever.
“I…….got the rooosee…..I got the rooooose….Iiiiiiii gooot the rose….”
Then she wore this lovely ensemble…
and we all remembered that she’s a stripper.
Blake and Smolly canoodled in front of Michael
And Michael cried to the camera, all the while looking like perfection.
Ella cried. (9 YEAR OLD SON YA’LL!)
But at the end of the day she and Keith got the rose.
And unfortunately my angel Ericka and that bastard Blake went home. Which wasn’t a surprise at all.
Next week is the THREE HOUR finale, which of course means I will be fast forwarding through about 2/3 of it. And yes, I miss you all just as much as you miss me. XOXO
Bachelor Pad recap after a bottle of wine August 23, 2011Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
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Now don’t go and think this is going to be a habit. I’ve been busy at work, and looking for an apartment, and while I’ve watched Bachelor Pad sometimes it takes me very long to recap it. That being said….I was bored tonight and so I decided to throw a little fun your way. Don’t expect much, I’ve had a bottle of wine.
WHO ARE YOU? NO ONE CARES
Melissa and Vienna had dueling Pretty Parties the entire episode.
Melissa is like, soooooo pretty. I totally would date her if I could.
Wait, so HOW did she get on The Bachelor again? And HOW did she make it past the first week? I’s confused.
Any chance we get to see men in Speedos, I’m soooo all about.
Don’t worry Michael. I won’t tell anyone how adorable I think you are.
These two ass hats were back to judge the Synchronized Swimming competition.
NO ONE CARES WHO YOU ARE!!! Well, no one except for this lady.
And lady, I hate to say it but….yeah…even with the gold medal around your neck we still don’t care who you are. Moving on.
With the exception of the various bulge shots, the S.S. competition was a BUST. Total snooze fest. Michael won for the boys and Michelle Money won for the girls (MICHELLE FOR THE WIN!!! I know….I know….I’ll get to that in a second).
Remember that awesome Vienna pretty party I told you about? Well…
We love her so much. Never, ever vote her off. Of course, never ever let her win, but she provides some good entertainment.
So remember on Brad’s season of The Bachelor how much I HAAAAATED Crazy Ass Michele?
Well….she’s not terribly awful on Bachelor Maxi Pad. Sure, she’s aligned herself with Kasey and Vienna which makes her awful by proxy but whatevs, I’ll forgive her for it. Plus, she looks fantastic. You know who else looks fantastic?
I’m sorry sad sad lady, but even Glamour Shots cannot help your cause.
Michael took Holly and some other tramps on his date. The other tramps because I don’t know why, but Holly because he wants to bone her again.
Okay, back to the date. See now, Holly thinks she’s the shiiiiit but in actuality she just looks like shit.
I hate Ella and I hate Holly. Ella because she’s, well, Ella and Holly because she is LEADING MICHAEL ON and because she looks like a beat up version of Lindsay from Real World Seattle.
Michael, however, is amazing.
I’m single now Michael! I want you and your cheekbones to marry me!!!!
This ass hat is still fighting for survival
And this hot mess is still fighting for survival
So of course we all know what that means….
It’s time to eat some face!! Now where’s Smashley!??!?!
For some reason this Tranny showed up.
I can’t say what happened. I fast forwarded through it. I did, however, see a guitar. So I can guess that some awful song was played and Bret Michaels tried his best to portray facial movements.
VIENNA. GO AWAY. I accidentally screen grabbed a shot where she looks semi-alright…
So I had to make up for it with this shot.
And all was righted with the world.
Kasey Kasem had a jewlery box for Vienna (to which she said ‘oh please don’t let that be an engagement ring’) and after he gave her his sad ass “Promise Ring” he decided to sing her a homemade song.
WHY DOES KASEY INSIST ON SINGING ON THESE SHOWS??! HE IS NOT GOOD! GO HOME!!!
No comment needed.
No comment needed.
Michelle honestly has looked amazing. Even like this.
Let’s just hope she doesn’t give herself a black eye again.
I really, really can’t with this girl.
Watch, she’s gonna go and win the whole entire thing.
So Jake and the Princess conspire together to vote off Kasey and the entire last 45 mins of the episode can be summed together in a few screen shots:
For real, these shows should really only be an hour. It would make my life a whole lot easier.
It all came down to Kasey or Jake, and Vienna was clearly hoping Jake would stay in the house…
Oh how much can change in a year… *cough*FAMEWHORE*cough*
Chris Harrison came out to show us his tie from H & M…
And I swear he said “The person whose name I call is safe…”
So he calls ‘Kasey”
And…..BOOM! Credits. Did Kasey stay?! Did Jake go home? Does anyone REALLY care!??! I mean come on people, there’s like, earthquakes in New York and something going on in Libya! There are more important things in life!
Hell, who am I kidding – if SOMEONE knows who went home, let me know, I’m dying to know.
Okay. Wine. Bed. Sleep. DUECES!!
It’s Alliiiiiiiiive August 17, 2011Posted by britunes2 in Uncategorized.
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Hello Bri-Tunesers, I hope that you’ve been well. Obviously I have not been around lately. There have been a multitude of reasons for that – let’s discuss:
*I GOT A JOB!!!!!! Last week could not have been more stressful of a week if it tried. A few things happened personally that kind of took over my mind but on Tuesday I finally got a job offer. Where, may you ask? Well let’s just say that it involves a pretty famous mouse and movies. Started this week, I’m super excited, and it’s going well. And I’mma leave it at that.
*YES, I am watching Bachelor Pad. I wish, oh how do I wish, that I had time to recap it. I mean, there are so many levels of tranny I feel like I turn into a Drag Queen every time I watch it. Just this week, even. I mean, that egg competition? Chris Harrison’s shirt DURING the egg competition? Jake, Vienna? Vienna’s cross-eyes? ‘Smames and Jackie? ‘Smame’s titties? I CAN’T EVEN. Obviously Jake and Vienna are cray-cray but you know who I really hate? ELLA. I can’t remember, did I hate her that much on Brad’s season? I don’t know but she is awful. The pits. They need to send her southern ass home asap. And please Ella – ’31’ my ass.
*I saw Beyonce in concert last night. She is AMAZING live. Even though she made me stand for two hours with sweaty people shoulder to shoulder, she was worth every penny I paid.
*That’s it. I know, I know! The first time I blog in a week and a half and that’s all I have! But honestly, I’m exhausted, I have to get up early, and I need to finish watching Bachelor Pad. I just wanted to check in, tell you all I haven’t forgotten you, and, like you, hope that one day BriTunes2 gets back to it’s once former glory. Or, at the very least, hope that Vienna loses Bachelor Pad.