Glee-Cap

Glee is back!  But not just Glee, GOOD Glee!  Okay, that might be stretching it a bit, how about….okay Glee.  Better than average Glee.  Gaga Glee.  Whatever you want to call it.  This episode was all about self-love (not THAT kind of self-love) and self-acceptance and lordy oh lord were we BEATEN over the head with that theme.  Honestly, if I heard one more time that I was “born this way” I was going to jump off a bridge.  Another theme that was featured heavily in the episode, was Rachel’s NOSE.

Yes, Yes, Finn can’t dance and so he broke Rachel’s nose.  That some domestic abuse right there!!  “Can’t dance?”  Puh-leaze.  More-O hits me all the time and then he’s like ‘oh, I’m sorry, I’m just dancing.’  I don’t buy it for a second Finn!!

Was it just me or was that nose doctor a real douche bag?

Dr. Douchebag.  He was all ‘get a nose job!  Get a nose job!  Everyone’s doing it!’  Doesn’t he know that peer pressure is supposed to stay INSIDE of the school?  The doctor’s office should be a safe haven, I mean really.

Yes, Rachel’s nose was put through it this episode (I mean, weren’t we as well?) and the director of the episode made sure to show us all the various states of disaster her nose went through.

RACHEL NOSE MONTAGE

Unless Lea Michele and I are doing coke in a bathroom together, I hope to never be this close to her nose ever again.  F’reals.

And no mother, I don’t really do coke.  It was a joke.  Because I’m a silly bloke.  Now go on Facebook and give me a poke!

Yayyyy!!  It’s fixed!!  Thank God, that was one long-ass montage.

I don’t know about you, but to me Santana was nothing but perfection this episode.  Even this outfit

is perfect.  I mean, it’s crazy, but it’s perfect.  I love her more and more each episode.  Brittany who?  It’s all about ‘Tana!

You know who it’s not about?

T-T-T-Tina.  Eeeegaad what a debbie downer.  I couldn’t even bring myself to care about her Asian trouble this episode and I am very CLOSE with an Asian who wears blue contacts!  She spouted off something about self-acceptance and my attention waned then this ass-hat came on the screen

and he started talking about loving yourself and God knows what and all I could think was “I’M ON A JUICE FAST RIGHT NOW!  I DON’T NEED TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR SELF-LOVE BULLSHIT!  I NEED A CHICKEN TO EAT!”

And then I calmed down.

I loves me some Emma but she is cuKOO!!!

Cute of Will to help Emma polish her grapes though.  Wait…that doesn’t sound right.

Love that Santana was just nonchalantly drawing gaffitti on Quinn’s poster.

The writers seem to forget Brittany, Quinn and Santana were besties.  They also seem to forget a lot of things.  Like how to write cohesive storylines, for instance.

Hey Artie – you got somethin’ on your face.

Yeah, yeah, you got some STUPID on your face.

Hey Will.  You know what I don’t accept?

YOU.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry.  It’s the juice fast talking.  Pay no mind to me.  Pay mind instead to…

THE GINGERS!!

Introducing Lauren Zitzes as a young child.

That girl looks like she could eat the trophy, the crown, the flowers, AND that woman’s hand.  Or maybe that’s MY stomach talking.

This episode gave us a glimpse into very special “firsts” in our kids’ lives.  For example:

Quinn’s first mugshot.

And:

Rachel’s first trip to the gyno.

In all honesty though, how much I did I love the “Unpretty/I Feel Pretty” mash-up.  Sounded great, and I love how it was shot.  Brava on a successful musical number.

Pretty Party #1

Seriously, are they Amish?  Polygamists?  I mean…what the what?

How much do I have a little bit of a crush on Dave Karofsky?

Sure he’s a closeted bully, but you know he could throw you around a little bit and make you l-ike it!

Santana’s best line ever:

“The only Straight thing about me is that I’m a straight up bitch.”

Word, Santana.  Word.

I know the director was trying to go all ‘artsy’ with this shot looking THROUGH the lockers, but it just bugged me.

And it totally doesn’t make sense.  I mean, don’t Quinn and Finn SEE the camera pointing back at them?

I get what Finn was going for in this song.

I get it.  You’re embracing the fact that you can’t dance by dancing with Mike and singing “I gotta be me.”  I get it.  I just don’t approve of it.  Lame.  Mr. Shue, however…

Lllllllllllooooved it.  “Woo Hoo!”  Gag.  Part of me just think he wants to get in on Tina and Mike’s love-fest.

Perv.

I also get what he was going for by trying to make Emma eat unwashed fruit but…

doesn’t he know that’s like, not healthy for anyone?  Not just germ-a-phobes?  I mean, I recommend that everyone should wash their fruit.  Speaking fruit I want to wash…

Why does Dave look so white in this picture?  Is it because he’s standing next to Figgins?  Looks like someone took a powderpuff and threw it all over his face.

Michelle was asking where the black guy was that used to be on the football team.  Michelle, are you talking about this guy?

Because, um…he’s in like, every episode.  We are watching the same show, right?  😉

Berets.

I can’t.

Serious talk/Kurt making David start a PFLAG chapter with him.

I can’t.

I did think that Puck and Rachel talking in the girl’s bathroom was really cute.  Rachel’s face?

Not s’cute.

Don’t know if you heard or not but the gay kid is back.

So I guess that means we’ll be saying goodbye to Darren and the Warblers.  This makes me sad.

But then I see Blaine playing an old time piano in a schoolyard

and I’m not as sad.

The good news, I guess, is that Blaine will be staying around for a while so we’ll have more of his big eyebrows and his big mouth.

Huzzah!

The gay kid has keys around his neck.

I’m willing to bet not one of them is the key to my heart.

So yeah, Kurt is back.  Yay?  Nay?  I don’t really care either way (there I go with the rhyming again).  I do like seeing him back in New Directions again but his big reunion song was just….

I mean it fit really well in the circumstance but it was so

Damn.

LONG!!  We get it!  Kurt is back!!  We already saw!  We don’t need a fifteen minute song to tell us about it again!

Me in 2011?  Quinn Fabray.

Me in High School?

Lucy Caboosey.

I wish I ran down hallways in slow motion as elegantly as Quinn does though.

She done be ril pretty.

So then we have a scene at the mall and we all know that means only one thing – a flash mob.  Great.  And for what exactly?  To show Rachel that she shouldn’t get a nose job?  With some “Barbara Streisand” song?  I mean…wait…WHAT?

This many kids on an escalator isn’t as fun as they make it seem.

It’s just plain unsafe!

Of course in flash mobs all of the grandmas and fat ladies get solos because apparently that’s what happens.

All that happened to me during the flash mob was the OPPOSITE of Rachel’s face.

Meaning I frowned.  I did not like it.  And I do not have a big nose.

Apparently Emma learned acting from the “Lauren Conrad School of Single Mascara Tear.”

Her scene with the therapist was cute though, and vaguely reminiscant of my therapy sessions – chair cleaning and all.

Blarg!!!!

Do I like Quinn and Finn or doing I?!?!?!  I thought I liked him and Rachel together?!?  I don’t know WHAT to think?!?!!

PRETTY PARTY #2

I like that Lauren and Quinn are cool now but…

what is it about Quinn befriending all of the fat girls?  First Mercedes and now Lauren?  Does she have like, post-pregnancy guilt or something?

Ooooooooh, it’s time for the “big” BORN THIS WAY number!  Emma and Will went all scrapbook and had everyone make shirts about what they were born with that society deems ‘odd.’  I, for one, really want Santana’s shirt.

Someone please make one for me, kthxbyee.

Will’s shirt shouldn’t have said “butt chin.”

We all know what it should have said.  It starts with the letter “I” and ends with “am inappropriate with teenagers.”

Hey Gay kid –

We know.  Enough already.

Hey Sam –

I like your trouty mouth.  Now take off your shirt.

Emma’s moment with Will was really cute

but I think I’ve had enough of her opening her shirt to me.  Four times in one episode is quite enough.

Poor Santana, just sittin’ in the audience being a lezzbian.

She so sad.  But…I mean…did no one on stage see her sitting out there in the audience?  Did they not say ‘hey Santana come sing with us?’  I’s confused.

I have no funny caption for this picture, I just like it.

You know what I don’t like?  JUICE FASTS.